#hunter

A man was asked by his cousin to come with him to his hunting lodge... With them was the cousin's hunting friends. As it was raining the first day, and since none of them didn't feel like spending a whole day out in the wet, they decided to stay inside. After a while the man got bored and asked his cousin if they couldn't do anything. The cousin said: ""Well, we could tell each other jokes. I'll start."" The cousin thought for a moment and then said ""27"". And all the other hunters started to l…

3 hunters are in the woods. Ok so 3 hunters are walking through the woods when they see some tracks on the ground. The first hunter said they were deer tracks. The second hunter said no they are bear tracks. The third hunter didn't get to say anything because he got ran over by a train.

An emergency phone call Two hunters were out in the woods, when suddenly a snake attacked them. Seeing his bitten friend convulsing, the other hunter contacted 911. Hunter: Help! My friend was bitten by a snake and he is violently convulsing! Operator: Please keep calm, sir. Is he still breathing? Hunter: No. I don't think he is. I don't feel a pulse. I think he's dead! Operator: Please make sure that he IS dead sir. There was a long silence on the operator's line, followed by a gunshot. Hunter:…

The 100 MPH Goat *(I live in Tennessee. No offense to rednecks everywhere else...)* Two Tennessee rednecks are out hunting, and as they are walking along they come upon a huge hole in the ground. They approach it and are amazed by the size of it. The first hunter says, ""Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."" The second hunter says, ""I don't know, let's throw something down and listen and see how long it takes to hit bottom."" The first hunter says, ""The…

The Hunter The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfo…

A big game hunter walked into the bar... ...and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him, and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel. And if he could locate the bullet hole. he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was wil…

A young man went to a bear hunter's house... ...He says to the old bear hunter:""I have been poor my entire life, can you please accept me as your disciple and teach me your ways of hunting?"" The old bear hunter refused at first, but after the young man begs for several times he finally accepted. He took out his 22-gauge rifle and says to young man:""Listen here, kindo. I often hunt bears during the beginning of winter. At the time most bears will starts to hibernate. They will be half asleep a…

Frank goes hunting in the woods by himself. He comes across a small black bear drinking from a stream so he shoots and kills it. He then feels a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and sees a large black bear. ""Hey"", says the bear. ""You just killed my cousin. What's your name?"" ""Um....Frank"", the hunter says nervously. ""Well Frank"", says the bear, ""Now you have to pay for that."" The bear proceeds to scratch and maul Frank, and finally, sodomizes him. Two days later, Frank gets out of …

Two hunters found a deep hole in the woods... One hunter looked down in the hole and said to the other, ""how deep you think that hole is?"" The other hunter said ""I don't know, lets throw somethin' down in there and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."" There was an old transmission laying next to the hole so the hunter picks it up and throws it in the hole and waits for the sound. A few seconds later a goat comes running full speed and jumps down into the hole. ""That was strange"" said …

Two deer hunters hired a pilot to take them way back into the forest. After the hunt, the pilot returned and saw that they shot six deer. ""The plane won't carry six deer, you'll have to leave two of them,"" said the pilot. Unwilling to leave their deer, the hunters said ""We got six on the plane last year."" The pilot gave in, and just five minutes after takeoff the plane crashed into the forest. Lucky to be alive, one of the hunters said, ""Any idea where we are?"" The second hunter said, ""Ye…

There are 2 hunters in the woods and 1 collapses. There are 2 hunters in the woods and 1 collapses, the other one calls 911 and a dispatcher answers. The dispatcher says ""911 how can we help you?"" The hunter says ""I need some help my fellow hunter just fell in the woods, what should I do?"" The dispatcher answers back ""First make sure he is dead, Okay?"" We here a gun shot. The hunter then says ""What do I do next?""

Two hunters in the woods Two hunters are in the woods. The first says ""man I really need to crap but I didn't bring any toilet paper"" the second hunter says ""don't you have a dollar or something in your wallet?"" Hunter 1 says ""oh yea I'll be back"" 10 or so minutes pass and the first hunter finally comes back with crap all over his hands. Hunter 2 says ""what happened?!?"" Hunter 1 "" you try wiping with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel""

Two men go hunting In an unfortunate accident one of them accidentally shoots his buddy who falls down immediately and stops moving. In panic he immediately calls 911 and explains the situation: ""Hello miss, I accidentally shot my buddy while hunting! He looks dead, can you send help please!"" The lady answers: ""okay calm down and follow my steps, can you make sure to know if he really is dead?"" The hunter says: ""sure, just a second"" *BANG* ""Okay, what's the next step?""

