#military

The Old Soldier's Home. An historian was visiting a retirement home for old soldiers. As it turned out, they had all heard each other's stories and jokes so often that each was just assigned a number. ""Six!"" one would shout from the the corner and the old men in their rocking chairs would give out a chuckle. ""Fourteen!"" another yelled from the other side of the room and a bigger laugh erupted from the assembled group. Wanting to be a part of the fun, the historian joined in. ""Three!......."…

DADT repeal is causing apprehension and high expectations among the military's top brass The navy, in particular, is eagerly awaiting a flood of fresh seamen.

The Cathedral of San Giovanni The City-State of San Giovanni is largely forgotten today. In 1571, however, it was a wonderful place to be for both the secular and the spiritual. The was no war for three centuries, the market benefited from its close proximity to the Old Salt Route, and the artist community was vibrant and influential. Yet all of this paled to San Giovanni's greatest treasure: the Cathedral. It is said that when the original plans (now enshrined in Rome) were shown to the finest …

Proof Of Love A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there, he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. ""My love,"" he wrote, ""we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. A hobby of …

Vote for the Best Military Joke of 2008 | Funny Stuff | Reader's Digest

A General was about to lose in a battle Suddenly a deity came to help and turned the tide to his favor. The general was quite grateful, kneeled down and asked, ""What is my savior's great name?"" The deity said, ""I'm the god of practice target."" The general baffled, asked again, ""What merit do I possess, that the God of practice target came to my rescue?"" The deity explained, ""Well, I came to thank you that you never hurt me on the practice field."" Extracted from <> by in Ming dynas…

Why do a German soldier's hands never get cold? Because they've gott mit-uns

Forest Gump decides to run for President of USA and is getting interviewed about it. Interviewer: ""We were all surprised that you decided to run for President Mr Gump, what made you do that""? Gump: ""My personal experiences really compel me to do it."" I: ""What type of promises will you make to the voters?"" Gump: ""Well first of all I'd make running the national sport, fishing the national past time, Curious George the national book, ping pong taught in all classes and no more war."" I:""Tha…

Two men, an American and a Russian were argueing. One said, in my country I can go to the white house walk to the president's office and pound the desk and say ""Mr president! I don't like how you're running things in this country!"" The Russian said ""I can do that too!"" ""really?"" ""Yes! I can go to the Kremlin, walk into the general secretary's office and pound the desk and say, mr. secretary, I don't like how Reagan is running his country!""

Brother-in-arms What did the russian soldier say when he held his newborn sibling in his hands for the first time? ""You're my brother in arms!""

Epic Chinese Movie Translation While on vacation and downloading a DVD copy of War of the Worlds (2005) I laugh so hard from the English subtitle of what I downloaded and it turns out that it was a Pirated copy of the War of the Worlds. Ray: It's OK... (Subtitle: Do not fine, you is just fine.) Rachel: Is Robby OK? Are you OK? (Subtitle: Robby do not fine, you do not fine?) Rachel: Is it over? (Subtitle: What that finish?) Ray: You better be there when I get back! (Subtitle: Better is you ove th…

A newly wedded desperate soldier .. A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note: Dearest Mom, If you pull this ring, I'll be able to get 3 days leave. :P

Why would Gabe Newell be a good president? Because then World War 3 would never happen

The French Navy Q: Why does the new French navy have glass-bottomed boats? A: So they can see the old French navy.

A Muslim and a Jew Are sitting in a bar talking and the Muslim says ""every time the war on terror gets talked about I feel like everyone is looking at me"" the Jew says Yeh I know the feeling every time they mention the war on poverty .

TIL that back in the 1940s, as a result of failed communications between engineers and builders, the Soviet Union built thousands of submarines based on recalled 1850s schematics, resulting in millions of dollars in military funding being wasted. Whoops, wrong sub.

Michaelangelo, Albert Einstein, and George W. Bush die and end up at heaven's gate... Michaelangelo walks up to the gate and St. Peter tells him. ""Listen, we have had some recent intruders faking who they were. Is there any way you can prove that you are the real Michaelangelo?"" Michaelangelo requests a board and he then proceeds to draw the most beautiful painting ever seen by St Peter. St Peter tells him, ""Congratulations! Welcome to heaven."" Next comes Albert Einstein and St Peter proceed…

there are four categories of police officers **I read this earlier today, and wanted to share it with you beauties.** There are four general categories that a police officer can fit into, and they will have two of the traits: The lazy, the hard working, the stupid, and the intelligent. The stupid and lazy are better for the small jobs, like meter maids or what not. The lazy and intelligent are better for the higherup positions where they can find the most efficient solution to a problem. The int…

What's the difference between a bench and a (*minority*)? The bench can support a family. Also the bench is a bench and the (*minority*) is a complex living being with millions of individual cells and tissues and muscles, not to mention the fact that the bench is a long seat on which several people may sit at the same time. Benches are typically made of wood, but may also be made of metal, stone, or synthetic materials. Many benches have arm and back rests; some have no back rest and can be sat …

Chinese soldiers attack a Soviet tractor. ^This ^joke ^originated ^during ^the ^1969 ^Sino-Soviet ^border ^conflict. **Radio broadcaster:** *""Comrades! Yesterday, a platoon of the Chinese People's Liberation Army attacked an agricultural tractor without provocation.""* *""Fortunately, our tractor returned fire. It then managed to fly back to base for repairs.""*

French Army That's it. That's the joke.

3 Squires Battle So there's a far-off place that consists of a perfectly triangular lake surrounded by land, with three kingdoms on the three sides of the lake. The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people. The second kingdom is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power, too. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army. The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuable resource to have. The first ki…

No Mexicans please A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: ""Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young l…

Talking Dog A woman walks into the store and sees a flyer. ""Talking Dog Looking for a New Home. $10"" The woman thinks ""this is interesting, I should go check it out."" So she goes to the address listed and asks to see the dog. The owner brings her to the back yard where a black Lab is sitting in front of a dog house. The woman goes up and says Hi. ""Hello, how are you?"" says the dog in perfect English. ""Wow, you can talk!"" the woman says. ""Yes,"" says the dog. ""I learned how to talk when…

TIL the USS Colorado made nearly 12,000 career dives during WWII- significantly more than most modern submarines- and sunk the last Japanese warship of the war! Sorry, wrong sub :(