#manchester-united

The Bravest Football Fan Three football fans, an Arsenal fan, a Chelsea fan, and a Manchester United fan, are caught gambling in a country in which gambling is illegal. They are brought before a judge and sentenced to be whipped 50 times each. Right before the judge releases the men, he tells them they each can have one request. When brought before the torturer, the Arsenal fan requests to have 3 pillows strapped to his back. After 15 hits, the pillows are completely gone, leaving the man with 3…

Finding a striker Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson sends scouts out around the world looking for a new talent to hopefully win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Afghani striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Ferguson flies to Afghanistan to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come to Old Trafford. Two weeks later Man U are 4-0 down at home to Liverpool with only 20 minutes left to play. Ferguson gives the young Afghan the n…

Why did.. Q : Why did Manchester United go to Stamford Bridge? A : Four Nothing

whats a feminist least favorite football team? MANchester united

Whats the antonym of Manchester United? WomanBreastsR Divided

A Muslim guy dropped his wallet today so I ran after him and handed it to him. He said, ""Thank you so much"" then he added in a low voice, ""don't go to the next Manchester United game"" ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because they're boring and shit""

So Howard Webb has retired from refereeing..In his honour, Manchester United have retired the penalty spot.

Teacher : Do you know the reason Manchester United lost to Arsenal ? Student : Manchester United lost because their defenders were Young, Small and Blind

4 English Football Fans are in a plane crash Four English Football fans, a Manchester United Fan, a Liverpool Fan, an Arsenal fan and a Chelsea fan are friends and all go on a holiday together to Europe but the plane taking them crashes in the Alps. The Chelsea fan dies on impact and the other 3 are the only survivors. They are left alone without food or rescue for weeks and they realise that the only chance for the 3 of them to continue to survive is to resort to cannibalism and eat the Chel…

Halloween Costume. I went to the store to buy a Dracula costume for Halloween. The shop assistant brought out a Manchester United football shirt. I said "You must of misheard me, I said I want to look like a Count."

Manchester United A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road

What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ? A triangle has three points

Teacher : Do you know the reason Manchester United lost to Arsenal ? Student : Manchester United lost because their defenders were Young

There were 3 women going into a bus. The first one dropped her wallet and had blue pants on and the bus driver said u must support Chelsea. An hour later another women went on a bus and dropped her bag and as she bent down she had red pants on, so the bus driver said you must support Manchester united. Then straight after another women walked in and fell and had no pants on so the bus driver said you must support Arsenal.

A student went to class late, so the teacher asked him, "Why are you late?" He told her, "I was dreaming of a Manchester United football match." But that did not make any sense for the teacher so she ask, "Still why are you late?" He answered, "Because there was extra time."