#becky

Whenever Becky says anything in the breakroom, I just say, "well, that got racist pretty fast" and walk out. I hate you so much, Becky.

Oh my god Becky look at her roast beef sandwich

Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.

Becky on Facebook is having a bad hair day and wonders if anything will ever go right. Be strong Becky, be strong. Also shut up.

Her: I bet you forgot it. Him: I have a photographic memory. [shakes violently] Her: ? Him: Sorry, it's a Polaroid. Is it Becky? Her: NO

I've never seen 'Downton Abbey', but I did see the episode of 'Roseanne' when Becky "cut the cheese" at least 50 times.

"Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt!" "DOCTOR PLEASE SHE IS CODING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!"

14-year old Becky writes "Stop wars" as her Facebook status. It gets nine "likes", all from world leaders. Peace reigns forever. She did it.

How to pass the Bechdel Test ""Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt.""

Reason for Divorce The other day at work I ran into Tom. We chatted over lunch and he dropped a bombshell on me. ""Rodney,"" he said, ""Becky and I are going to get a divorce."" I was stunned. ""Why? What happened, you two seem so happy together."" ""Well,"" he said, ""ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking, running around at all hours of the night and more. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical m…

Sorry Wrong Number! It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. ""Hello?"" A girl's voice came over the line. ""Can I speak to Ben, please?"" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. ""I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"" ""Do you know what time he'll be back?"" she responded. ""I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."" Silence on the other end... a confused …

Modern Pedophiles A pedophile sits in his van outside a middle school, to try and get 'lucky' with some of the girls just getting out of class. The first girl walks across the streets from school and he says, ""Hey honey, could you come here, I need directions."" She responds she doesn't talk to strangers and keeps walking. The second girl walks across the streets from school and he says, ""Hey honey, could you come here, I'm trying to find the nearest grocery store."" She responds she isn't com…

A joke I heard on a stand up routine. My friend has a four year old daughter and incidentally she is the funniest person you'll ever meet. One day she came home from school and I was over at his house so I asked her ""hey, how was school today?"" And she responded ""okay. But Becky hit me in the balls with a football."" Now she has an older brother so she's only ever heard of this place as referred to the balls. So I look at my friend and he gives me a look. Layer on he says ""a good father woul…

The Alligator Trick A family from (a redneck town of your choice) was traveling to Florida on vacation. They saw a store on the roadside that advertised Alligator Shows. They stopped and waited for the next show. The Alligator trainer started the show by tapping the Alligator on the head with a stick and the Alligator snapped his mouth shut quickly. He then tapped the Alligator on the head two times with the stick and the Gator slowly closed his mouth very softly not making a sound. The trainer …

another sarah and moishe Sarah has to get some minor surgery or other but it's going to require shaving. Down there. Sara says no one but my husband moishe is shaving me there. Doctor gets Moishe, explains the situation, gives him a can of shaving cream and a disposable razor. Moishe takes the can, carefully applies the shaving cream, then picks up the disposable razor. He looks at his objective for a minute, at the razor, back to his objective, perplexed. He says, 'Hey, Sarah. Go like this! [ma…

Two hunters and a hole Two guys are hunting, one guy says ""Whoa, big hole. How deep is that?"" Other guy says ""Let's throw something in the hole and see."" They see a rusty old anvil and drag it to the hole, throw it in and hear no sound of it hitting the bottom. Suddenly they hear something galloping and a goat is coming at them at a blistering speed, almost knocking them down as it flies past the two and dives into the hole. ""Becky? Becky!!"" Yells a farmer running toward them. He stops nea…

Abe & Becky are in bed .... Abe says to Becky 'Take off your nightie' to which Becky says 'No' Abe tries again 'Please take off your nightie'. 'No' says Becky. Abe is really frustrated, gets up and goes out for a walk slamming the door behind him - so Becky locks it. When Abe gets back he hammers on the door and asks Becky to open it which she refuses to do. Abe is really annoyed now so he batters the door down. As he is standing there Becky says :- 'What a man. Strong enough to batter a doo…

An all girls school, school bus flips over and kills all the girls. When arriving at heaven's gates... they are asked to get into a line. Jesus stands at the front and asks the first girl if she had ever done something with a boy's privates. She responds ""yes, I've touched one before."" Jesus answers, ""Ok please put your finger into the holy water and then enter heaven."" So the girl dips her finger in the holy water and proceeds to enter into heaven. Jesus then asks the next girl the same que…

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. ""Hello?"" A girl's voice came over the line. ""Can I speak to Ben, please?"" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. ""I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"" ""Do you know what time he'll be back?"" she responded. ""I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."" Silence on the other end... a confused silence. ""Is this S…

A few years ago when the Catholic church reform began to be much in the news Mrs. Moskowitz said to Mrs. Finkelstein ""Tell me Becky have you heard by chance what's going on in Rome?"" ""No"" said Mrs Finkelstein. ""I haven't. What's going on in Rome?"" ""A meeting of high Catholic churchmen has among other things decided that the Jews are not responsible for the crucifixion of Jesus."" Mrs Finkelstein raised her eyebrows. ""Indeed? And who is responsible then?"" ""I'm not sure"" said Mrs. Mosko…

Dear John Revenge (Sorry if repost) Again, sorry if this is a re post but I love it! A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" Letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love, Becky The Mari…

A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence... ...that contains the word "contagious." Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagious a lot of people died." "Very good," says the teacher. "One more?" Little Johnny then stands up and says "my next door neighbour recently started painting…

Two hunters are in a forest. They come across a very deep hole and one hunter says to the other "How deep is that?" They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom but then they see a goat sprinting past them and jump into the hole. They stand by the hole thinking about what just happened until a farmer comes along. The farmer says "Have you seen my goat Becky?" The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hol…

A couple are out having dinner They are in the middle of their meal when a gorgeous young woman walks up to the table, kisses him on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie." The wife is furious. "Who was that?" That was Giselle. She's my mistress." "That's it. I've suspected for a long time, but to have her come up like that is too much. I want a divorce." "Honey, stop and think about it for a minute. I love you, and I want to stay together. She's just a harmless bit of fun. And you r…

It was only three times... promise. Sam was very ill and it looked like the end might be approaching so he calls his wife Becky near. Sam says to her, "Becky, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?" Becky replies, "Oh Sam, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..." "Yes, Becky, I really want to know. Please..." "Well, all right. Yes, 3 times..." "Three? Well, when were they?" he asked. "Well, Sam, remember when you were 35 years old and you reall…