#ibm

What do you call it when a hedge fund manager loses his job to a Watson inspired AI built by IBM? It doesn't matter. We'll all be laughing too hard to care.

What does Hulk say when he poops? IBM!

The time my mother got robbed My mother was walking downtown one day when she was approached by a hooded man holding out a knife. ""Give me you money or I'll take your life"" the man said So my mother handed him her IBM employment card. ""What is this?"" He proclaimed ""It shows you that I have no money and no life"" my mother said

Where do tech guys with diarrhea go to work? IBM

Two Blonds at a Job Interview Both were in the reception waiting to be called in for an interview. The first blond looks at the second blond and says, ""Are you here for the interview too?"" The second blond says, ""Why, yes I am."" The first blond says, ""Do you know IBM?"" The second blond says, ""Oh! Me too, especially after eating oatmeal!""

Are you funny and/or creative? Paid alpha program. (x-post from /r/standup) **UPDATE: Just got off the phone with my boss and he's getting inundated with replies, so he's asked me to tell y'all that the application window is now closed. Thank you all for your interest!** Hey all, my boss is putting together an experimental program where they pay funny people to sort of be ""on retainer"" for quick-hitting on-topic humorous tweets. It's a paid deal, so please read on if you're interested. Hopeful…

i just received an email telling me i have been selected to participate in a beta test for one of apples new products. Apparently they have been making custom toilets in tokyo for years and want to test the market in north america. So 2-4 weeks from now I'll be sitting on my brand new Ibm.

Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to perform a logical right shift? A: 32. One to hold the bits and 31 to push the register.

In Computer Heaven: The management is from Intel, The design and hardware is done by Apple, The marketing is done by Microsoft, IBM provides the support, Gateway determines the pricing. In Computer Hell: The management is from Apple, Microsoft does design and hardware, IBM handles the marketing, The support is from Gateway, Intel sets the price.

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture... when suddenly a plain white Chevy advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a rather stiff man in a suit and tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a Dole wannabe, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure". The guy parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thi…

What is globalization? Question : What is globalization? Answer : Princess Diana's death Question : How come? Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was high on Scottish whiskey, followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines! And this is sent to you by a Canadian, using Bill Gates' technology which he got f…

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure". The yuppie parked hi…

IBM succumbs to feminist pressure Booleans can now contain the value ""maybe"".

Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC keyboard designed specifically for Windows. In addition to the keys found on the standard keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: GPF key - This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representative’s state that the purpose of the GPF ke…