#military

Reenacting the Civil War seems like a lot of work. I'd much rather reenact the Cola War from my couch. First is the battle of Whiskey.

*Brings a hammer to a thumb war.*

One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook.

My grandfather told me that during the war he was exposed to irritants like pepper spray and mustard gas. Now he's a seasoned vet.

*knocks on donation door Me: I have a donation Salvation Army: Ma'am, once again... you cannot donate your man Me: You have stupid rules!

The Navy should develop something based on "gaydar" that would allow ships & planes to recognize approaching objects.

"there's only one thing to do when you're Zero Dark Thirsty" *Navy Seals bust in and toss Bin Laden a Coke Zero, he pounds it in like 5 sec*

I'm reenacting the War of 1812 with 47 gummy bears so I think the Ambien has finally kicked in. Casualties have been immense... & delicious

Before their conflict with the Decepticons, the Autobots won a much less interesting but emotionally charged war against the Emoticons.

When you write lyrics as bad as "I got soul but I'm not a soldier" it's important to repeat it exactly 10 times in a row so nobody misses it

*sees Salvation Army bell ringer* "Here you go, buddy. Merry Christmas!" "Sir, we don't accept children." *runs away*

The rest of the world should fear our military. We have the most cutting edge technology 1954 had to offer.

"War Horse" and "The Help" are the SAME movie! I watched them on my laptop and they BOTH have a 90 minute scene where I just check Facebook.

Kylo Ren: We must find Luke Skywalker General Hux: Why? He won't fight & you don't need training. Kylo: He might have cool Vader souvenirs

*trains 1 million soldier ants* *gets carried to work*

Imagine a world without war where we remember scientists and artists.

Friend: Will we be hearing the patter of tiny feet soon? Me: *grabbing her arm too hard* You know about my squirell army

*thumb wrapped in giant bandage* CW: Oh my God, what happened? Me: Never challenge a hitchhiker to a thumb war.

"WE WILL FIGHT TO THE DEATH! After you try this delicious glazed poultry I've prepared for you all." --General Tso

As if being a surgeon wasn't enough you're a general too?

A stuttering man wants to join the army So he arrives at the base and gets in line. The first man approaches the drill seargent. ""Soldier, what do you want to do?"" ""I want to drive a tank!"" He is put to the tanks The next man approaches. ""I want to fly a plane!"". So he takes to the skies in a fighter jet. The stutterer then comes up. ""What do you want to to?"" ""uh....uh-uh-uh---uh-uh-uh-uh..."" He was put in charge of the machine guns.

Johnny's on a Roll (With his two black balls)(SFW) Ms Wendall was a first grade teacher who had a bit of a morbid sense of humor. One day she said to the class, ""I have an interesting idea. Everyday, I will ask a very hard question and who ever can answer it will get to leave the class early. You can't look up the answer on a smart phone or computer, you just have to know it."" The class is intrigued, so they so they take up. Ms Wendall's offer. By the end of the class, Ms. Wendall asks the fir…

I went to a General Store the other day. Couldn't find anything specific.

Latvian man walk into bar with mule. Bartender say, ""Why so long face?"" Latvian say, ""I was thinking of my daughter. She has been lie with soldier for potato feed baby.""

My grand dad died in a consentration camp... John and Heimler took the night train, they were going to this awsome party, and were really drunk. John liked to joke around using the name Hitler in every sentence, to Heimlers irritation. After a while Heimle stood up and yelled ""ENOUGH JOHN!!!"" scaring the man white. ""Did you know my grand dad died in a concentration camp during world war II John?"" Said Heimler very angry towards John. John knew at this instant that he had hurt Heimler's feeli…