#military

The problem in general terms is that people suck.

Once a marine, always a marine. Even if you're now working at Subway. You're a submarine.

Some dude was bragging about his brother being a navy seal and it's like...I don't care what colour he is, why is your brother a seal

I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.

The year is 2075. A student asks how World War 3 began. The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco and Seth Rogen made a movie..."

Just saw The Imitation Game & it was FILLED with historical inaccuracies about World War II. They don't even mention Captain America at all.

Old Navy commercials give us a glimpse of Hell

We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter.

Men taking pictures of their outfits on Instagram is why we will lose the next World War.

[Sees girl watching Star Wars] "Oh I love that movie, the way" *starts to sweat* "All those stars are at war with each other"

Also, those little Swiss Army knives are great when you need a tiny pair of scissors to open your Gummi Bears like some kind of crack head.

Sharks are just dolphins who went to the military.

*takes enough Xanax for an army* I have a killer headache CW: *hands me 5 Advil* Woah there brother I'm not about to OD here, 2 will do

[first date] "You're not into anything weird right?" -not at all *gestures to my ferret army to fall back*

"Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!" - The Very Civil War

[Classroom in 2064] Student: So how did the war start? Teacher: Well you see, Seth Rogen and James Franco made a movie..

"Can I have more of these mouse spears?" "Sir those are toothpicks" "I need 1000 for my army. We march at dawn"

Coolest jobs: 1)Beer maker 2)Secretary of War 3)Ninja 4)Guy who pushes scared skydivers

if your grave doesnt say "rest in peace" on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war

Dang girl you're so hot because you have all the physical attributes that the general media has conditioned me to find attractive.

Going commando is the closest I'll ever get to joining the army.

CIVIL WAR SPOILER: A lot of people in the South still don't know they lost.

[Army Shooting Range] Officer: Are you locked & loaded? Soldiers: YES SIR! Officer: You may fire at will! Soldier Named Will: WTF?

My son just told me he's changing his clock to military time so he can stay up later. He is not a smart boy.

i wonder how many of the men who stormed the beaches of normandy on d-day in world war 2 had their bellybuttons pierced