#bill-clinton

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt? A: Yogurt has culture.

Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.

Q: What happened when Bill Clinton got a shot of testosterone? A: He turned into Hillary!

Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household.

One day there were these three boys walking down the street all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!' When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said 'I want a boat.' The second boy said 'I want a truck.' And the third boy said 'I want three tombstones with are names all on them.' Bill Clinton said 'why is that son?' The little boy said 'because when m…

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Koresh only burned 85 people.

If Ted Kennedy Dan Quayle Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest which one would win? Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.

Q: Why can't Bill Clinton file a defamation of character suit against his critics? A: Because Bill Clinton has no character to defame.

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken.

Q: Who would become President of the U.S.A if the President died? A: Bill Clinton of course!

Michael Jackson Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane has only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts ""SCREW THE CHILDREN!!"" Michael Jackson's face lights up and he shouts ""YES YES!! But do we have enough time?""

Q: How can you tell Bill Clinton apart from a cow? A: By the wise look in the eyes.

Q: How does Bill Clinton say ""I'm about to hurt you""? A: ""Trust me.""

Every Friday, Ms. Jane ends class a little early... and plays a game with the kids. She will read off famous quotes, and if one of the students in her 5th grade class can correctly name who said it, they get to leave school a little early. Today the quotes would come from US Presidents. She saw Tommy, who always won this game, sitting in the back, at attention, ready to go home early. She made note to try and let some other people win today. The first quote she read was "Speak softly and carr…

A man dies and goes to heaven ...and when he gets to the pearly gates, St. Peter says "Come, good sir, tell me how you died, so I may deem whether you deserve to enter eternal paradise." The man replies "Alright, I'm not proud of it, but here goes. I lived in Washington, D.C. I had a beautiful wife, and lived on the seventh floor of a swanky high-rise apartment building. One day I get off of work early; just after lunch. I come home, and as I approach my appartment door, I hear sounds of fran…

Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado... Four U.S. presidents are caught in a horrible tornado, that hits a state funeral they’re all attending in Kansas. Suddenly, all of them are blown off to Oz. They finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great and Powerful Oz. “What brings you before the great Wizard of Oz?” Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly: “I've come for some courage.” ”No problem!” says the Wizard. “Who is next?” Ronald Reagan steps forward, “W…

The most famous person of all times Who is the most famous person of all times. That was a subject of a contest among Catholic School's 5th graders with $100 prize. The teacher asked Jon first. He said it was Bill Clinton. The next one was Kevin who said it was Gorge Washington. After collecting responses from almost all participants the teacher with not much hope asked the last girl, Sarah, who happen to be Jewish. Sara raised and said. I think it was Jesus. The teacher was jubilant and pronou…

Presidents What's the difference between Bill Clinton and John F. Kennedy? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated.

Why Indian students are disliked abroad It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: Chandrasekhar :- 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Teacher :- Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for th…

George Washington, George Bush, and Bill Clinton are on a boat. The boat begins to sink. George Washington stands up and valiently exclaims, "Save the Women!" George Bush runs to the lifeboat, shouting, "Screw the women!" Bill Clinton stands up and says excitedly, "Do we have time?"

Bill and the Genie Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama's new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go absolutely ballistic. Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant yo…

A boy sits in class watching the clock when the teacher stands up in front of the class And tells the class since there isn't much time before the end of class and it was Friday she will play a game with them. She explains the rules. Teacher: Guess which president said the quote and you can leave early. The boy is excited this is his favorite subject and he knows he is going home early today. Teacher: "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." The boy r…

Bill Clinton steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"

Giving the devil his due One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama…