#russia

Soviet Russia In Soviet Russia you no criticize government, government criticize you

Russia announces it will be celebrating Thanksgiving this year And yes, they will be roasting Turkey.

Soviet Russia In Soviet Russia, Turkey shoots you!

Why is Edward still in Russia? Because he is Snowd*en*

If you could have a superpower, what would you pick? Cold War Russia

China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun. Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, ""We'll go at night.""

Why are they using two ply toilet paper in Russia? Because authorities want a carbon copy of all matters.

Controversy in Europe Did you hear about the latest controversy in Europe? If Russia attacks Turkey from the behind will Greece help out?

Did you hear that Russia considers US intervention in Syria illegal? They even wrote a song about it... ""Crimea River""

There are seven ages of man: Sixteen to twenty-five... twice daily. Twenty-five to thirty-five... thrice weekly. Thirty-five to forty-five... try weekly. Forty-five to fifty-five... try weakly. Fifty-five to sixty-five... try oysters. Sixty-five to seventy-five... try anything. Seventy-five and beyond... try to remember. And just like the man, there are seven ages of woman: Sixteen to twenty-five, like Africa: partly virgin, partly explored. Twenty-five to thirty-five, like India: hot and myster…

Osama is back Osama is somehow alive and decides to laugh a bit at the rest of the world. So he writes and sends a note to president Obama. On the other side of the world Obama gets called out of his conference. His assistant says in a quiet voice: ""Mr. president, sir, we have bad news... We have received a message from Osama Binladen! He is still alive!"" - ""What does it say?"" - ""370H55V 0773H"" Obama is clueless. So he sends this message to his secret service... They are clueless as well..…

Russia and Ukraine. What did Russia say to Ukraine? Go Crimea River.

The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden.

In Russia, if you're blue, and you don't where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits: Putin on the Ritz

In class room . Russia , after the war . Russia , 1951 . school teacher asked the children. Who were your fathers ? the first boy said, "" driver "" , the second ""The Postman ."" I ask a question about the third . He said, "" electrician. He was wearing a helmet and helmet were two lightning . (P.s - sorry for my english :) )

What was one thing Nicholas the 2nd of Russia not good at? Czarcasm.

In Russia, we get reddit banned! Cause you know.... the recent ban on reddit.

Donald Trump gets elected as President. 1st day in office: We have to bring back jobs from China, lets just call Xi Jinping and tell him he's fired! 2nd day is office: We have insert our dominance back in Europe and send Russia a message, lets just call Putin and threaten him with another Cold War. 3rd day in office: Need to solve the immigration issue, lets just call Nieto and tell him to stop sending rapists. 4th day in office: Need to renegotiate Iran Nuclear Deal, lets just call Khamenei and…

Greece just demanded royalties from all countries in the world for using democracy ""As for Russia, they don't have to pay us anything""- Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras clarified earlier today.

The rulers of the US, Russia, and China walk into a random bar in Latin America What do the locals call them? El negro, el gringo y el chino.

Putin is holding a press conference This is Russian joke. Putin is holding a press conference to see what problems in Russia need fixing. An old man walks up to the mic and says ""Mr. President, we are so poor, we cannot afford to eat, every night my wife and I go hungry. Can you fix this?"" Putin says ""I'm sorry, I cannot fix this."" The man continues ""Mr. President, my son is in the Army. Every day I'm worried he'll be killed in Ukraine. Can you fix this?"" Putin says ""I'm sorry, I cannot f…

Why doesn't Russia import water buffalo? Because they already have Moscow.

Why couldn't Germany win a world war? Because they'd Russia lot

I wonder if they got jokes in Russia about ""capitalistic America""... In capitalistic America, bank robs you!

Magician on a boarder control A famous magician is on a road checkpoint on the boarders of Russia. One of the custom officers recognizes him and calls his colleagues. They beg him to show them some magic trick. In the end he agrees and asks them for a glass of vodka. Officer readily brings a bottle and fills a glass. The magician takes out a small piece of cloth, puts the glass on a table and covers it up. Then he waves his hand over it, takes the piece of cloth up and voila! The glass is now fu…