A panda walks into a restaurant He orders his food just like normal. The waiter brings it out and he eats his meal. When the check comes, the panda pulls out a shotgun and shoots the waiter. He then promptly leaves. The cook sees this and says ""Hey what was that for!?"" The panda replies ""I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary."" Once the panda left, the cook brought out a dictionary and looked up the word ""panda."" ""Panda - a black and white bear. Native to China. Eats chutes and leaves.…

Bill and Ted were at a bar... Bill asked, ""Hey where's Dave? Why isn't he here tonight?"" ""Dave is dead,"" said Ted. ""How?"" Ted said, ""Well, he was supposed to pick me up, but when he got to my house, he hit my Ferrari in the driveway, flew through his own windshield, and crashed through my kitchen window."" ""What a terrible way to die!"" ""Well, no, that didn't kill him. He tried to get up off of my kitchen floor, and he grabbed the handle of my refrigerator door for balance, but the frid…

Trump's statement regarding China Trump: ""In little over a week when I take office, China will fall into a slump. Factories will shut down, shops will close, stock markets will not trade, and government will grind to a halt.The wealthy will flee overseas with their families, citizens desperately trade their currency for food, doors all across the country will be plastered with red notices and the empty streets will reek of lingering gunpowder. The people, with nothing to do will turn to day-lon…

Oldie - -Communist China telegrams Soviet Russia Communist China: WE ARE OUT OF FOOD. SEND GRAIN Soviet reply: WE ARE ALSO OUT OF FOOD. TIGHTEN YOUR BELTS Communist China: SEND BELTS