#house-he

A young man went to a bear hunter's house... ...He says to the old bear hunter:""I have been poor my entire life, can you please accept me as your disciple and teach me your ways of hunting?"" The old bear hunter refused at first, but after the young man begs for several times he finally accepted. He took out his 22-gauge rifle and says to young man:""Listen here, kindo. I often hunt bears during the beginning of winter. At the time most bears will starts to hibernate. They will be half asleep a…

So a gay guy just bought a house... He is now a Homowner

A blonde teenager wanting to earn some extra money... A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a ""handy-woman"" She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. ""Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,"" he said, ""How much will you charge me?"" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, ""How about $50?"" The man a…

George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked ""Is someone in your house?"" He said ""No, but some people are breaking into…

Burglar breaks into a house He starts grabbing all the expensive electronics and sending them out the window. As he's carrying away the stereo system he hears a soft voice call out, ""Jesus is watching you..."" Looking around he can't see anyone, so he decides to ignore it. Later, while carrying the tv, he hears the voice again, ""Jesus is watching you..."" Looking around he sees a parrot was the source of the voice. ""Hello,"" said the parrot. ""I'm Moses."" The burglar looked confused for a mo…

One spelling mistake in a hurry can make a hell.. One spelling mistake in a hurry can make a hell.. ! Husband wrote a romantic message to his wife on his official trip and missed an ""e"" in the last word of a letter. Now he is seeking police protection to enter his own house.... He wrote ""Hi darling I'm experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her !!""

paint my porch A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a ""handy-woman"" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. ""Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch,"" he said. ""How much would you charge me?"" The blonde quickly responded, ""How about $50?"" The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in…

Ted decides to spruce up his house He asks his wife what color she wants the bedroom painted and she requests that he provide a selection of colors representing aquatic life. He comes back with a selection of paints and she proceeds to browse through them. On the 7th sample she points and excitedly declares, ""Oh! The hue Manatee!""

A burglar breaks into a house...... He switches on his flashlight to help see what he's doing & as he shines it above the fireplace he sees three items on the wall, very nicely arranged, they are.........a Crucifix, a painting of the Pope, and a photograph of the Vatican. He stifles a yawn & thinks ""Ok, Catholics...I get it & I don't really care as long as I can get some nice stuff here"". He returns to filling his bag, a PS4, some jewelry coffee maker......when, all of a sudden, he…

A Burglar Breaks into a house... He breaks into the house and initially he hears ""Jesus is watching you."" He shrugs it off and continues to his burglary. Again he hears, ""Jesus is watching you."" He looks around and sees a parrot, and the bird repeats, ""Jesus is watching you."" The burglar asks the bird what its name is, and it says that its name is Moses. The burglar then asks the bird ""Who the hell names their bird Moses?"" The bird replies, ""The same guy who names the Doberman Pinscher …

So, A Man Breaks Into a House... He begins looking for valuables and such when he hears a voice. ""Jesus is watching you."" The man looks around for the source of the voice. It speaks again. ""Jesus is watching you."" After a few moments, the man finds a parrot in a cage. ""Jesus is watching you."" It says. The man smirked. ""Hey there, little guy. What's your name?"" ""Moses."" ""What kind of people name their parrot Moses?"" ""The same kind of people who name their rottweiler Jesus.""

A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue. 'Is it moving?' they asked. 'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'

I rang up a local builder and said, ""I want a skip outside my house."" He said, ""I'm not stopping you."" **Tim Vine**

George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked ""Is someone in your house?"" He said ""No."" Then they said ""All patrols were busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."" George s…

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says ""Hey Tommy wanna play house?"" He says ""Sure! What do you want me to do?"" The girl replies ""I want you to communicate your thoughts."" ""Communicate my thoughts?"" said a bewildered Tommy. ""I have no idea what that means."" The little girl smirks and says ""Perfect. You can be the husband.""

Three wives Three women are chatting, a French, an American and a Russian. The French says: "After we got married, I told my husband right away that I was not going to cook, do dishes and laundry or clean the house. He disappeared, I didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came back with a housemaid. Now she does all that, and I just sit and relax all day long." The American says: "Well, after we got married, I told my husband the same. Didn't see him for a day, two, three, then he came…