#cambridge

Jews are lazy... ... essentially a group of people who couldn't be bothered to read the sequel. -Will Bailey (Cambridge footlights)

The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire. His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly. ""May I ask you a question, My Lord?"" ""Go ahead, Carson ,"" said His Lordship. ""I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."" ""What word is that?"" asked His Lordship. ""Aplomb,"" My Lord. ""Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or comple…

The Sports Mechanic Three middle-aged women are sitting on a park bench discussing their children. ""My son William studied Architecture at Cambridge. He's 25 years old now and he makes 70,000 a year at Bregmann and Hamann,"" the first woman says. ""My son Charlie read Law at Oxford. He'll be turning 23 in October and he makes 100,000 a year at Shoe Lane Chambers,"" says the second woman. ""My son Max didn't go to uni. He left school at the age of 16, as a matter of fact. He's 30 now, but he mak…

Three Universities ... Three Universities all done research into why a mans bell end is shaped the way it is. Oxford Uni spent 100,000 in 6 months and came to the conclusion it is for the pleasure of the woman. Cambridge Uni spent 250,000 in 18 months and came to the conclusion its for the pleasure of the man. Dublin Uni spent 50 pence in 5 minutes and came to the conclusion its to stop your hand flying off the end.

An professor from Cambridge and a Dubliner walk into a bar. The professor says to the Dubliner ""If you can put the words defeat, defence and detail into one sentence I will buy you the finest beer you could ever ask for"" so the Dub replies ""De horse jumped ova da fence da feat came first and da tail came last""

At Cambridge University during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: I beg your pardon? Student: Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale. Proctor: Sorry, no. Student: Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale. At this point, the student produced a copy of the four hundred year old Laws of Cambridge, written in Latin and still nominally in effect,…

Twin sisters just turned 100 years old Twin sisters just turned one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag, "The Cambridge Distorter," told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin bitteys. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa and the deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" He said, "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA…

Mr and Mrs Frog only had one tadpole, and they loved her so much. Both of them has to enter the work force from a young age to support their family’s. Neither of them had any further education and their life’s desire was for their only daughter to have the opportunities they didn’t and to go to university, preferability Oxford or Cambridge. They worked every hour to secure extra tuition for their daughter and extra curriculum activities. One morning there was the familiar thud of post on the …

Twin sisters just turned 100 years old Twin sisters just turned one hundred years old in St. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the Cambridge rag

Here is a purported to be true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued: Proctor: “I beg your pardon?” Student: “Sir, I request that you bring me Cakes and Ale.” Proctor: “Sorry, no.” Student: “Sir, I really must insist. I request and require that you bring me Cakes and Ale.” At this point, the student produced a copy of th…

Three college friends, one each from the Universities of Oxford, Cambridge and Loughborough, decided to pool their funds and go to the Olympics in Barcelona. The airfare and hotel rates ate up most of their money so they didn't have enough to get into the stadium to see the events. So they stood around the gate, watching all the other people get in and then noticed that some people didn't have to pay. Whenever an athlete passed the guard with his (or her) equipment, the guard would simply nod an…