Tour guide A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying ""watch this"" and then bangs the sheep. When he's finished, he zips up and asks ""does anyone else want to have a turn?"" Another guy from the tour says ""sure, I will"" and sticks his head in the fence.

Inferiority Complex An American was backpacking across the highlands, when he came across a small village where he decided to spend the night. Upon entering the local pub that evening for some drinks with the locals, he found himself in a conversation with one particularly drunk and indignant individual. ""Ya see that fence out there?"" The old man asked the backpacker. ""I built that fence with me own hands. But ya think they call me MacGregor the fence builder? No!"" ""And that church out ther…

My favourite Scottish joke [x-post r/Scotland] An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby. "Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!" The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!" The shepherd smirks and says, "I said u…

How to carve a fish. In the 70's in Scotland, there was a TV show called 'Weirs Way', where a man called Jim Weir would walk around the highlands, chatting with local characters. One episode, he met an old man who carved elaborate walking sticks. Jim picked up a stick that had a beautiful leaping salmon for a handle, and said to the old man, "So tell me Archie, how would you go about carving something as intricate as this?" The old man looked up from his workbench and said, "Well, it's surpri…