#amanda

[high school reunion] Amanda: wow, you haven't changed a bit me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know

[third date] Her: please quit calling me Jenny Me: oh my apologies Jennifer Her: my name is Amanda

ME: Guess who was just promoted to be the new CEO! COWORKER: Amanda. ME: Why would you assume it's a man?

Doesn't count, officer, you forgot to read me my amanda rights! "Your what?" You know, my... [mumbles] banana rights.

Just once, I'd like to see an honest Facebook status, like "happy birthday to my average-looking, sort of friend, Amanda!"

Sorry Amanda. There will be no second date. First off, the plural of shrimp IS shrimp. Not shrimps. Also it's pronounced sammon, not sallman

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John. Where is John's father? Let M be the age in years of Amanda now. Let C be the age in years of John now. Then: M = C + 21 M + 6 = 5(C + 6) C + 21 + 6 = 5(C + 6) C + 27 = 5C + 30 -3 = 4C C = -3/4 John is -3/4 years old, which is -9 months old. So, right now, John's father is inside Amanda.

A knock knock joke I made up when I was 5. Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Amanda. ""Amanda who?"" A man, duh. (Thought it was hilarious at the time.)

I once unknowingly dated a transvestite ignoring all the clues Such as her name being Amanda.

In exchange for eternal youth, Amanda promised a witch her firstborn child. Amanda's a lesbian.

Blond This blonde girl went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mum responded, ""Amanda, they just wanted to see your panties!"" Amanda replied, ""See Mum, I was smart, I took them off!""

To all the Ananda's out there.. What's better than eating a mandarin? Eating Amanda out.

My friend Amanda is an entrepreneur... She decided to create a cross-dressing boutique. She called it ""Amanda's A Man, Duh"".

A customer walks into the store Two employees named Bob and John are in a store when a customer comes in. The customer has long hair and a slender body yet big muscles and broad shoulders. Bob says to John ""Is that person a male or female. Its really hard to tell."" John says, ""I'm not sure but I think she is a woman."" Bob shakes his head and says, ""I think he is a man. But I will find out."" So they make a bet. More customers come in and John leaves to finish his work as Bob walks around th…

Rich guy showing off. In a locker room, a phone rings and Kenny picks it up and puts it on speaker. Kenny- ""Hello?"". Woman- ""Hi honey!"". Kenny- ""Whos this?"". Woman- ""Its amanda. Your wife?"". Kenny- ""Oh! Sorry honey, I just picked up the phone and didnt see who was calling. What is it?"". Amanda- ""its nothing... Im in the mall in the store Guess and they have this beautiful leather jacket and leather boots! I was wondering if you could let me buy them?"". Kenny- ""How much are they?"". …

blonde joke 1. four sailor girls have tried to rebuild a titanic. unfortunetely, they crash on an island. the first, being a normal redhead, is an exellent swimmer. she makes it all the way to new york city in just an hour. the second one, a ginger, swims one quarter of the way but drowns. the third, a brunnette, swims about 1 quarter of the way but realizes she too could drown and swims back to the island, deciding eventually she'll try to go back when she is more skilled. the last one, a blond…

I told my Family about my Wife's condition I sent them all a group message letting them know my wife Amanda hadn't been feeling well as of late so we went to the doctor and they found a mass the size of a lemon in her.

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now Amanda will be 5 times as old as John. Where is John's father?

What's better than eating a mandarin? Eating Amanda out.

What's the worst name a transvestite could choose? Amanda