Teacher students joke . ""what do you want to become when you grow up?"" A teacher asked his young students. ""I Want to be a like Iron Man"" Thomas answered. ""OK, But Iron Man didn't just become like that without studying and working hard. I hope you become like him one day."" said the teacher smiling. ""What about you Alice?"" he continued, gesturing towards Alice. ""I want to become an Actress and become famous?"" said Alice. ""Well I hope you achieve that one day and we see you in a great m

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Double Whammy So about a year and a half ago, I started dating a girl who loved to hear me play guitar. Her name was Alice, and probably her favorite song I played was Barracuda, and she was really into 80s music and culture. I really liked this girl and wanted to get serious, so I decided I wanted to get her something special for Christmas. I don't own any music on vinyl, except I did have the album Bad Animals by Heart (who wrote Barracuda), so I decided to give it to her. Cue Christmas day, w

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A father is in hospital after his wife and kids had horrible car crash He sees the surgeon walk out of the door, covered in blood with worried face, he sprints to ask him how did everything went. Surgeon looks at him and says ""well, do you remember how Alice, your beautifull daughter wanted to do modeling?"" - ""Yes doctor i do, what happened!?"" instantly replies dad, "" well the pieces of glass cut up her face real bad.. She wont ever do modeling"" Dad gets more and more sad by the second. ""

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His wife was packing her things ... Joe comes home from work to find his wife Alice packing her bags. ""Where are you going?"" Joe asked. ""I'm going to New York! I just heard that I can get $400 a night for doing what I do for with you for free."" Alice replied Joe then walks over to the closet and pulls out a bag and starts packing his things. ""Where are you going?"" Alice asked. ""I'm going to New York. I want to see how you live on $800 a year!""

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Ran into an old classmate. My name is Alice, and i was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma on the wall, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago. Could he be the same guy that i had a secret crush on, way back then? Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the de

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Sorry Wrong Number! It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. ""Hello?"" A girl's voice came over the line. ""Can I speak to Ben, please?"" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. ""I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"" ""Do you know what time he'll be back?"" she responded. ""I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."" Silence on the other end... a confused

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It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre. After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano it was time for the Star of the Show: Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. ""Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time,"" said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket. A beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. ""I want you to keep your eyes

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Golf ""is"" a drag Bob and his three golf buddies were out, playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong? Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes, then apologized for his emotional outburst. ""Im sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me."" One of his buddies asked:"" What happened? What could have gotte

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A first grade class comes in from recess. Teacher asks Alice: ""What did you do at recess?"" Alice says, ""I played in the sand box."" Teacher says ""that's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."" She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Billy what he did at recess. Billy says, ""I played with Alice in sand box."" Teacher says, ""Good. If you write 'Box"" correctly on blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."" Billy does, an

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Dale Jarrett, Rusty Wallace and Robert Pressely found themselves in hell. They were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, behind the door was perhaps the ugliest 1973 Pinto they had ever seen. It was multi-colored with plenty of rust and primer...dirty... dry-rotted interior..and you could smell it even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard: ""Dale, YOU HAVE SINNED!!! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in

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It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. ""Hello?"" A girl's voice came over the line. ""Can I speak to Ben, please?"" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. ""I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"" ""Do you know what time he'll be back?"" she responded. ""I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."" Silence on the other end... a confused silence. ""Is this S

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Shit happens It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre. After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano It was time for the Star of the Show- Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to k

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It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre. After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano it was time for the Star of the Show: Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time," said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket. A beautiful antiq

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