#teddy

That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.

5yo: [crying] I teddy at home! He'll be sad that I abandoned them! Me: Want to call him & apologize? 5: You don't have his phone number.

Emperor: How are my elite troops doing on Endor? Vader: They were all viciously murdered by teddy bears. Emperor: That sounds plausible.

Spoiler Alert: Ladies ,if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear it has a Camera in it.

Once again, overheard my 13yo tell someone that I was born in the 1900s. Now I want to hide under the covers and stab all her teddy bears.

The Sensitive Man A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment. She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them and sh…

Sensitive men do exist A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears,especially o…

How very odd. Some girl... How very odd. Some girl has had all her valentines flowers and teddy bears delivered to a lamp post on the A50 outside Leicester this evening. Judging by the amount there she must be a right slut

The Sensitive Man A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up leaving together.. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment she notices that one wall of his bedroom is Completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddybears. There are three shelves in the bedroom, with hundreds and hundreds of cute, Cuddly teddy bears carefully placed in rows, covering the entire wall! It's obvious that he has taken quite some time to lovingly arrange them. She's im…

I had a pregnancy scare, so I started reading up on parenting. Experts say, in the last year alone, that last year's %85 of parents who regularly buy their children Teddy Bears have been cut in half this year, leaving the other %15 grateful their parents are in one piece.

I recently purchased a teddy bear for 10 And named it Mohammed, then sold it for 20. My question is.....have I made a Prophet?

Once there was a guy named Jim Sloan... He had a very interesting pet in town. His pet was a rock named Teddy who allegedly could move on his own and loved to eat sugar. There was another man in the same town named James . James had a pet too but his pet was an Iguana. This Iguana was named Kate. James was also Jim's long time rival in the town. One day, James challenged Jim to a race between their pets. Jim of course only makes his income through his pet rock so of course he obliges. Everyone i…

Yellow Change It was a hot day in Texas. After consuming a 2 cans of sprite .. Teddy decided to take a leak...the old fashioned way. He quickly located a small bush and decided to make it his bitch..A police officer spotted him and quickly approached him .. Police Man: Well sir u dun'know out yeaa in texis u goda pay-afine furr pissinnenn out here.. Teddy: * shakes off last bits of urine* oh ofcourse sir ..i was just desperate...i'm willing to do whatever to leave in peace Police officer: well s…

A man meets a gorgeous cougar at a bar. They go back to her place for a night of passion. Afterwards the cub rolls over and asks how it was for her. ""See those 3 shelves of teddy bears. Take any prize on the bottom shelf"" the cougar says.

A long, furry pun... Ever since Jeff was a small boy, he has had a fondness for cute and furry animals. He loved movies with cartoon characters like Thumper, Pooh, and Tigger. His parents indulged him, buying plush toys and teddy bears. He never outgrew his fascination, and as a young man took a job as an assistant at a veterinary clinic so he could be around animals. In the meantime, he taught himself how to cut and sew furry costumes. He got quite good at this, making fantastically detailed ve…

[My favorite] So the parents call in a babysitter She arrives to find the boy she is to take care of crying. Bending down she ask the boy ""what's wrong?"" the boy then responds ""I lost my teddy bear"" ""Oh i can be your teddy bear"" she replies and, the boy agrees. The parents leave and, time passes. ""Bedtime!"" the boy responds ""but, I cant sleep with out my teddy"" ""OK ill sleep together with you"". With the bed sheets covering both of the the boy says ""I like to put my finger in teddys'…

An old one from Isaac Asimov As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore. Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. It just sat there, looking like a rock, but sometimes it lifted a lower edge and sucked in powdered sugar. That was all it ate. No one ever saw it move, but every once in a whil…

So a teddy bear got a job at a mine... Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine. On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep. The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining, then he went to sleep. On his third day though, he got up in the morning, and his pick was nowhere to be found! He searched and searched and searched, but he could not find it …

Girls wanting giant ass teddy bears, & VS bags, and bouquets of underwear for valentines day. Just give me some pizza & I'll love u forever.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on the bottom shelf all the way along the floor, cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is kind of surprised that this guy would have a collectio…

Funny helpdesk chat transcripts: Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... -------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...."" Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ........ --------------------------…

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They go back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears. Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor. Cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher. Huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall. The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, espe…

Q: What do teddy bears like to have in their houses? A: Fur-niture.

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but h…

Q: What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert? A: No thanks, I'm stuffed.