#first-human

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and a young girl all board a small plane... Midway through the flight, the pilot has a stroke and the plane starts to go down. There are only three parachutes on board and the four passengers quickly discuss who of them will take them. Immediately the Donald says, ""I'm the first human orange to be nominated for president, I should be given the chance to live!"" He quickly grabs the first chute, slings it on his back, and hops out of the plane. Befo…

The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost. The year is 13,000 BC. The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost. ""You alright?"" They ask him, waiting eagerly at the shore with a distant view of the new lands that awaited them. ""Yeah, I think so,"" the navigator replies, staring intently at some kind of primiti…

A clone experiment gone wrong. A laboratory, hidden from public knowledge, secretly worked on the cloning of humans. Of course, human cloning being illegal, their staff was limited to a select few that had both the credentials and the disregard for rules that was considered essential to be a successful researcher at the facility. And then, naturally, there were the volunteers. Many of the volunteers were quite popular with the scientists, but chief amongst them was Benny. Benny was the picture o…

Three nuns, a postulant, a novitiate, and the mother superior, are driving and get in a car wreck. All three die and go to heaven. Before St. Peter lets them in, he says that to get into heaven, you have to answer one question. He looks to the postulant and says, ""because you're the youngest you get the easiest question. Who was the first human ever created by God?"" The postulant gives a sigh of relief and says, ""Thats easy, obviously it was Adam."" St. Peter opens the gates for her and respo…

Never too soon for Joan. I learned to adore Joan Rivers as an adult, and though the world should miss her presence, we shouldn't feel too sad. She lived a long and productive life, had an outstanding career, supported equal rights for all citizens, and ultimately, she went out doing what she loved, which is getting surgery. We'll miss you Joan. Though she may have passed, Joan Rivers will always be with us, not only in our hearts, but as non-biodegradable remnants that will remain in our soil fo…

FIRST HUMAN BOY: I can lift a monster with one hand. SECOND HUMAN BOY: Bet you can't! FIRST HUMAN BOY: Find me a monster with one hand and I'll prove it.

Old jokes about Russians ..from Soviet times... from Lithuania. Few Days after Jurij Gagarin went to space and was the first human who ever made it into space, in a small village a man is visiting his neighbour. "Jonai ! Did you read that ? The Russians now went into Space!" his neighbour got big eyes, happiness came over his face and he asked back: "Really ? All of them !? " -------- ------------------------------------------------------------------ Few years after occupation the Russi…

So a shark and his son are going to get some food.... They look for a vessel in distress, and when they finally find one, the father says to the son, "I'm going to teach you how to catch your first human. First, you raise your dorsal fin slightly out of the water. Second, you raise all of your fins out of the water, and start circling around them. Finally, you go in and eat them." The father and son swim over to the vessel, and the son executes the meal with ease. The father is impressed with …

The cannibal nervously decided to try his first human meal Much to his dismay, he got cold feet

It was to be the biggest scientific press conference of the decade. Geneticist Rick Hallorann spoke to the crowds of reporters, camera flashes illuminating his face. "The time has finally come for the first human cloning experiment to be performed," he began. "The technology for us to clone humans has been around since the eighties - but only now, after plenty of deliberation, have the many ethics committees and subcommittees ruled in our favor." "What was their ruling?" Interrupted a reporte…

The cannibal nervously decided to try his first human meal Much to his dismay