#adam

Where do humans come from? A young girl asked her Mom, ""Where do we humans come from?"" Her Mom answered, ""God made Adam and Eve in his image; they had children and that's who we all descend from."" A few days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. Her Dad answered, ""Many years ago there were apes and monkeys, who began to walk on two legs like cavemen, and then eventually we humans evolved."" The confused girl returned to her mother and said, ""Mom, I don't understand. I asked you a…

Three Nuns Dies and Go To Heaven..... Saint Peter meets them at the gate and says ""I am going to ask each of you a question, if you get it right you can enter Heaven; but if you get it wrong you are going to Hell!"". He then turns to the first nun, a really smart brunette and says ""Who was the first man God put on Earth?""...Immediately she answered ""Adam"" so he opens the gate and lets her into Heaven. He then turns to the second nun, an average intelligence redhead and says ""Who was the fi…

Adam: God, I appreciate everything you've done for me, but this earth is kind of lonely. God: Well Adam. I can create for you a beautiful woman who cooks and cleans and fulfills all your desires. Adam: ooooh sounds expensive. What's it gonna cost me. God: An arm, leg and your right nut. Adam: What can I get for a rib? Fin.

The reason fish smell One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Adam and Eve, but couldn't find them. Later in the day God saw Adam and asked where he and Eve were earlier. Adam said, ""The morning Eve and I made love for the first time."" God said, ""Adam, you have sinned. I knew this would happen. Where is Eve now? Adam replied, ""She's down at the river, washing herself out."" ""Damn,"" says God, ""now all the fish will smell funny.""

What was the first treacherous thing said? Adam you gotta try this!

Three nuns die in a car crash and next thing they know they look up to see St Peter, greeting them at the pearly gates. He looks at the first nun and tells her he is going to ask her a question regarding her religous beliefs, and if she answers correctly, she will be welcomed into heaven. He asks, ""what was the name of the first man on earth?"" She quickly answers ""Adam."" The pearly gates open up and St. Peter says, ""welcome to heaven my child."" The second nun steps up and again St. Peter h…

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?"" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty! "" shouted Lucy and the teacher said, ""Very good,"" and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, ""Who is our …

Three nuns, a postulant, a novitiate, and the mother superior, are driving and get in a car wreck. All three die and go to heaven. Before St. Peter lets them in, he says that to get into heaven, you have to answer one question. He looks to the postulant and says, ""because you're the youngest you get the easiest question. Who was the first human ever created by God?"" The postulant gives a sigh of relief and says, ""Thats easy, obviously it was Adam."" St. Peter opens the gates for her and respo…

I'm sick of my mate Adam. He walks round like he's gods gift to women.

Three Nuns Three nuns died in a car accident. On the way to heaven, there was a man who said ""To go to heaven you must each answer a question."" So the first nuns question was who was the first man in earth. She replied ""Oh, that's easy the first man on earth was Adam."" The second nuns question was who was the first woman on earth. She replied ""Oh, that's simple the first women on earth was Eve."" The last nuns question was what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam. Her reply was ""Oh, …

God shows up in the Garden of Eden looking for Adam and Eve. Eventually he finds Adam alone and asks him, ""Where is Eve?"" Adam says, ""Well, last time i saw her she was taking a bath in the river."" God, looking annoyed, asks him how long she's been in there. ""I guess a couple of hours."" ""Really, shit!"" ""What's wrong?"" asks Adam. ""Now I'm never going to get the smell out of those fish.""

Adam and Eve were arguing. On and on, she kept pestering him, asking, ""Where have you been all night?"" ""Just out walking,"" Adam insisted as he closed his eyes and prayed for sleep to overtake him. It seemed like only moments later he was awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. ""What do you think you're doing?"" Adam demanded. ""Counting your ribs,"" said Eve.

""Hey Adam, can you get me some water?"" ""Sure I can, while I'm up and at 'em!""

The iCloud leaks weren't an accident at all. It was Apple trying to make up for causing Adam and Eve to have to wear clothes in the first place.

What's Adam Sandler's favorite salsa? Medium Pace

Wake Up Call A mother is trying to wake her son up for school, so she yells, ""Adam, it's time to wake up for school!"" The son grumbles and crawls out of bed, heading for the kitchen. The mother then asks, ""Oh, and would you mind taking out the trash?"" And he replies, ""I might as well while I'm up and at 'em!""

So a kid has an atheist mother and a Christian father... One day he decides to ask his father where people came from and his father says.. "" God created Adam and Eve and from them every person was born."" The kid was still a little confused so he asked his mother the same question and she answers... "" Well basically honey we evolved from apes."" The kid is even more confused now and goes back to his father and says,"" Mom says we evolved from monkeys!!"". The father replies,"" Son, I was telli…

Little Johhny in Sunday school Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, April, who created the universe?"" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""GOD ALMIGHTY!"" shouted April and the teacher said, ""Very good"" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, ""Who is our Lord and …

So a man was going as Adam from Adam and Eve for a Halloween costume. So he went to a costume shop and asked the lady working there for a leaf to wear, so the lady brought out a leaf and the guy said, ""bigger"", so the lady brought out another leaf and the man said ""bigger"" again, this went on a few more times and the lady finally came out and said, ""why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gas pump?""

Questions of a son to his mom and dad ! A child asked his father, ""How were people born?"" So his father said, ""Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."" The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, ""We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."" The child ran back to his father and said, ""You lied to me!"" His father replied, ""No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.""

Adam and Eve Do you know where the saying ""It's both a blessing and a curse"" originated? Actually, it started right after Adam and Eve were thrown out of the Garden of Eden. Adam noticed that Eve was bleeding in a certain part of her body and told her:""That will turn out to be both a blessing and a curse"", to which Eve replied:""Why don't you just shut the f... up!"" This startled Adam no end, because up to this point Eve had been so sweet and shy and had never uttered a bad word about anyon…

Adam and Eve Did you know Eve was the first carpenter? She made Adam's banana stand.

Little Adam wonders Little Adam asks his mother...""hey mom, is god man or a woman?"" Mother replies: ""God is both, man and woman"" A bit confused Adams wonders: ""ok, but is God black or white?"" Mother replies: ""God is both, black and white"" Adam responds: ""what is God then... Michael Jackson?""

3 Nuns die in a car crash... ...and as they have all dedicated their lives to God, their souls are immediately sent up to heaven, where they meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. ""Sisters, I know you are all devout followers of Christ, but unfortunately we have protocol to follow up in here in heaven, and I must first ask each of you a simple question before I can let you enter."" The sisters are somewhat surprised, a little nervous, but agree to answer St. Peter's questions. ""Sister Anne,"" he …

Never trust an Adam... ...because they make up everything.