#bobs

"Bob's coming over" Bob from work or Bob who thinks he's a cop? *knock on door* OPEN UP, POLICE *flushing drugs down toilet* "Bob from work"

"Bob's here" Bob from work or Bob THE HARBINGER OF DEATH *an icy wind blows as black clouds consume the sky* "Bob from work" *clouds recede*

Can't wait to throw buckets of melted snicker bars at the walls of the bathrooms at work today & blame Bob's diarrhea again.

[Installing ceiling fan] Me: drill...screwdriver... tape...there finished! Wife on the phone: Is this Bob's fix-it shop? Yeah, he just got done.

"Bob's here" Bob the surgeon or Bob who just pretends he's a surgeon? "We only know one Bob and he's an accountant" *arm falls off*

9 months later 9 Months Later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in …

A Dark And Stormy Night In Transylvania Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, are vacationing in Europe, near Transylvania. They re driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It is late, raining very hard and Bob can barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly, the car skids out of control. Bob attempts to control it, but to no avail. The car swerves and smashes into a ditch.. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees…

So farmer Bob had a rivalry with farmer Jim. They were both cattle farmers but Jim's herd was much larger and fatter, and his meat went for much more money. So bob started looking for a way to bulk up his cows. He started experimenting. Eventually he discovered that feeding them marijuana made them grow exponentially, while also making them more docile and hungrier. Hearing of his rivals success, Jim immediately went to the police and disclosed to them Bob's revolutionary but illegal new method.…

Bob's volunteered to give a C programming workshop but needs a topic Give that man some pointers

[long] Another blond guy joke... Three best friends worked in construction together on the same crew. They were working on the 20th floor of a building when they stopped for their lunch break. They sat on the edge of the building, legs dangling over the edge, enjoying the view as they ate their lunches. Guido opened his lunch box and yelled in frustration, ""Pasta! Pasta! Every day it's pasta! If I get pasta in my lunch tomorrow, I'm gonna jump!"" Jose then opened his lunch and exclaimed, ""Tort…

A drunk stumbles into a cemetary and falls into a freshly dug grave Bob's Tavern' was right next door to a cemetery. One day in mid winter a drunk stumbled out of the tavern. Due to his drunk state he wasn't careful where he was going and he fell into a freshly dug grave. ""Help!"" Screamed the drunk on the top of his lungs, ""I'm freezing!"" Before long another drunk sauntered out of the tavern and made his way towards the first drunk's cries. ""I'm freezing!"" Screamed the first drunk again. "…

Bob sees his new neighbor working in his driveway... Wanting to be friendly, he walks over to the driveway where his new neighbor is repairing his car. ""Hey neighbor!"" he says affably. Hearing the voice, a big shaggy dog comes running over and starts sniffing Bob's feet. ""Hey,"" the neighbor grunts. ""I see you've got a dog! I've got a dog too!"" ""What kind?"" the neighbor asks, not looking up from the engine. ""Oh, ole Shep's a Collie mix. He's one of the smartest dogs I know!"" ""That's ni…

Three High-rise construction workers sit down on a beam to eat their sack lunches... The first one ,Bob, opens his sack lunch and comments out loud, ""tuna again!, I swear, if I get tuna one more time I'm jumping off this beam!"", he then angrily eats his lunch. The second worker, Jon, opens his lunch and declares, ""peanut butter and jelly again! I swear I too will jump off this beam if I get this again tomorrow"", he too eats his lunch. The third worker, Scooter, opens his lunch and makes the …

Bob's Burgers Two men go to China on vacation, and they find out about a food eating competition. They decide to register for it online, but find out in a reply message that the contest has been challenged due to lack of entrants. They go to a nearby restaurant to eat instead. ""Damn"", one of the men says, ""Now I will never impress anyone here with how much I can eat"". ""Yes you will"", the other man says, ""right after you finish the three burgers you just ordered for yourself."".

There once was a cheerio... There once was a cheerio who lived on plain cheerio island. He lived his life working 16 hours, 7 days a week, trying just to make ends meet. But all of this was pointless; he was not going anywhere in life. He would never end up with the prosperous cheerios on Frosted Cheerio island - or so he thought. One day, whilst working in the factory, the cheerio - lets call him Bob - noticed a flaw in the production line that decreased production speeds by 10000%. He reported…

Tutti Frutti, oh Rutti Bob was going to a panda party and needed to buy some bamboo. On his way to the bamboo store he passed a McDonald's with some kids playing in the ball pit. They knocked a few balls out - a blue one, a red one, a yellow one- the blue ball rolled right at Bob's feet. So, Bob lobbed a blue ball and bought bamboo.

I'm disappointed. I check reddit after last night's episode of TWD *SPOILER* and I don't see a single joke about Bob's Burgers.

Uncle Robert was talking to his nephew Jimmy ""Uncle Bobby, how did you become my uncle?"" ""Well Jimmy, your parents went wham-bam and now Bob's your uncle.""

A white collar is watching two blue collars. While looking out of his window, Jack the IT guy sees two construction workers in the park. Both of them have shovels. Jack watches the first dig a hole about eight feet deep, three feet wide. After he's all done, the other worker proceeds to take all the soil the first worker dug up and replant it right afterwards. All in all, it takes about twenty minutes for the workers to finish their job. Afterwards, they move a few yards down... And do the exact…

A priest and Bob goes to golfing.. Everytime Bob misses, he cries ""Goddamnit, I missed!"" This disturbs the priest and tells Bob not to use God's name for something so tiny. But still, Bob misses and cries ""Goddamnit, I missed!"" Priest gets angry and thinks of a plan to stop Bob. He thinks praying to God is the best choice. So he prays :""Oh, mighty god! Stop Bob's idioticy and punish him!"" As he says that, a lighthing comes from above and kills the priest. Bob is shocked hears a sound from …

What did the diva with Alzheimer's disease say? **DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM????** (credit to one of the writers from Bob's Burgers).

The Foo Bird Bob is out on the links enjoying a nice round of golf with his buddy Bill. Suddenly, on the fourth fairway, a huge bird flies overhead and drops a turd on Bob's head. ""Whatever you do, Bob,"" says Bill, ""don't wipe that turd off your head! EVER!"" ""Why not?"" asks Bob. ""I've got a huge bird turd on my head and you're saying I have to keep it on my head for the rest of my LIFE?"" ""Yes,"" says Bill. ""It's a foo bird. And you know what they say about foo birds..."" But just as Bi…

I think I wrote a new joke. At least I've never heard it. Your thoughts? Bob's toilet breaks down and the plumber can't make it out to fix it for a few days. Bob really has to go, so he ends up peeing and pooping in his back yard for a few days with the dog. Once, as he's out there, his neighbor sees him and says hi. Bob asks him, ""Hey, does it bother you that I have to use my back yard to go to the bathroom?"" ""No,"" the neighbor replies, ""Waste is a terrible thing to mind.""

Snow wife. One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, ""We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."" Bob's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, ""We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.…

The 3 Construction Workers (really old joke, but one of my favorites when I was little) (Sorry if this has been posted before, I only subscribed recently and haven't seen this one yet) There are three construction workers: Joe, Bob, and Frank. One day they are sitting on an I-beam high above their construction site. It is lunch hour and the three have their lunchboxes, ready to eat lunch. Joe opens his lunchbox and, with a look of disgust, pulls out a burger. ""UGH,"" he says, ""I am SO sick of …