#adam

Adam & Eve What did Adam say to Eve when She Threatened to Leave him? ""Can I Have My Rib Back?""

I'm against cloning. It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Adam and Adam and Adam.

Suite 103 **There is no TL;DR to this joke. You have to read the whole thing in order to fully comprehend the joke.** The scotch wasn't going down easily today, but that didn't make pouring some more any more difficult for Adam. The phone call he had received three days earlier kept replaying in his mind over and over again. She was out of town for a press conference. ""I can't not go, honey. I was the lead designer for the prototype. Who else is going to announce and describe its features?"" Ad…

Two gifts to Adam and Eve When God was almost done creating Adam and Eve he said to them: ""Alright I am almost done with you. I have two more gifts I can give you"" Adam and Eve go ""what is it?"" God ""the first one is the gift of peeing while standing upright..."" Adam interrupts ""Pick me me me!!! I want to pee standing upright!!!"". So God gives it to him and Adam runs off rejoicing ""wheeey yaay!!!"" and starts peeing all over the place. Eva asks ""so what is the second gift?"" God answers…

Texas A&M offers a new degree! In recent news, Texas A&M has decided to drop its Liberal Arts degree in favor of a ""Conservative Arts"" program. This unprecedented academic reform comes at the behest of parents who are concerned about what their children are learning at the school. One parent is quoted as saying, ""We thought we'd taught our kids all they needed to know to become adults. They were good kids, you know? They went to church every Sunday, they did their homework, believed i…

So Adam was lonely. God asked Adam, ""What's wrong?"" Adam replied, ""I'm lonely."" So God said, ""Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."" So Adam asked, ""Well, what's his gonna cost me?"" ""An arm and a leg,"" God replied. Then Adam asked, ""Well what can …

Newly Weds Morgan and Adam have just moved into their new house.... and Morgan looks out the window and sees the neighbor's laundry hanging up to dry. ""They need some new detergent, that laundry is still dirty!"" The next morning Morgan wakes up and notices that the laundry is still dirty. This happens for the next couple of months, until one day she wakes up and sees that the laundry is clean. ""She finally got new detergent!"" Adam walks up behind her and says ""Oh no, I just woke up early an…

Three nuns die and go to heaven... ...where St. Peter greets them and informs them that in order to get into heaven, they must answer a question apeice. The first nun, who happens to be a novice nun, goes first. ""For you,"" says Peter, ""an easy question, because of your short time as a nun. Who were the first two people?"" ""That's easy,"" replies the nun excitedly. ""Adam and Eve."" ""Congratulations,"" says Peter, ""You're in."" He beckons the second nun forward. The second nun has been with…

Susan at Bible Shool Susan was a good little Christian girl, but one Saturday night, she stayed up way to late. So when Sunday rolled around and it came time for Sunday School, she finally forced herself to go. Upon her arrival she figured it wasn't all that important as it was the same lesson from 3 weeks ago. She dozed off, and when the teacher asked her, ""Who is the Son of God?"" The boy next to her poked her with a pencil. She immediately woke up and exclaimed, ""Jesus Christ!"". After this…

God creates Adam and it was good. After some time God realizes Adam needs a companion and says to him, ""Adam, I have decided to give you a companion. I will give you a woman who will love you and live to please you. She will be intelligent, witty, and above all beautiful. She will cook your meals, wash your clothes, and laugh at all of your jokes."" Adam couldn't believe his luck! God says, ""All this will cost you only and arm and a leg."" To which Adam replies, ""What can I get for a rib?""

Three Nuns at Pearly Gates. So three nuns simultaneously die and go to the gates of St. Peter. Whilst there, St. Peter approaches the nuns and says: ""I'm sorry girls, but heaven's getting pretty full now. There's this new policy that I have to ask you guys a religious-trivia question before i can let you in"". The nuns agree. So St. Peter approaches the first: ""What was the name of the first Man?"" The 1st nun replies: ""Adam."" Peter: ""Right, you're in."" The first nun then appears on the ot…

Nuns In Heaven So three nuns simultaneously die and go to the gates of St. Peter. Whilst there, St. Peter approaches the nuns and says: ""I'm sorry girls, but heaven's getting pretty full now. There's this new policy that I have to ask you guys a religious-trivia question before i can let you in"". The nuns agree. So St. Peter approaches the first: ""What was the name of the first Man?"" The 1st nun replies: ""Adam."" Peter: ""Right, you're in."" The first nun then appears on the other side of t…

So Adam is sitting in the Garden of Eden... ... and he says, ""God, I see that all of the other animals that you have created in this truly perfect world have a companion, a partner, someone to be with, share life with, and to love. Why is it that I am alone?"" God pauses for a moment, and says ""You know Adam, I'll work on that. Be patient, my son, I shall return to you in a week's time."" God labors for a week as only a being of such incredible omnipotence can labor, and after much exhausting …

Little Mary #1 Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher asked her while she was napping, ""Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary. The teacher said, ""Very good,"" and little Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ""Who is our Lord and Savior?""…

Funny because it's true. In Genesis Chapter 3 God kicks Adam and Eve out from the garden of evil for eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. This fruit, offered to them by the serpent (Satan), conferred upon them knowledge of what is good and what is evil. For this they were removed from the garden. In order to make up for this, they accept this moral knowledge from their ancestors in the form of their sacred tomes, and pass it on to their descendants and converts. And beca…

there were two kids in a sunday school... there were two kids in a sunday school named adam and mary, adam was sitting directly behind mary and everytime mary raised her hand to answer a question, adam found it amusing to poke her in the back with his pencil. ""todays lesson we will be answering three questions and then you may leave"" said the teacher. ""first, heres an easy one. who did the virgin mary give birth to?"" adam poked mary in the back with the pencil and she replied a little agriva…

Adam, is working in the Garden of Eden, when the skies open up, and God appears spotlighted by a shaft of brilliant blue light.God asks Adam how things were in the garden:'Fine thanks' replies Adam.'God', inquires Adam, Why did you make Eve so beautiful?""So you would love her.' Said God But why did you make her so dumb?""So she would love you.' Explained God.

Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.

How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black? Ever try and take a rib from a black.

Did Adam and Eve ever have a date? No, but they had an Apple.

A doctor, and engineer, a rabbi and a lawyer were debating who was the world's first professional. The Doctor said ""It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helpd with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman. ""No,"" said the rabbi. ""It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world. ""Wait,"" Said the engineer ""The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engin…

Seems God was just about done with creating the universe but he had two extra things left over in his bag so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told them that one of the things he had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. ""It's a very handy thing,"" God told them, ""and I was wondering if either one of you would like that."" When Adam saw it, he jumped up and down and begged ""Oh, give that to me! I'd love to have that. It seems just the sort of th…

A little girl asked her mother, ""How did the human race appear?"" The mother answered, ""God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.."" Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, ""Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."" The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ""Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"" The m…

One day God and Adam were walking in the garden. God told Adam it was time to populate the earth. He told Adam, ""Adam, you can start by kissing Eve."" Adam replied ""God, what is a kiss?"" God told Adam and Adam went and took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam came back out with a big smile and said ""Wow Lord! That was great!! What next?"" God said, ""Adam, I now want you to caress Eve."" Adam says, ""Lord what is a caress?"" God explained it to Adam and he again to…

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, ""What is wrong with you?"" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called woman. God said, ""This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the f…