Neil degrasse Tyson was standing in the supermarket. i made this up last night lol Neil degrasse Tyson was standing in the supermarket arguing with his father over which watermelon to buy. When a white employee approached them and said ""Hi, is there anything i can help you with today?"" Neil paused in mid-sentence and said ""NO! I'm sorry but you wouldn't understand... It's a DARK MATTER!""
Interviewer: It says here on your resume you can make chicks laugh, how? Me [holding a chick in my hand & tickling it]: I'm a miracle worker
My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head.
The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a "cooter" you're fired for life.
Heard rumors that a coworker slept her way to a promotion. Damn, if the bosses only saw how much I sleep at my desk I'd own this place.
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