The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him ca…

A hunter accidently shot a sacred animal one day... ... And the devil came to him. He said 'Ordinarily, I would take you to Hell for this. However, I will let you go, as long as you are able to cope with living with 3 of the poor beasts you shot. However, you must keep them alive and close to you at all times.' The hunter replied 'HA! Do your worst! I've killed these beasts, I can muster the strength to keep them under control.' He devil raised the first; a rabbit, with rabies. The hunter wasn't…

Native Joke (A Little Long) A native hunter is canoeing down the length of a river during winter. Due to the cold, the river is half ice, half slush. He's had a successful hunt and the canoe is filled with meat and fur. Along his journey his canoe becomes trapped in ice, and he tries to dislodge the canoe. While he is working he notices 4 wolves on the opposite bank starting towards him. Becoming concerned, he tries to work faster, but his canoe will not budge. The wolves are closer still, and t…

Hunter goes out in the Amazon A rifle armed hunter goes out in the Amazon looking for some new game to show for. He stumbles across a monkey and points his gun right at him about to pull the trigger. The monkey yells, ""Please Mr. Hunter don't shoot me! I got a family, kids, and a whole life just like yours."" The hunter says, ""Alright, alright. Let me just cut your arm off and that will hold me over for the night."" The monkey says, ""Please I need my arm to swing tree from tree and get home t…

A man goes hunting in the woods... He sees a bear. He takes aim and shoots at the bear. He sees the dirt pop up behind the hear and goes out to find the blood trail. The hunter gets down but can't find the blood trail or the bear. He feels a tap on his shoulder, turns, and finds the bear. The bear says, ""You have two options, you can be mauled to death or you can bend over and take it."" Not wanting to die, the hunter bends over and takes it from the bear. The hunter decides to go back to camp …

Two friends were hunting in the woods one day... When they stumbled upon a giant, gaping hole. They were confused because they had been in that part of the woods several times, and they'd never seen it before. ""Damn. How deep do ya s'pose it is?"" one asks. ""Couldn't say..."" Says the other. ""Hey, hows about we drop something in n' find out?"" The two men look around for something to throw in. One finds a decent-sized tree branch, takes it to the hole, and drops it in. The two men listen clos…

God' Good Grace Two hunters were in the woods sitting around a camp fire. The first hunter says to the other I think I heard something over there pointing into the woods. He leaves finds a deer and shoots it. He guts the dear right where he shot it, and heads back to camp. The second hunter decides he needs to take a shit and heads into the woods. About 10 minutes later he runs back into the camp screaming ""you'll never believe what happened, I shit out my guts!"" He holds up his pointer and in…

Three hunters come across some tracks in the middle of the woods... The first hunter says its wolf tracks the second says its bear tracks the third was hit by a trian

2 deer hunters go out one fall afternoon in to the forest to get in early for the evening hunt. After hours of hunting they finally kill a large buck. One of the men who was planning on using the bathroom at the campsite near their hunting area decides to take a dump in the woods. As he walks off the other hunter starts to field dress the deer when he thinks of the childish idea to place the intestines of the deer underneath his friend. using his sweet hunting sneak skills he drops off the organ…

Heard you guys like hunting jokes There's the two hunters walking along in the woods. They walk deep into the forest where it's kind of dark and hard for them to see completely clearly. They come upon some tracks, which they almost didn't even see. The first hunter says ""Hm, that them's deer tracks. Since we got us a deer tag I reckon we follow em and bag us a deer."" The second hunter goes ""I ain't wasting my time, clearly them there's are bear tracks."" They hover over the tracks and argue a…

Written on a desk at my school. Two hunters were walking in the woods. It was starting to get dark, so they decided to head back to camp. The first hunter said to the second hunter, ""Go on ahead, I have to take a dump"". So the second hunter heads back to camp, and on his way back he shoots a huge deer, and he runs back up the trail to find the first hunter squatting behind a stump, snoring loudly. The second hunter sneaks back to his kill and removes all its organs, carries them up the trail, …

A big game hunter walks into a bar A big game hunter walked into a bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man had undoubtedly a good shot and no one would dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal from feeling its skin, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the h…