#chelsea

I once dated a woman named Kim who hated to be called Kimberly. Then I dated a woman named Chelsea who really hated to be called Kimberly

There are some horrible bastards about I heard a cat crying outside my door and I saw 4 blokes in Chelsea shirts playing football with it I was just about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1- 0 up

The government have announced new measures to stop migrants from getting into England Henceforth, Chelsea fans will be in charge of security at Calais.

Chelsea asks Hilary to dinner 100k for a meet-and-greet, 250 to say hello and 400,000 for dinner.

What did the squirrel say to his wife after she served him blueberries for dinner? ""Dammit Chelsea, I'm sick of these nasty blue balls you keep giving me... What do I have to do to get a nut around here?"" Edit: I wrote this today when a girl asked me to cheer her up with a joke.

What is the difference between Chelsea and Leo di caprio? Chelsea got Oscar. huehuehuehue.

Old Clinton joke President Clinton is visiting his home state of Arkansas and picks up two razorback pigs from a local breeder. As he's walking onto Air Force one with a pig under each arm he asks to the marine saluting him, ""you ever see such beautiful creatures in your whole life?"" ... ""No sir, I have not. If I may ask, sir, why did you get the pigs?"" Clinton responds, ""well I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."" ... ""Excellent trade sir!!""

A women wakes her husband up at 2am, saying ""Quick who won the champions league in 2015 ?"" ""Barcelona"" replied the groggy husband. ""Which team is first in the Premier league ?"" Chelsea . ""Who's scored the highest number of goals in the world cup ?"" ""Klose"". ""And how many ?"" ""16 goals"". ""When was ... Read more...

Al Gore and the Clintons are flying on Air Force One. Bill looks at Al chuckles and says ""You know I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."" Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says ""Well I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."" Hillary tosses her perfectly hair-sprayed hair and says ""I could throw one hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."" Chelsea rolls her eyes looks at all…

Q: Why does Chelsea look so stupid and ugly? A: Heredity.

Q: Why did Bill and Hillary send Chelsea to a private school? A: If they sent her to a public school the secret service would be out-gunned!

Q: What do you get when you cross a crooked lawyer with a crooked politician? A: Chelsea.

President Clinton returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway he is met by the guard a Marine sergeant who issues a crisp salute. ""I'd salute you back Sergeant"" says the President ""but as you can see I've got my hands full."" ""Yes sir"" replies the sergeant. ""Very nice pigs sir. Very nice pigs."" ""Why these aren't pigs"" the President responds. ""T…

A man on his death bed requested his wife, 3 sons, his nurse and a camera to be set up to record his final moments. Which were as follows... "To my son David, I leave the 2 blocks of flats in the East end of London," "To my other son Michael , I leave the 4 penthouse's in Chelsea," "and finally to my eldest son Kevin, I leave the big glass building near tower bridge". With that he slipped away. The nurse turned to the wife and said "I never realised your husband was so wealthy, you and your son…

Nice pigs sir A Secret Service agent is standing at the bottom of the stairs as President Clinton is leaving Air Force One, and can't help but notice that the President has a pig under each arm. The Agent salutes and says, "Welcome back, Mr. President. Nice pigs, sir." Clinton smiles and says, "These aren't pigs. These are genuine Arkansas Razorbacks. I got this one for Hillary, and I got this one for Chelsea." The Agent says, "Good trade, sir."

Did you hear about the Chelsea team without a player? No Mata!!

What do you get when 42 goes into 45? Chelsea.

Two little girls – Chelsea and Harley – were in the lunchroom of a Beverly Hills elementary school. "Guess what?" said Chelsea. "My mommy's getting married again, so I'm going to have a new daddy." "Who's she marrying?" asked Harley. "Brad Henderson," said Chelsea. "He's a famous Holly-wood actor." "Oh, you'll like him," said Harley. "He was my daddy last year."

There were 3 women going into a bus. The first one dropped her wallet and had blue pants on and the bus driver said u must support Chelsea. An hour later another women went on a bus and dropped her bag and as she bent down she had red pants on, so the bus driver said you must support Manchester united. Then straight after another women walked in and fell and had no pants on so the bus driver said you must support Arsenal.