#europe

The Billionaire Kid. A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny, always the first with his hand up and always the naughtiest says “I wanna be a billionaire Miss” “I’ll be going to the most expensive clubs, take my best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day!”. The teacher is shocked and and is not quite sure how to dea…

I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood... The alarm system was of no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch. Instead, I've Planted a Syrian, Afghanistan, Yemeni and Iranian flag in four corners of my front garden. Now, The city police, The National Security Bureau, MI-5, MI-6, The CIA And Every Other Intelligence Service In Europe... Are All keeping watch on my house 24x7 x 365..... I'm followed to and from …

The European Vacation Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat …

A blonde walks into a bank A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's presid…

Ww2 joke i heard recently So, it’s 1941 and a young German boy is listening to the radio. On the radio Hitler announces that Germany is declaring war on the United States. The boy asks, “Father, where is the United States?” “Here, let me show you,” His father responds and points at a map of North America. The boy then asks, “We are at war with Russia too, right? Where’s that?” The father then points at a map of the Soviet Union. “I think we’re also at war with the British,” the boy says. “…

Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, and Napoleon Bonaparte are watching armies training in the afterlife. They walk around the soldiers and Napoleon is reading the Russian newspaper "Pravda (the Truth)" Alexander the great turns to Caesar and Napoleon and says: "With an army like this I could've also conquered the entirity of Europe." Napoleon scoffs and Caesar nods. Caesar points to the Artillery and tanks and says: "With weapons like this I could've conquered the known world." Alexander th…

In a Scottish pub A young college student made her way to Europe for a summer adventure, ending up in Glasgow for a night. She went to a pub and there met a ruggedly-handsome Scotsman dressed in the traditional outfit. “Excuse my bluntness,” she asked, “is anything worn under the kilt?” “Nay, my lassie,” he said with a grin, “it’s still in good working order!”

4 English Football Fans are in a plane crash Four English Football fans, a Manchester United Fan, a Liverpool Fan, an Arsenal fan and a Chelsea fan are friends and all go on a holiday together to Europe but the plane taking them crashes in the Alps. The Chelsea fan dies on impact and the other 3 are the only survivors. They are left alone without food or rescue for weeks and they realise that the only chance for the 3 of them to continue to survive is to resort to cannibalism and eat the Chel…

4 mothers talk about how succesfull their kids are... The first one starts. "My little boy is a really succesfull doctor. He and his girlfriend will go on a 1 month vacation in Europe next week." The second mother goes: "Thats nothing. My boy is a succesfull lawyer and just bought his girlfriend a new Aston Martin." The third mother goes: " Thats still nothing, my boy is a very good banker and he bought his girlfriend a new beachhouse last month and he let her choose all the furniture with n…

A Muslim traveler goes to Europe and stops in a inn From behind the door, the innkeeper asks: \- Who goes there? \- Abu Jamal Muhammad ibn Harun al-Asad. \- Go somewhere else; there's not enough room here for all these folks!

Once upon a time, Joe goes to Europe. One day, he walks into a bar and orders three beers from the bartender and drinks all of them. After repeating this a few times, the bartender becomes curious and asks, "Excuse me, why do you always drink three beers at once?" Joe responds, "My brothers, Mike and Bob, and I are triplets. We're all in different parts of the world. Whenever we go to a bar, we drink a beer on behalf of the others. That's why I drink the other two beers." Then one day, J…

Europe is like a fridge You have the freezing cold part at the top. Then in the middle, you have cheese, cold meat, and a good drinks selection. Then, down the bottom corner, there's just turkey and grease.

What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe? Kilometery Cyrus

Parking A lady walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the lady hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers…

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed.... ....that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I’m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and …

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he sai…

What is the difference between good Europe and bad Europe? In good Europe, the British are the policemen, the Germans are the mechanics, the Italians are the cooks, the French are the lovers and everything is organised by the Swiss. In bad Europe, the Germans are the policemen, the French are the mechanics, the British are the cooks, the Swiss are the lovers and everything is organised by the Italians.

Mr Singh walks into a bank London and asks for the loan officer. He says he's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so Mr Singh hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce, which costs quarter of a million pounds. “The car is parked on the street in front of the bank,” says Mr Singh, “and I have all the necessary papers.” The bank officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan…

Two nuns are on a motorcar trip through Europe, and end up in Transylvania. While stopped at a traffic signal, a tiny Dracula jumps up on the hood of their vehicle and hisses through the windshield. “What should we do?” shrieks one nun as she panics and reaches for her Rosary beads.. “Turn on the wipers! That will get rid of the abomination, Sister,” says the passenger nun. The driver does so, and Dracula gets knocked around a bit but manages to hang on. “Use the washer,” shouts the pas…

What kind of berries are these? \- What kind of berries are these? \- These are red Currants \- Then Why are they yellow? \- Because they are green ​ Joke explanation for those who didn't understand really fun and smart joke. So this joke is from Lithuania (it is a country in Europe) So for those who don't live in Europe, currants are berries that grow on bushes. Almost every yard has it. There are 3 types of currants: Black, red and yellow. In the joke, we are talking about red c…

I was so confused why there are so many stories about vampires in Europe, but not in Africa. Then I remembered that vampires are killed by holy water. They blessed the rains down in Africa.

A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company. The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said. Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he was brought in. Egon was catching a lot of heat. Almost at his wit’s end, he suddenly remembered the envelopes. He opened the first …

A Depressed Young Woman A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said: "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you ha…

100 is a nice round number The European is visiting the United States for the first time: So how many cents in a dollar? The American: 100, of course The European: 100? Why not 62, or 37? The American: 62? What are you talking about? It's 100. Of course, it is. It's a nice round number and easy to calculate. 62? You crazy Europeans. The European: Right, gotcha. Thank you! So how many feet in a mile? The American: Go back to Europe!

A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer... He told the officer that he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer explained that the bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything Checked out, and the bank agreed to accept the car as collateral for the loan. A bank employee drove the Rolls into…