#jason

I'd love to see Jason Statham's face when he finds out you can turn down movie roles.

when Jason swung that sleeping bag with a girl in it against a tree in Friday the 13th, I bet for a brief moment the girl was like "wheeee!"

If I was ever on Jeopardy I would call Trebek the wrong name like I'd never heard of him. "I'll take Beauty Pageants for 400, Jason."

Your first mistake was wearing heels in this dodgeball tournament, Jason. The second was thinking that they went with that dress.

A teen boy wants to borrow the car, so he opens his parents' bedroom door to ask. He sees his dad wearing only chaps and a cowboy hat, on top of his mother, who has a feathered headdress and an indian squaw outfit on. He quickly shuts their door and disappears. The parents decided to finish what they were doing, but a few minutes later, the wife asks the dad to go talk to their son about the costumes and about walking into their bedroom without knocking. The dad is walking down the hall toward h…

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening... ... stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. ""Who the hell are you?"" Demanded Jason, ""and what are you doing in my bedroom?"". The mysterious Man answered ""This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter"". Jason was stunned ""You mean I'…

I was watching my grandson play some word game on his phone. He was repositioning two A's, an E, an I, an O and a U. ""Jason, that's the messiest vowel movement I've ever seen,"" I told him. He replied, ""You've never seen my shit after I eat alphabet soup, Grandpa.""

My wife wanted one of those ""unique"" names for our son. So we named him Jason The 'J' sounds like 'Th'. The ""ason"" is silent. You add ""omas"" on the end.

jason box-hes i know halloween is gone but i got a good idea for a funny drawing a box running away from a bigger box with a machete and wearing a jason mask in his hand and the little box says 'its jason boxhes'

Freddy and Jason visit Elm Street bar.. It stenches of blood, booze, and tears. A typical Halloween massacre. Freddy approaches Jason with a goblet of blood, as tradition ensues, and sits besides him. ""Drink up friend,"" Freddy says, patting him on the shoulder. Jason shakes his head, full of frustration, and drinks up, fast. Gulping it all down. When he reaches the end of his drink, he stares up at Freddy, sporting a smirk, trying so very hard not to laugh. He pushes a flyer over to Jason. ""S…

There is a new Jason vs Michael Myers movie coming out... ..I guess it will be a silent film?

Hi. My name is Jason and I am a presser. Thank you for listening. Time to own up guys. We have a problem. We are pressers and we need to face the truth. We are all here to help each other. Let the dank god take over your life and guide you to Half Life 3.

Sunny, Ahmed and Will are walking to a party. But they soon realise they don't know where it is, luckily their friend Jason finds them and says he knows where the house is at. So they're walking along, with Ahmed and Will trailing behind the others. After some conversation they begin to discuss their respective religions. Will states that he is a Christian. Ahmed asks him ""are you a follower of Catholicism?"" Will replies ""yes I am"" Ahmed then states that he is a Muslim and Will asks ""oh, do…

So, the 7 year-old daughter is talking with her mom... ""Mom, today at school during break, Jason and I played doctor!"" she says excitedly. ""Oh dear"" the mother answers, fearing the worst ""what did you two do?"" ""Oh, not much, he made me wait forty-five minutes and then double billed the insurance company.""

stat10060 So I got an email out of the blue from this guy from UCD (a university in Dublin) thinking that I was his Stats lecturer. Something tells me that he is not the brightest student in the class.. On Tuesday, April 9, 2013, Justin N****** wrote: Hi Jason, I was just wondering if is OK to drop the stat labs in the stat 10060 box, or if not when is the next lab that I could drop it in to. Thanks again On 9 April 2013 20:57, Jonathan W*** <w***j@tcd.ie> wrote: Don't worry about coming t…

Jason wanted to get his blonde wife something nice for their first wedding anniversary, but also something useful. So he finally decided to get her a cell phone. His wife was very excited about the new phone and told him she loved it. He carefully went through all of the phone's features and showed her how to use it. The next day, she went shopping and took the phone with her. The phone rings and it's her husband. ""How do you like your new phone?"" he asks. ""I love it, but there's something I …

Fred: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Jason: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. Mother: Well at least you can add !

The manager of a Guinness brewery travels to the home of one of his employees with bad news. He knocks on the door and the employee's wife, Tina, opens. He greets her and says, "I'm so sorry, Tina, but Jason died at the brewery today". "Oh my god!" replied Tina, "What happened?!" "He drowned in a vat of Guinness Stout," said the manager sadly. "That's terrible!" exclaimed Tina. "Was it a quick death at least?" "I'm afraid not," the manager replied. "He got out twice to take a piss."

A patient visits a doctor due to some skin problems Doctor: "What soap do you use?" Patient: "Jason's Soap" Doctor: "What body wash do you use?" Patient: "Jason's Body Wash" Doctor: "What deodorant do you use?" Patient: "Jason's Deodorant" Doctor: "I have never heard of Jason's. Is it a newer brand?" Patient: "No, Jason is my roommate."

The doctor told my wife to get her affairs in order. She said Mike in 2017, Jason in 2019, and Brent last year.

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening... ... stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

A British woman had 8 sons all named Jason. Her neighbor asked how she managed to call one in particular! She replied, ‘I call them along with their Father's names’!

Bill: “I was the pilot for the President's helicopter.” Jason: “Wow, that’s good! But why did you leave the job?” Bill: “The president told he was feeling cold and I switched off the fan on the top!”

Jason was watching a baseball game the other day and asked, “Daddy, if winning isn't the be all and end all as you have taught me, then why does anyone bother keeping score!?”

Jake: “My father always whistles as he works.” Jason: “He must be a happy fellow.” Jake: “No, he is a traffic policeman!”