#skip

I find it odd that my son's teacher would like to see him skip grade one without knowing how horribly he screwed up when doing our taxes.

A cheetah stalking its prey would envy the velocity at which I click the skip button when Apple Music plays a Nickelback track

I wish there was a "skip this ad" button that I could use when talking to annoying people in real life.

I was throwing some old stuff away So I called my local waste removal company and asked: Can I have a skip outside my house tomorrow? And the cheeky bastard said: you can cartwheel round the block any time for all I care.

The Rabbit Joke So on the island of Newfoundland there was once a tourist, who had come from the United States. He had come a very long way to see the beautiful views and wildlife of the island. He rented himself a car at the airport and set off to see the sights. But just as he started down the airport road, he heard a thump from under his rental cars tire. Thinking he may have rented a lemon, he pulled to the shoulder of the road an got out to check the car. With utter dismay he realized he ha…

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs being towed behind your boat? Skip.

Where does a thumb meet its type? At ***the space bar!*** oh-my-goodness! ~Skip

F*ck and F*ck are sitting on a fence... F*ck falls off, WHO GIVES A F*CK! Stupidity is a niche! ~Skip

What do you call ... with no arms or legs These are some of my mothers favorite jokes What do you call two men with no arms or legs hanging in front of a window? Curt an' Rod! What do you call a man and a woman on a grill with no arms or legs? Frank and Patty! What do you call a man with no arms or legs being pulled by a boat? Skip! What do you call a man with no arms or legs in the water? Bob

A young boy was obsessed with tractors.. He got a toy tractor and tractor pyjamas for his birthday, and he loved them with all his heart. 2 years later he got his first mini tractor, and rode it everyday until it became too small. Skip forward again, it was his 16th birthday, and his dad bought him his first real tractor. He takes it out to work around his dad's farm, which is what he always wanted to do. After a month he suddenly decided that farming wasn't for him and he was no longer interest…

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs... In the ocean? Bob. At your door? Matt. Being thrown out of a car? Skip. At a baseball game? Chuck. In a meat grinder? Frank. In your mailbox? Bill. On your wall? Arty. On a chalkboard? Drew. In a mug? Joe.

Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years. What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall? Art. What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch? Matt. What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole? Doug. What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch? Phil. What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps? Skip. What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water? Bob. What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves? Russell. What do you call a quad…

I asked my soap who it voted for, it said... I'd lather not say! note: This one came to me in the shower just now, gotta go back in now. Oh, the irony! I think. ~Skip

Why did the knife quit? It couldn't CUT IT! woohoo! I made this one up while sitting at a buffet table. Enjoy! ~Skip

Which side of a horse has the most hair? The OUTSIDE! oh-my-goodness, that's hilarious! ~Skip

What did the knob say to the door? I LOCK you a lot! yep, its corny, indeed, but... I'm tryin'! ~Skip

I rang up a local builder and said, ""I want a skip outside my house."" He said, ""I'm not stopping you."" **Tim Vine**

What did the picture say to the Judge? I WAS FRAMED! I just now made that up. I feel good about this one! ~Skip

What did the wall ask the picture? (All together now!) ***""How's it hangin'?""*** ~Skip

Why did the paper follow the pencil? Because it LED THE WAY! I'm on a roll here! this is fun! ~Skip

What's the smartest dinosaur? Thesaurus Rex! omg, I crack myself up! ~Skip

An oldie but goldie! *How do you stop a charging bull?* ***Take away its credit card!*** wa-waa-waaaa! ~Skip

* You dance and it makes the band skip. * You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live. * You put mayonnaise on an aspirin. * You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts. * Your driver's license says, ""Picture continued on other side."" * You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture. * You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth. * You could sell shade. * Your blood type is Ragu. * Y…

A good one for those of you finishing up finals. 4 buddies are seniors in college and all 4 of them have 4.0 GPAs and are majoring in biology. Even though their last final is on Monday, they decide they wanted to go to the all girls college across town and party until Saturday night, come back Sunday, study all day, and take the exam on Monday. When they got to the party at the other college they were having so much fun that they decided to stay the whole weekend, skip that test, and ask the pr…

It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow. Monday.