#american-express

Don't you wish after a break-up you wouldn't get phone stalked & mail stalked & email stalked? It's OVER, American Express. Let. Me. Go.

TIFU by disappointing a girl with my 3.2 incher. She didn't take American Express.

The Fairy and the Illegal Alien A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute illegal alien outside the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Offices. ""My good man,"" the fairy said, ""I've been told to grant you three wishes, since you've just arrived in the U.S. with your wife and seven children."" The man told the fairy, ""Well in Guatemala, where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe with a lot of gold in them."" The fairy looked at the man's almost toothl…

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, ""Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our…

A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports I reminded him he needed a visa. ""Oh no I don't I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."" I double checked and sure enough his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said ""Look I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.""

It only takes 3 inches to please a woman And it doesn't matter if it's Visa, MasterCard, or American Express.

Just arrived in Brazil and many of the English translations were spelled incorrectly. For example, "Taxi Rank" was spelled "Taksi Rank", and instead of "American Express" it said "American Ekspress". I was intrigued, so I asked the concierge at our hotel why that was. Concierge: "Oh, yes sir, that's because X is now banned in our country"

Stranded on an island Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. ​ Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, ​ “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. “ ​ “Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescu…

Signs That You're Broke: At communion you go back for seconds. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank. Long distance companies don't call you to switch. You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice. McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!" Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a…