If I was in the military, I would be a sniper. That way I can lie down a lot.

what does the Bible say about faking your own death to get out of jury duty

me: hi sloth: HELL!!!! me: ..umm [walks away] sloth: ..oh :(

Two days ago: omg, I'm so glad I found my watch, I'll never misplace it again! Today: *has zero clue where the hell my watch is*