#russia

1995: A Chinese Official is conversing with a Russian citizen... ...Chinese Official, ""You have nothing in Russia."" Russian, ""Oh yeah, we have Yeltsin."" Chinese Offical, ""Then we will steal your Yeltsin. Russian, ""If you take Yeltsin you'll have nothing in China."" Disclaimer: This joke is not mine, it was told to my father during his stay in Russia in the year 1995.

I was Hungary... ...So I Russia down the stairs, made a Turkey sandwich and had a chocolate Malta for dessert.

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia? Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

why did russia execute its jeopardy winner? he knew too much

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden... The leader of china calls Obama and says: ""Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"" To which Obama said: ""Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbowl...how about you come back in a couple of years? Or better yet, call Russia!…

In Russia I like my coffee the way I like my women...

Three men in an airplane... **My brother just reminded me of this joke I used to tell back in 2nd grade like 20 years ago:** There are three men in an airplane: a Russian guy, a Japanese guy and an American. As the plane is flying over Russia, the Russian says ""I love my country so much I'll drop a nickel."" So he drops a nickel and parachutes down and sees a girl crying. ""What's the matter little girl?"" ""My dad is choking on a nickel and he's dying!"" she exclaims. Back in the airplane, now…

What did the NSA say to Russia after the blizzard? We're Snowden!

Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States? He was Snowden.

If Russia invades Turkey from the rear.. Would Greece help?

I took a speed reading course and read War and Peace in 5 minutes. It's about Russia.

A man was visiting distant relatives in Russia. After a while at their house, duty called so the man proceeded to the bathroom to do his deed. After he was finished he didn't notice any toilet paper anywhere... In a panic he shouted out ""I can't find your toilet paper"" To which the cousin responded "" ""

In Mother Russia A man asked his Russian friend: ""Is it true that in Russia, sometimes you can see polar bears walking on the roads?"" His friend replied: ""No, no my friend, that is completely untrue. Back in Mother Russia, there is absolutely no such thing as ""roads"".""

Why is Russia the gassiest country? Because their leader is Putin.

Why did the US Informant get stuck in Russia? He was snowed-in.

Turkey and Russia Turkey is going to be Putin place by Russia.

I suggest we all go to Russia for Christmas.. They'll have fried Turkey

What do you call a gay man in Russia? Forbidden fruit.

Why does Russia not celebrate Thanksgiving? Because they hate Turkey

What do America and Russia have in common? They both want to kill turkey this thanksgiving

Northerners Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing dow…

If Russia attacked Turkey from behind... ...would Greece help?

Russia will eat Turkey for thanksgiving this year.

How do they cook a turkey in Russia? They nuke it. OR In Soviet Russia, Turkey fires you!

So I heard Russia banned Scientology... I guess they're not Putin up with that.