#syria

I'm so horrified right now. I'm on the treadmill reading about the bombings in Syria. And my T-shirt's on backwards!

Obama keeps trying to get me to kiss this top secret document from Syria but I keep telling him I'm not the kinda guy who'll kiss intel

The national bird of Syria is.. ..a drone.

TIL: The condom was invented in modern day Syria around 100 BC It used goat intestines and later in the 18th century the British improved on the design by removing the goats and only using the intestines.

Welcome to Syria! You'll have a blast :)

Why don't they have bars in Syria? Because, they prefer to get bombed at home.

Went to Syria last month.. Had a blast.

Why did the emoji fly to Syria? It wanted to become an Emojihad!

Two converts set off to go join ISIS... Hasan and Hussein set off to go join ISIS. Hasan flew to Istanbul first class, but Hussein was on the no fly list and had to stow away on an empty oil tanker. But Hasan gifted Hussein a heavy backpack of food and cigarettes to make the trip more bearable. But when they got to Syria, the ISIS folks found those cigarettes in the backpack and brought them both to a high tower in Raqqa. The judge said, ""Hussein, you're pardoned. But Hasan, we throw you off th…

Syria is wherever the Syrians are in Europe

I recently did a survey on Syria. The results blew me away.

The leader of China is growing restless so he tries to find a country that wants to fight his army, so he called Sweden... The leader of china calls Obama and says: ""Hey man, we havn't had a good fight in a while, how about we see who has the best army?"" To which Obama said: ""Look pal, you know me, we never say no to a big show down but we have so much on our plate right now. The election, the syrian crysis, superbowl...how about you come back in a couple of years? Or better yet, call Russia!…

What do you call an election in Syria? A civil war

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East . Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured. Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace. Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance. Latin American countries are sending clothing. New Zealand and Australia are se…

Two Arab men sitting in a cafe in Syria reminiscing about when their children were young... Achmed gets out a photo of his son and Omar agrees that he grew up to be a handsome young man. Omar gets out a photo of his son to show Achmed. Achmed smiles wistfully and says 'they blow up so fast!'

With all these factions in Syria, the situation is quickly becoming... syrias.

Did you hear that Russia considers US intervention in Syria illegal? They even wrote a song about it... ""Crimea River""

Two Russian pilots in Syria - Hi, what have you been doing today? - Bombing the ISIS headquarters... - Which one, the main headquarters? - No man, the main headquarters is on the other continent...

I forgot, what is the name they call themselves, the group that wants to form a new country in what is now Syria and Irak? They are the Nemesis of the USA.

The US was asked to take in 65,000 refugees from Syria, but declined. Mexico got wind and said they will give them the same freedoms and quality of life as they would get in America. They will be here in a week.

Three leaders of nations are on a plane... Barack Obama, Shinzo Abe (PM of Japan), and Bashar Al-Assad (Syrian president) are cruising in Air Force One. As they're flying over the US, Barack turns to the other two and says ""This is how much I love my people"" and throws a quarter out of the plane. When they're over Japan, Shinzo says ""Well this is how much I love my people"" and throws a bag filled with 100 yen coins out of the plane. Over Syria, Bashar says ""Oh yea? Well this is how much I l…

NFL jokes Insert any team you don't like in blank spot: What's the best way to keep ___ out of your front yard? Put field goal post up! Why does President Obama want to send ____ QB to Syria? The CIA are convinced ____QB is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad. What do ____ have in common with postal service? Neither deliver on Sunday. What's the difference between a dollar bill and _____? You can still get four quarters from a dollar bill. What's the difference between a _____ fan a…

Syria has appealed for international assistance today, after a boatload of 500 Greeks arrived seeking a better life.

USA has Democracy, Syria has Autocracy, Iran has Theocracy, and Britain has... Pedocracy.

Tension between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift is heating up... ...and Obama is ordering air strikes on Syria, like that's gonna help. What an idiot.