#sean-connery

When I call 911, I'm gonna do a Sean Connery impersonation to briefly amuse the jurors at my trial.

"Can I shit here?" ---- Sean Connery trying to make friends at the park but making enemies inshtead.

"I'll shave whoever I want! I'll shave you, I'll shave her! I'll shave a goddamn baby if need be!" Sean Connery, boasting about his heroism

*camera pans to a pair of sneakers hanging over a power line* *Sean Connery takes a long drag of his cigarette* "It was a... shoeishide"

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside? ""Shomething'sh Amish...""

Reddit, trade Sean Connery jokes with me (warning: contains shockingly bad puns) The joke I heard here that started it all: What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon? *Tennish* Now, thanks to that discovery, I'm stuck in a tour van with four dudes and we are all hopelessly addicted. Here are what I consider to be our top ten: 1. Did you hear about Sean Connery's fish fry? *'Twas a bash* 2. What kind of trousers does Sean Connery sell at his pants store? *All shorts* 3. Did you hear Sean C…

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? About tennish

When does Sean Connery enjoy playing his favorite sport? Ten-ish.

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard? Because he's no good at shaving.

The difference between Sean Connery and a Silica Tetrahedron One's an ionic bond, the other's an iconic Bond.

How Does Sean Connery Wash His Dishes? Like a Bosch!

Sean Connery had a role in a movie so he had to send his father to a nursing home. After the old man arrived there a nurse forced him to wear a diaper. He was so perplexed that he stayed in his room for a few days and spoke to no one. On a lovely day he decided to spend some time in the garden. He wanted to warm his bones in the sun and enjoy nature. As soon as he tried to leave a nurse stopped him. ""Where are you going?"" ""I just want to relax in the garden and enjoy the warm weather."" ""I a…

I asked Sean Connery what game he was going to play with Roger Federer tomorrow and what time he was going to go He replied: ""Tennish""

Daniel Craig, Pierce Brosnan, and Sean Connery are in a plane when the engine blows out... As the plane plummets towards the ground, the three realize that their only chance is to jump for it. Daniel Craig cries out, ""God save me!"" and leaps from the plane. He lands in a huge haystack and walks away unharmed. Pierce Brosnan yells out, ""God save me!"" and jumps as well. He lands in some thick bushes and walks away with only a few scratches. Sean Connery, likewise, calls out ""God save me!"" an…

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon? Tennish.

Stop eating all the shrimp, Sean Connery It's shellfish.

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon? tenish.

Sean Connery walks into a bar. He says ""I'd like a single shot."" The bartender says ""That's a good idea because if you had the chickenpox, the virus is already in you.""

Sean Connery the plumber, available 24/7, rain or shnow. Becaushe the shitty never shleeps.

Sean Connery and fat girl with a lisp meet in a bar

Sean Connery was injured last night in his sleep when some books fell on his head. He could only blame his shelve.

Why does Sean Connery suck at DIY? A lack of shelf awareness.

Sean Connery was an excellent carpenter. he even wrote a book... ""Shelf help.""

What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open? Tennish

Sean Connery, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are going to be in a movie about classical composers... They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play. Sean Connery says ""I would shertainly like to play Moshart."" Sylvester Stallone says ""Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."" And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says ""I'll be Bach.""