#abe-lincoln

When you're in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn't slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President.

you know who else had a "fun hat phase"? Abe Lincoln. and we all know what happened to THAT guy

" I made my famous dip for the office party" You're a regular Abe Lincoln. "But he wasn't a chef" Exactly

I bet Abe Lincoln only paid with $5 bills then as the cashier's face lit up, he'd smugly grin "yep."

why did abe lincoln get released from prison? because he's in a cent

JFK and Abe Lincoln were two of the greatest president of all history. I think it's because they were so Open Minded.

A man died and went to heaven. At the pearly gate, the man saw an enormous wall covered with clocks. He asked St. Peter, what's with the clocks? St. Peter explained that everyone was assigned a clock, and each time they told a lie, the clock would move ahead one minute. The man saw a clock at straight up 12:00. He asked whose clock that was. St. Peter replied, Mother Theresa, she never told a lie. Another clock showed 12:02. He was told it belonged to Abe Lincoln. The man asked, where's Hillary'…

What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge? ""Wait... I freed ***WHO***?!?!?""

Right before Abe Lincoln was shot Mary Todd Lincoln: See honey, I told you it wouldn't kill you to take me out sometime.

Did you know Abe Lincoln was Jewish? He got shot in the temple

An older man walks into a bar... ...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, ""Going to a party?"" ""Yeah, a costume party,"" the man answers, ""I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."" ""But you look like Abe Lincoln,"" protests the bartender. ""That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.""

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She has waited so long..... The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Washington says, ""Never tell a lie."" ""Ouch!"" Says Hillary, ""I don't know about that."" The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears... Hillary says, ""How can I best serve my country?"" Jefferson says, ""Listen to the people."" ""Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."" On…

A father believed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son... ""When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."" Without looking up from his game, the boy pointed out, ""When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States.""

A boy sits in class watching the clock when the teacher stands up in front of the class And tells the class since there isn't much time before the end of class and it was Friday she will play a game with them. She explains the rules. Teacher: Guess which president said the quote and you can leave early. The boy is excited this is his favorite subject and he knows he is going home early today. Teacher: "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." The boy r…

A Lincolnian love life An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phoney beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?" "Yeah," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," protested the barkeep. "That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago.”

Johnny was sitting in class... ...and the teacher told them they would be dismissed after they matched the quote to the president. She starts with "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Johnny raises his hand, but Sally calls out "FDR" "Correct!" says the teacher, and lets her leave. She asks the next quote: "If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong." Johnny raises his hand again, but Sarah calls out "Abe Lincoln" The teacher lets Sarah leave. At this point, Johnny is getting p…

A teacher asked her kindergartens... Who the most important person in history is and whoever gets it right gets 5 dollars, one of the kids yells, "Abe Lincoln." The teacher smiles and shakes her head no, another kid yells, "George Washington." Again, the teacher shakes her head. The class becomes quiet as they all begin to think before one of the children goes, "jesus!" The teacher responds."That's right! But wait, aren't you jewish?" To which the child goes, "well, the correct answer is Moses,…

Civil War spoilers Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth.

Why did Abe Lincoln and Stephen Douglas get thrown out of the church? Because they were caught mass debating in the bathroom.

What did Abe Lincoln say when he was arrested? I'm-in-a-cent!

What did Abe Lincoln say to the judge when he asked how he pleas? I'm in a cent.

What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge? "Wait… I freed ?!?!?"

What did Abe Lincoln say after a night of drinking? "I set WHO free?"

Old Man John sits down at the bar and orders a drink. He's wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat, and a phony beard. The bartender sets John's drink down and asks, "Going to a party, John?" "Yeah," John answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life." "But you look like Abe Lincoln," argues the barkeep. "That's right... My last four scores were seven years ago!"

Signs That You're Broke: At communion you go back for seconds. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. Long distance companies don't call you to switch. You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice. McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a…