#fridge

Yesterday I purchased a world map I gave my wife a dart and said to her "throw this, and wherever it lands, I'm gonna take you on a holiday". Turns out, we're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

Why are married women heavier than single women? Single women come home, see what's in the fridge, and go to bed. Married women see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

A guy driving a Kia pulls up to a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce The Kia driver rolls down his window and shouts to the Rolls-Royce driver: "Hey, you have a really nice car! Just curiously, does it have Wi-Fi? Because my Kia has Wi-Fi!" The other driver rolls down his window and responds, "Yes, my Rolls-Royce has Wi-Fi." Kia driver: "Cool! Does your Rolls have a fridge too? Because my Kia has a fridge in the back seat!" Rolls driver *(slightly annoyed)*: "Yes, there's a fridge in here too."…

Kia driver A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce... The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi." The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls, looki…

Europe is like a fridge You have the freezing cold part at the top. Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection. Then, down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease.

A 90 year old man goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. Fifteen minutes later, the doctor says,"Your health is good physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?" The old man replies,"Me and God are tight. We are in a real connection. He has even fixed my eyesight for me! Whenever I go to the bathroom to pee, the light turns on and when I exit, the light turns off!" The doctor, astonished, calls his wife and says,"Madam, your husband's physical heath is good. I'm …

My husband left a note on the fridge that said, .... ...."This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

Never literally taking cooking instructions… It said “chill in the fridge for an hour” I nearly died

A man comes home late from the bar He knows his wife don't like it when he drinks, so he sneaks his way to the bathroom so he can piss. When he opens the bathroom door, the light automatically turns on. He finds it odd, since he didn't buy any automated lights or something like that. He thinks that maybe his wife had installed the lights while he was in the bar, but it would be improbable for him to not see that she bought them. He thinks that maybe he entered the wrong house, but quickly look…

A Clean Joke One day, an old man and his wife visited their doctor for a checkup. The doctor wanted to examine the old man first. After examining the old man, he said "I'm surprised you are in such excellent health." The old man replied "I attribute it to my good and clean life." "Your good and clean life?" "Yes, I have lived such a good and clean life, the Lord Himself turns the light on for me when I use the bathroom and the Lord Himself turns the light off for me when I leave." "The Lo…

Super Serious Tax Question How long do leftovers have to be in your fridge before you can claim them as dependants?

Two guys are standing in line to enter heaven. One turned around and asked the other how he died. "I froze to death. How about you?" "I had a heart attack." "How did that happen?" "Well, I suspected my wife was cheating on me. So after work I went straight home. I ran upstairs to find my wife sleeping by herself. Then I ran back downstairs and looked in all the hiding spots. When I was running back up the stairs, I had a heart attack." "That's ironic." "Why?" "If you would've looked in the frid…

A man was once gifted a pet parrot. The parrot was beautiful, and trained to talk by its previous owners. Unfortunately, it only swore loudly and angrily whenever it wanted attention. To try to stop this, he put the parrot in a box. The man told the parrot, "I am putting you in this box because you wont stop swearing." For the entire 30 minutes, the parrot swore loudly at the man. Then the man put the parrot in the closet. "I am putting you in this closet because you wont stop swearing." For …

Birthday present for my Wife. I have bought my wife a fridge for her birthday. I can't wait to see her little face light up when she opens it.

My son asked me, “Dad, can I eat the last piece of cake in the fridge?” I smiled and said, “Sure..." "But the dining room would probably be more comfortable.”

A keen hunter takes his wife deer hunting for the first time in her life. He first explains the basics to his wife, and then says: "One thing is super important: Whenever you shoot something, you must claim it right away. Or else if someone else gets to the kill, they might claim it. So if you want deer meat in the fridge, make sure you're quick to claim it." Of they went to their deer boxes to see if some deer would show up. In a matter of minutes, the hunter hears his wife's gun. He want…

I have bought my wife a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

My wife keeps getting mad at me for eating leftovers straight from the fridge. I told her that it's really hard to quit cold turkey.

So I put a giant map of the world up on the wall and gave my wife a dart. I told her wherever it lands is where we go on holiday. I guess we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

A guy driving a Kia. A guy driving a Kia pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce... The driver of the Kia rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got Wi-Fi in your Rolls? I’ve got Wi-Fi in my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes I have Wi-Fi." The driver of the Kia says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Kia!" The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, s…

An old man spoke to his wife He said "Edna, I've witnessed a miracle! Last night when I got up to go to the bathroom, GOD turned the light on for me! And when I was finished, He turned the light off!" And his wife said, "Harry, you're pissing in the fridge again!"

Came back home to a message from my girlfriend Came back to find a message from my girlfriend on the fridge. "It's not working, I give up, I have gone to stay at my mother's" The fridge was humming away happily. I opened it, the light was on. I touched the beers inside, they were cold. I don't understand, what does she mean?

Did you hear about the guy who got addicted to eating thanksgiving leftovers out of the fridge? He had to quit cold turkey.

My wife left a note on the fridge... "This is not working, I'm going to my mom’s house." I opened the fridge door, the light was on, the juice was cold. What the hell did she mean?

Wife asks her husband to fix the fridge. He replies "What am I, a repairman?" So she got their neighbor to fix it. She tells her husb "It's fixed. Our neighbor said he would fix it if I either slept with him or baked him a pie." Husband laughs and asks "So what kind of pie did you bake him?" Wife replies "What am I, a baker?"