#north-america

I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream

I hate it when all of North America tells me I exaggerate

Scientists say North America is going to sink into the ocean but we can change that. With a healthy diet and a little bit of exercise.

If the Scottish started to colonize North America before the British... Could I say that the Scott Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock?

With Trump and Hillary as your options North America, You really should have voted for Deez Nuts

Northerners Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing dow…

North America Sodium, atomic number 11, was first isolated by Humphry Davy in 1807. A chemical component of salt, he named it Na in honor of the saltiest region on earth, North America.

IAMA convicted murderer who escaped last week from an upstate New York prison currently on the run somewhere in North America. AMA!

Why do fishermen fish in north America? 'Cause they're all about that bass

Mexico's dump. Once upon a time, a country in North America known as Mexico got independence from its motherland, Spain. To celebrate, it had a big feast, but took the biggest shit known. The United States took the shit from Mexico and set it up as a state. The shit is now known as California.

A Bear and a Rabbit were walking through the woods... ... when they came across a magic lamp. Rather than argue over who would use it, they rubbed it together and out came a magic genie who offered them both three wishes. After a moment deciding amongst themselves, they both agreed to let the Bear go first. The Bear approached the Genie. ""For my first wish, I wish that all the bears in the forest -- except for me -- were female."" ""As you wish,"" said the Genie. And just like that, all the oth…

There's an airplane flying from North America to South America... ... after a while over South America the captain makes an announcement: ""Dear passengers, in a few minutes we will experience some turbulences, please stay seated and wait for further information!"" Some minutes later the plane shakes and moves from right to left, up and down. The captain again: ""Ok, you felt the turbulences; we are too heavy to continue this flight and will have to lose weight immediately in order not to crash …

i just received an email telling me i have been selected to participate in a beta test for one of apples new products. Apparently they have been making custom toilets in tokyo for years and want to test the market in north america. So 2-4 weeks from now I'll be sitting on my brand new Ibm.

The Bacon Tree The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providi…

Northerners Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.God explained, pointing do…

Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay... and the teacher asked, ""Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."" But none of the could write it. The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was. The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was. The European kid didn't know what the word 'insufficient' meant. The Kid from Africa didn't know what 'food' was. And the kid from North America had absolutely no clue what the h…

I used to be the 2nd best boxer in North America... I boxed in over 100 matches and always came 2nd

A couple, both bonafide Red necks, had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband ""fixed"". The doctor asked them why, after 9 children, would they choose to do this? The husband replied that they had read a recent article that 1 out of every 10 children being born in North America was Mexican and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven God went missing for seven days. Eventually Michael the archangel found him. He inquired of God ""Where were you?"". God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds; look my child look what I've just finished making. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said what is it? God replied ""its another planet but this time I' ve decided to put LIFE on it. I've named it earth and there's going to be a balance between ever…

TIL that 1 in every 10 people in North America lives next door to a pedophile. Not me. I live next door to a smoking hot 8 year old.

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio. Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. "Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America. "And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory. "And we're also at war with the British Empire…

Ww2 joke i heard recently So, it’s 1941 and a young German boy is listening to the radio. On the radio Hitler announces that Germany is declaring war on the United States. The boy asks, “Father, where is the United States?” “Here, let me show you,” His father responds and points at a map of North America. The boy then asks, “We are at war with Russia too, right? Where’s that?” The father then points at a map of the Soviet Union. “I think we’re also at war with the British,” the boy says. “…

Who invented the North America?,"TEACHER: Sarah, go to the map and find North America. SARAH: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class who discovered America?CLASS: Sarah!

Who invented the North America? TEACHER: Sarah, go to the map and find North America. SARAH: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?CLASS: Sarah!