#fridge

This orange juice says shake well before drinking. *shakes juice and puts back in fridge then opens beer

wife: 9 got a ninja costume. Pretend you can't see him 9 [standing in front of the fridge] *giggles* me *hits him in the face with the door*

The truck in front of me is hauling a fridge. Freezer just flew open and a chicken nugget hit my windshield. Day. Made.

By now, I've stopped calling it "sandwich" meat and started calling it "stand in front of the fridge and eat it out of the baggie" meat.

Starting a blog that's just reviews of the food I steal out of the fridge at work.

Help your friends diet by replacing the light in their fridge with an air horn.

When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like I love you for what you have inside. (Me to my fridge)

You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn't working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it.

Eat food with the fridge open in front of the other food to establish dominance as well as prepare for the next feeding.

The milk in my fridge went bad. It beat up my orange juice and started selling meth to all the condiments.

Girlfriend left a note on the fridge "this isn't working, you take everything too literally". She'll be so happy when she sees the new one.

I taught my 4yo how to spell 'beer' so he'll stop bringing me Pepsi from the fridge.

Me: I found this in the fridge with your name on it. Are you gonna eat it? CW: That's my stapler Me: You didn't answer my question

Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge.

How long does guacamole last in the fridge? Please say a year.

I have Capri Sun and pudding in my fridge which proves I'm four or poor.

*rips finished page from adult coloring book* *puts it on daughter's toy kitchen fridge*

Finally cleaned out the fridge to make meal planning easier. Tonight, we're having buttered olives with mustard and baking soda.

My wife says that we should keep the chocolate milk in the back of the fridge so it stays colder, but personally I just think she's racist

"That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-" "Neil! Stop." "I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"

*Opens fridge *Sees chocolate bar with a note "please don't eat me". *Eats chocolate bar Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?

The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.

*wife comes out in a robe* I'm hiding your present Yes it's wrapped Nooo, it's not in the fridge [5 minutes later] IT'S NOT IN THE FRIDGE!

The milk in my fridge is so old it thinks Elvis Presley's dancing is inappropriate.

If you watched a movie of my life backwards it would be about a guy who refills beer cans and puts them back into the fridge.