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Reddit, trade Sean Connery jokes with me (warning: contains shockingly bad puns) The joke I heard here that started it all: What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon? *Tennish* Now, thanks to that discovery, I'm stuck in a tour van with four dudes and we are all hopelessly addicted. Here are what I consider to be our top ten: 1. Did you hear about Sean Connery's fish fry? *'Twas a bash* 2. What kind of trousers does Sean Connery sell at his pants store? *All shorts* 3. Did you hear Sean C…

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Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries: A woman wanted ""inspirational material on grass and lawns."" ""Who built the English Channel?"" ""Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?"" ""Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley Temple doll and a teddy bear."" ""Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?""

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Pink-and-purple poofy-rated ping pong ball So, there is a rich man, and he has a son. A month before his son's 5th birthday, he goes to his son and says, ""Son, your fifth birthday is coming soon. I am rich, so I can get you anything you like - money is no object. What would you like for your birthday?"" The son ponders this for a few seconds, then he says to his dad, ""I want a pink-and-purple poofy-rated ping pong ball."" The father is confused. He asks his son what that is, but his son just s…

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So a teddy bear got a job at a mine... Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine. On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep. The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining, then he went to sleep. On his third day though, he got up in the morning, and his pick was nowhere to be found! He searched and searched and searched, but he could not find it …

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Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines 10. You remind me so much of Pokemon that I just want to pick-at-choo. 9. I’m new in town. Can I have directions to your house? 8. I misplaced my Teddy Bear. Will you sleep with me? 7. Wow, your legs must be really tired because you have been running through my mind all night! 6. What's that in your eye? Oh, it must be a twinkle from when our eyes met! 5. Did you clean your pants with Windex, because I can totally see myself in them. 4. Those must be space pants…

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A guy takes a girl to the state fair for their first date. The guy asks her what she wants to do, she says, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weighing booth, where the worker attempts to guess her weight. He guesses wrong the first time, and she gets a teddy bear. They get some funnel cake and play whack-a-mole, until the guy asks again, "I'm having a really great time with you. Now what do you want to do?" She replies, "I want to get weighed!" Confused because they'd already done thi…

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