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#father-murphy

Jokes

An Irish monastery takes a vow of silence... The monks agree to let a single monk speak one sentence each year, on Easter. Father O'donnel was the first year, he spoke: ""I think the potatoes are too lumpy."" On the second year Father Kennedy spoke at Easter: ""I think the potatoes are just right."" On the third year of the unbroken vow of silence, Father Murphy was chosen to speak on Easter. He spoke: ""I think that there's too much talk about the potatoes.""

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Father Murphy walks into a pub ... Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" The man said ""I do, Father"". The priest said ""Then stand over there against the wall"". Then the priest asked the second man ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" ""Certainly, Father"" was the man's reply. ""Then stand over there against the wall"" said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" O'Toole

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The King and his donkey? Father Murphy tried that too... [BringItOnFellas' previous version here](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2dru6u/a_king_enrolled_his_donkey_in_a_race_and_won/) Father Murphy's parish was always scratching for the mortgage payment, until one day he came up with a plan: they would buy a racehorse, enter it in a few races down at the track, and see if they could win some money. The council agreed, the hat was passed, and the good Father went to the next horse auction.

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A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession... When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, ""So... what did you confess to?"" ""I told Father Murphy I gave my boyfriend a handjob in the back seat of the car. He told me to say ten Hail Marys and wash my hands in the font of holy water."" The first girl

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Father Murphy walked into a pub and said to the first Marine he met ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" The Marine said ""I do Father."" The priest said ""Leave this pub right now!"" He then approached a second Marine. ""Do you want to got to heaven?"" ""Certainly Father"" was the Marine's reply. ""Then leave this den of Satan!"" said the priest. Father Murphy then walked up to an old SgtMaj and asked ""Do you want to go to heaven?"" The SgtMaj replied: ""No I don't Father."" The priest looked h

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Race Father Murphy wants to raise money for his church and he has heard that there is a fortune to be made in horse racing. However, he does not have enough money to buy a horse, so he decides to buy a donkey instead and enters him in a race. To his surprise the donkey comes third. The headline on the sports page reads: ”Priest’s Ass Shows.” Father Murphy enters it in another race and this time it wins. The headline reads: ”Priest’s Ass Out Front.” The bishop is so upset by this kind of p

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Importance of Audience Father Murphy woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He told the Associate Priest that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. The moment the Associate Priest left the room, Father Murphy headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.Setting up on the first tee,

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A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are playing poker when the cops raid the game. The lead officer questions the priest, “Father Murphy, were you gambling? Father Murphy silently asks God to forgive him for what he is about to say. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop turns to the minister, “Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?” Pastor Johnson also appeals to Heaven. “No, Officer. I was not gambling.” The cop finally turns to the rabbi. “Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?” “Gambling?”

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