#bahamas

Wife: It's time for a vacation. Me: Where do YOU want to go? Wife: Hmm... Maybe the Bahamas? Me: Great idea! And, I'LL go camping upstate!

ghosts in movies are stupid if i was a ghost id be in the bahamas but they're just like "lets stay here and move pots and pans"

If I were an astronaut, I'd want to be one for the Bahamas because I really don't want to take the risk of actually going into space.

A doctor, a lawyer and a biker are in a bar Doctor say"" tommorow is my anniversary, I bought my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes, so if she doesn't like the ring, I know she'll like the Mercedes. Then shell know I love her"". Lawyer says ""yea for my last anniversary I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. So if she didnt like the pearls, shed at least like the trip, and know that I loved her."" The biker says "" well for my last anniversary, I bought my old lady a t-sh…

Why is Yahtzee better than the Bahamas? Because it's more than a paradise.

A king so loved his throne... A king so loved his throne that he would sit in it all day. It was made of solid gold and covered in only the finest jewels and (le) gemstones. Well, one day, the king decides he wants to take a vacation to the bahamas. But, he knew that he would miss his throne, so he had his loyal servants pack it up on the boat and take it with him. If you've ever been to the Bahamas, you'll know that their beaches mostly made of sand, and if you've ever dealt with sand, you know…

A professor, a graduate student and a post-doc are researching genie conjuring when, lo and behold, they say the right words and the genie pops out. The genie says, ""I have to give 3 wishes, so since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish."" The post-doc says, ""Me first! I want to be on a beach in Hawaii with a Mai Tai on one side and a Chippendale on the other!"" Poof! She's gone. The grad student says, ""Me next! I want to be in the Bahamas on a speedboat with a beautiful woman rubbing my s…

A lady is bargaining for a honeymoon package abroad.. Says the agent: ""Check it out maam. 3 nights and 4 days in a cruise to Bahamas, all night party and casino environment with free booze. Just $2000 per couple. Hell of a deal."" The lady: ""Umm. Nice one. But do you have anything cheaper?"" The agent: ""Sure maam. 4 nights and 5 days in Australia. Sea surfing, para gliding, 5 star hotel stay and kangaroo ride as well. Just $1500 per couple. Hell of a deal."" The lady: ""Wow. But still.. do ha…

A man is walking on the beach Suddenly, he finds an old lamp. Randomly, he rubs it, and a genie pops out! ""Hello, mortal!"", the genie says. ""Because you freed me from the lamp, I shall grant you ONE wish!"" The man thought long and hard before saying, ""I wish for a bridge to the Bahamas. That way, I could just drive there whenever I wanted to!"" The genie burst into laughter. ""What an utterly idiotic request!"", the genie said. ""Do you have any idea how IMPOSSIBLE such a thing would be? Su…

A duck walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke. After he finishes it he says, ""I'm thinking about taking a vacation to the Bahamas. What do you think?"" The bartender drops a glass and says, ""You must be on quack.""

Anniversary Gift A man walks into a travel agency. He approaches the travel agent and says, ""Hello. My fortieth anniversary is coming up and I'd like to plan a special trip for my wife."" ""Wow,"" replies the travel agent, ""Forty years? How do you keep the magic alive for so long?"" ""Well,"" replies the man, ""For us, it's all about keeping things interesting and spontaneous. For example, on our twentieth anniversary, I took my wife to the Bahamas."" ""Oh! How exotic? What are you doing for y…

Three men are talking about how to make women stop whining Jack says : Last year I took her and we went to the bahamas and this year I will take her to Hawaii John says : Last year I took her and we went to Greece and this year I will take her to Brazil . What about you George ? George says : Last year I took her and we went up to the mountains . John replies : What about this year George ? Then George says : Ergh this year I am thinking of going to take her back .

Drunk husband comes home late... Starts poking his sleeping wife on the shoulder. "" get up...get up"". The wife finally answers irritated ""What! What is it now, at this ungodly hour?"" He says:"" Get up, I have won the lottery!"". She goes:""Whaaaat? Are you serious?! We need to go out and celebrate, I need to call my mother, we don't have to worry about a thing anymore, where are going?! To the Bahamas, to Hawaii...where?"". The husband goes: ""Nooo...you need to get up and leave!""

Always let your superior have the first say. Two construction workers and their supervisor are working in the middle of a hot summer day. Suddenly, a genie appears and says, ""Greetings! I have chosen you three to receive my gift! I will grant each of you one wish; choose wisely."" The first worker leaps up and says ""Enough with this shit hole! I wish I was relaxing my new wonderful beachfront home in the bahamas!"" and *-POOF-* he's gone. The second worker stands up, ""Wow! I'll take the same …

Jewish Elderly Couple On Vacation Bob and Sheila, and elderly Jewish couple were on their way to the Bahamas on vacation when, while at 36,000 ft they hear a large bang, then the plane loses a couple hundred feet. ""What the hell was that?!"" Sheila asks Bob. ""I dont know, feels like we hit something"", he replies. Then, a minute later, the captain comes on the monitor. ""Attention everyone, I am sure you felt the bump a minute ago. We had an engine failure, causing damage to the wing and are n…

It's so slow It was probably around around 2005 when this happened. A couple who had just recently been married took their one week honeymoon to the Bahamas. They visited Aruba, the beaches, all that fun stuff down there. When they came home they went to unlock the door only to discover it was unlocked already. ""Well that was wierd..."", they thought. They did not have any pets and neither set of parents had any reason to go into their home while they were away without at least calling. So the …

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, ""Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a 'lil bit different. The last few times, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Maui, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Bahamas and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again."" Luther as…

A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park... A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one." "Me first! Me first!" says the grad student. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless." Poof! He's gone. "Me ne…

"Cat dead." While sunning himself in the Bahamas, a wealthy English businessman received a telegram from his butler, which read simply: "Cat dead." Distraught at the loss of his beloved pet, the businessman cut short his holiday and returned home. After giving the cat a decent burial in the garden, he remonstrated with his butler for the cold-hearted nature of the telegram. "You should break bad news gently," he said. "If I had been telling you that your cat had died, I would have sent a tel…

Sheikh was talking to his travel agent.... Sheikh: I am about ready for a vacation. Only this year, I am going to do it a little differently.... The last few years, I have been taking your advice on where to go.... Three years ago you said go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and spent some days and my wife Razia got pregnant..... Then two years ago, you told me to enjoy Bahamas, and Razia got pregnant again.... Last year you suggested Tahiti and Razia once again got pregnant..... Travel agent: …

Life lesson A sales rep, an admin clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and t…

A pigeon was not feeling so well… So, he decided to pay a visit to the local doctor. “So, tell me what’s the problem?” “Doctor, few days back, I flyed to the Bahamas…”, he started. “It’s flew”, said the doctor. “Wow man, you are one hell of a doctor. I didn’t even tell you the whole thing,” the pigeon exclaimed.

A slice of apple pie is $2.5 in Jamaica and $3.0 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean :)

What do you call emos that live in the Bahamas? Tropical depressions.

A couple was visiting Bahamas on their honeymoon The husband wanted to make his wife happy so he tattooed her name