#neil

[1st moon landing] Mission Ctrl: Be sure to say something important & profound Neil: Ok *steps onto moon* Neil: *clears throat* I'm a vegan

[neil degrasse tyson voice] the film is called Home Alone but thats actually a misnomer. in fact, kevin was joined in his home by 2 burglars

Buzz: hey Neil where do cows come from? Neil: I dunno where Buzz: the moooon haha .. .. *single gunshot* Neil: uh Houston we have a problem

I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with

WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: My experiences with you lead to an increase in dopamine and oxytocin as well

Yes, Neil, everything sounds better when you have a great voice. That's how sound works.

[planning heist] Me: We'll need the element of surprise. Neil deGrasse Tyson: [appears] Actually, such an element does not exist. Hi, I'm Ne

'Space Jam' never gets old - that's because in the sterile environment of space fruit preserves don't spoil. Hi, I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson.

[boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount

WIFE: I love you NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: Actually it's just emotional comfort after years of being toget- WIFE: *packing* I'll be at my mothers

"That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-" "Neil! Stop." "I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service... and says ""Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME""

What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Whitney Houston? [Oc] The rock Neil was on made him famous, the rock she was on made her dead.

Neil never had a girlfriend... So Neil Armstrong.

Neil deGrasse Tyson walks into a bar. Everyone leaves. ""EVERYONE?"" he chuckles to himself. ""7.4 billion humans couldn't fit in this space.""

Buzz Aldrin is the second man on the moon... Neil before me

Neil deGrasse Tyson will no longer be hosting NOVA. Looks like they had to cut deGrasse.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, ""Ah well, I guess you had to be there.""

""If you removed all the arteries, veins, & capillaries from a person's body, and tied them end-to-end, the person will die."" -- Neil deGrasse Tyson https://twitter.com/neiltyson

So Elon Musk, Chris Pratt, and Neil deGrasse Tysons walk into a bar.... There's no punchline just give me upvotes.

I almost forgot to wish a happy St. Patty's day to... ...Barack O'Bama Got this from Neil deGrasse Tyson's Twitter.

If you screwed up something in a science lab, who do you tell? **Not** Neil deGrasse cause he will grass on you!

Neil degrasse Tyson was standing in the supermarket. i made this up last night lol Neil degrasse Tyson was standing in the supermarket arguing with his father over which watermelon to buy. When a white employee approached them and said ""Hi, is there anything i can help you with today?"" Neil paused in mid-sentence and said ""NO! I'm sorry but you wouldn't understand... It's a DARK MATTER!""

Why did the fish sink? (This joke composed by my seriously autistic friend Neil, who LOVES jokes) Because it was a brick.

A elderly gay couple find a genie Neil and Bob, a gay couple in their 60s are out antiquing one day when they come across an old Alladin-style lamp. Neither man can resist the kitschy style that the lamp could bring to their foyer, so they haggle the shop keeper down to a reasonable price and take it home. At home, Neil is polishing the lamp, trying to bring it back to its original luster and shine when blue genie pops out. ""I am the genie of the lamp! You have freed me from my prison and have …