#europe

I just found out that Norway has the highest cost of living in Europe... ... I couldn't A-Fjord to live there.

Customs officials in Europe recently seized a shipment of cocaine that was addressed to the Vatican. Which can only mean that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford just received a giant box of communion wafers.

I'm tired of people calling America the dumbest country in the world Quite frankly, I think Europe is!

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years ago.) Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and, together, were the catalyst …

A gentleman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the gentleman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and …

A Skier's Dictionary Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: ""What Zermatter?"" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from …

Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes and that's why they are the late heads of Europe.

A German tourist walks into a McDonald's in New York City and orders a beer. (In Germany and many parts of Europe McDonald's actually does serve beer.) The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him the jab: ""They don't serve BEER here you MORON!"" The German fellow felt pretty stupid but suddenly turns to the New Yorker with a surprised look and begins to chuckle. ""And what's so funny?!?"" the New Yorker demands. ""Oh nothing really I just realized that you came here for the food…

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the mo…

Two nuns Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent are traveling through Europe in their car sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light out of nowhere a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. ""Quick quick!"" shouts Sister Mary Agnes ""What should we do?"" ""Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination"" says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers which knock the mini-Dracula a…

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream the man dismounts walks over to the horse and stares into its eyes. Finally he states ""That's one."" The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride. A bit further down the path the woman…

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks i…

Before going to Europe on business a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $6000. The loan officer was quite taken a back and requested collateral. ""Well then here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce"" the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping and gave him 6000. Two weeks later the man walked through the bank's doors and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. T…

A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world and it runs him $500000. He takes it out for a spin and while doing so stops for a red light. An old man on a moped both looking about 90 years old pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek shiny surface of the car and asks ""What kind of car ya got there sonny?"". The dude replies ""A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500000."" ""That's a lott…

Before going to Europe on business a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5000. The loan officer was quite taken a back and requested collateral. ""Well then here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce"" the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping and gave him $5000. Two weeks later the man walked through the bank's doors and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. T…

A young woman in New York... ... was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he sli…

Finally, a smart blonde joke. A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's pr…

My grandfather passed away early this morning. To commemerate him, here is a favorite joke of his A man and woman were on their honeymoon after a quick courtship. They met, fell, and love, and were quickly married. On their honeymoon, they decide to go for a horse ride through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the wifes's horse mis-steps and jostles the her. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into it…

Stupidest country in the World I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

Usain Bolt wins a race in Europe [x-post from /r/meanjokes because it's not very offensive] and goes out after to celebrate. But he is refused service at the first pub he goes to. The barman shakes his head and says, "Sorry, we do not serve your type here." Bolt is not happy to hear this and orders his drink again. But the barman refuses to serve him, "Sorry, there`s a place five minutes down the road where you can get served though." Bolt then decides to use his fame to get served. "Do you…

The Geography of a man and women THE GEOGRAPHY OF WOMAN AND MEN The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece, gently aging but still a warm and desirable plac…

A teacher asks her kids in class.... "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importanc…

Making Sense of What's Happening in Europe A policeman enters an interrogation room, in Athens, Greece. He tells the perp: "You are accused of robbing the Bank of Greece, tell us where the money is!" The perp reaches into his pocket and takes out a five-euro note. "Here you go."

A young woman in Cape Town was so depressed... that she decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young deck hand saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look you have a lot to live for. We're off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on this ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food everyday." Moving closer he slipped hi…

A little immature... Knock knock. Who's there? Europe. Europe who? No! You're a poo!