The Five-Kick Method (long) A very famous and successful attorney from NYC was hunting ducks in the countryside. He was having a bad day in the woods as there didn't seem to be any ducks at all to be hunted. Then, all of a sudden, he saw the most beautiful, fattest duck of his life swiftly take off, so he aptly aimed and shot down the fat bastard. His dog quickly sped off in the direction od the fallen bird. Turns out the duck had fallen just a few feet within the fences of a private property. Without hesitation, the rich lawyer proceeded to climb it, only to be interrupted by shotgun rounds being fired, followed by some angry shouting: -Hey! WTF do you think you're doing? This is my private property! - yelled an old man, apparently the ranch owner. Calmly descending the fence back to his side, the lawyer answered: -I know, I was just climbing it to get the duck I just shot down. -Well, this is my property, and so this bird is mine! - replied the old man. With great serenity the lawyer informed: -Sir, I am a very successful attorney at law back in New York, and I am very famous for never having lost a single case. So, if you don't allow me to retrieve the bird I shot down myself, I will sue you for everything you've got. -Well, - answered the old man - since we are in my turf, why don't we settle this the way we settle every debate around here: with the Five-Kick Method. -Five-Kick Method? - asked the rich lawyer - I have never heard of that. -It's pretty darn simple: You just turn around and crouch, and I'll kick you in the spine five times. Then I'll turn around, and you get to do the same to me. First one to give up loses. The lawyer stopped to consider: ""Well, it sounds quite painful,"" he thought to himself, ""but, then again, I have never lost a debate, and the old man seems to be in poor health, I have better chances to win this."" And therefore accepted the challenge. The lawyer procceeded to turn around and ducked, exposing his streched back to the old man, which gathered all his strength and swung his first kick. With the primary blow, the lawyer could barely hold his tears and thoughts of giving up, but bit his lips and decided to man up and just take it. Then came the second kick, and it was already hard for the lawyer to keep his balance, let alone his self-respect. The only thing that kept him going was the expectation of retributing the pain. It was clinging to this thought that the lawyer made it through the third and fourth kicks, and he received the fifth one already half-getting up, half-telling the old man to turn around. To which the old man replied: ""Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.""