#alaska

A young man got a license to trap furs for the winter in Alaska. After buying supplies in a local town he went into a nearby saloon. Approaching the bartender he asked, ""Is there any action to be had in this town?"" ""What do you mean, action?"" asked the bartender. ""I mean, are there any women,"" said the trapper. ""No, but there's always old Joe,"" replied the bartender. ""No thanks,"" said the trapper. ""I don't go for that kind of stuff."" The next spring the trapper came back into town. A…

What do you call an eye doctor living on an island in Alaska? An optical Aleutian.

In light of the rising frequency of human - grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. They advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle bears that aren't expecting them. They also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of b…

What kind of cows do you find in Alaska? Eski-moos!

Garvin the mammalogist was in Alaska studying polar bear. In sub-zero weather he would spend 7 days out on the ice. But after his 7 days in the field he would return to the small town and spend a day or two resting up and drinking in the only bar in town. On one particular day it was 40 below zero and Garvin made his way into the bar. He asked Bud the bartender for a whiskey. ""I don't know Garvin you sure have run-up a big bill in here."" The bartender told him. "" I know"" Garvin replied ""…

The Elusive Midget Nun Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, walk up to the convent door. The big one nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead, knock on the door, knock on the door.” The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question.” The little Eskimo timidly says, “May we speak with the midget nun that lives here please?” The Mother Superior answers, “There are no midget nuns living here.” …

A Texan is getting drunk in a bar in Alaska... and he starts to brag about how great Texas is. An Alaskan hunter comes up to him and says, "Listen, buddy. Here in Alaska, you ain't shit until you've done three things: Drink a fifth of Alaskan whiskey, shoot a polar bear, and make love to an Eskimo woman." The Texan accepts the challenge and starts by grabbing a bottle of whisky from the counter and painfully chugging it down. He then says that he'll be right back and ambles out the door. A f…

The Pope's Alaska Visit The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly bear. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of loggers came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum slug into the bear's chest. The other men …

So I was talking to my Australian friend when I asked him what country his Mother was from "Alaska" "Okay well tell me what she says"

I forgot my mum's favourite US state... ...so I guess Alaska

My glasses broke when I was vacationing in a remote part of Alaska. There were no Optometrists, I had to settle for an Optical Aleutian.

Thibodeaux and Boudreaux decide that they want to go hunting in Alaska. So they catch a flight up there, then hire a bush pilot to bring them out in the wilderness. Boudreaux shoots him a big ole moose and they drag that thing back to the plane. The pilot takes one look at it and says that the moose is too heavy for the plane. Boudreaux says, "I shot it, I ain't leaving it here." The pilot reiterates that the moose is too heavy. So Boudreaux starts to arguing and cussing. Boudreaux says, "Well…

Bear In A Bar Alaska, early spring, a big old grizzly wakes up early from hibernation and wanders down from his cave into a small town. There he is, strolling down main street, pretty as you please, when he sees a dark opening. He thinks to himself, maby this is a cave, and goes in to investigate, and finds himself in a bar. The barkeep, standing behind the bar, polishing a glass, as barkeeps are want to do, sees the bear stroll up and plop down in front of him, and being non-pulsed, as having …

A penguin grows tired of the cold winters in Alaska... So he buys a used Corvette and heads south for warmer weather. About five hundred miles into the trip the Corvette starts to overheat. He stops in a small town and finds a mechanic to get the issue fixed. The mechanic says he is not going to be able to look at the car for an hour, so the Penguin asks him if there is any place to eat while he waits. The mechanic says there is a great fish and chips right around the corner. So, the penguin…

If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware ? I dunno, Alaska.

I asked my dad where he thinks I should take my outdoor-loving girlfriend on vacation. He said Alaska. It’s been a month now and bastard still hasn’t told me.

Alaska These two guys had both just got divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again.

Someone asked me what the largest state in the US is... ...I told them I don't know but I know a girl who might so Alaska.

A man spends his life working and living in New York and retires to the remote wilderness of Alaska... His house is in the middle of nowhere. He had been living there for months and getting lonely when one day he was out on his property and a man came out of the woods...

""What's the capital of Alaska?"" \- ""Juneau"".

So I was talking to my Australian friend when I asked him what country his Mother was from ""Alaska"

I wonder what my wife's favourite US state is. Maybe Alaska.

Don't retire in Alaska. Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years.  Finally

If I want to bang an Eskimo... Alaska

The Pope's Alaska Visit The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts