#alice

Claude The Hypnotist It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show, Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." Said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I wan…

A hypnotist at a senior home... It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show- Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and c…

Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines.... Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed t…

Freddy the fungus and Alice the algae met one another and... they took a lichen to each other

I said to my friend “My girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character

where did alice go during the explosion? everywhere

Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future? Ray : I want to be a pilot. Mark : I want to be a doctor. Alice: I want to be a good mother. Steven : I want to help Alice!

Knock Knock Who's there? Agatha! Agatha who? Agatha headache. Do you have an aspirin? Knock Knock Who's there? Agnes! Agnes who? Agnes & Topeka & the Santa Fe! 1697. Knock Knock Who's there? Alfred! Alfred who! Alfred the needle if you sew! Knock Knock Who's there? Ali! Ali who? Ali, Ali oxen free! 1698. Knock Knock Who's there? Alice! Alice who? I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!

A man on his deathbed calls over his wife of 60 years. “Alice” he gasps, “my dying wish is that after six months of my passing, you marry Bert from next door.” “But you said that you have always hated Bert” said Alice. ”Oh I do dear, I do!”

A Grandmother was checking out her grand-daughters grasp of colors and tested her regularly. She would ask her and the grand-daughter would always get the color right. One day as we were heading to the doctors she turned to her Grandma and said, “Don't you think it's time you tried to figure some of these out for yourself!?” 1102. “It is said that every fifth person in the world is Chinese. There are five in our family so it has to be one of either mum or dad, my sister Alice or my brother Hil-C…

Alice is talking to her friend Maud in the local coffee shop. She says “I made a huge mistake at supper last night. I meant to say to my mother- in –law, ‘Please could you pass me some butter?’ Instead it came out, ‘You stupid cow, you have totally ruined my life!’”