#adam

What if God is gay and created Adam as a lover but Adam was straight and said "no way God." Then God got all pissed and created suffering?

It's not Adam and Steve, it's Adam and [Cher autotune voice] beli-EVE *club goes crazy*

It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve! - someone who believes in talking snakes

Starbucks? Yes I'd like a tepid mug of milk froth please. My name's Adam, but you can call me Aldin.

The Bible would be more believable if Adam was tempted by a slice of pizza instead.

[God creating beards] ADAM: God, I don't like my face. GOD: Tell ya what, buddy: I'll cover it in pubes. ADAM: What? That's not GOD: Done.

Started to travel back in time to kill Hitler, but then I decided to be more efficient and went back and shot Adam and Eve instead.

God: *making Eve from Adam's rib* Adam: That's a weird way to make people God: Lol wait till you see how she does it

I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction.

God: Don't eat that Apple. You can smoke this plant I made instead [20 min later] Adam: Sooo hungry Eve: Me too Adam: That apple looks good

"I'm turning over a new leaf" -Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman

[Adam and Eve in bed] Adam, am I really the only girl for you? GOD EVE, YOU'RE LITERALLY THE ONLY GIRL ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH

"yo Adam, Eve, don't eat from that tree ok?" "Why God?" "CUZ I INSTALLED THIS SWEET BURGER KING BRO" "AW HELL YEAH" *God & Adam chest bump*

I bet Adam and Eve loved being the first people cuz they didn't have to worry about ghosts

Cops: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM Invisible Hands Adam: shit

Mike sat behind Sally... (long) In religion class. Mike hated Sally and did anything he could to annoy her. One day, Sally kept falling asleep in class. Mike thought this is a perfect time to start poking her in the ass with a needle he found. She decided to wait until the teacher asked her a question and then he would wake her up. The teacher's first question was""who created the earth?""Mike stuck the needle in Sally's ass and she woke up screaming "" God Almighty"".Then she fell back asleep. …

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church... ... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, ""Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin."" Mrs. Smith acknowledged his instructions and sat down with her husband for the service. Shortly into the sermon, Mr. Smith ha…

Ramadhan starts tomorrow, here's a joke There were two white christian men, Adam and Jack, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do. As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then Adam said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are muslim.'' Then Jack said ''No way, I won't say I…

Adam's new wife Adam had been in the garden of Eden for several years without someone to share his life with. One day, he asked God for a companion. God said to him, ""I can give you a wife that will be everything you could dream of. Humble and submissive, she will make your life nothing but pleasurable. However, to make her I'll need an arm and a leg."" Adam says, ""Aw what, that sucks! What can I get for a rib?""

Mary is sitting in Sunday school... She had a long night, so she was dozing off. The teacher asks ""Who is the creator of the world and all its creatures?"" A kid sitting behind Mary starts poking her with a pencil. She wakes up and turns around and yells ""My GOD!"" The teacher says she is correct and Mary dozes off again. The teacher proceeds to ask the class ""Who is the son of God?"" The kid pokes Mary again with a pencil, she again wakes up, turns around and yells ""JESUS CHRIST!"" The teac…

Little Mary never did very well in church. She would always fall asleep when the priest was speaking. One day, while Mary was happily sleeping, the Priest said ""Mary, who created the Earth as we know it""? The little boy behind Mary got bored, took out a pin, and poked Mary with it in the back. Mary jolted awake and screamed ""Oh good Lord""! ""Good job""! said the priest. A little later, the Priest asked sleeping Mary ""Mary, who was born on December 25th and is celebrated for Christmas?"". Th…

Hans Wolfgang A man, (lets call him Adam) is walking through his new city neighborhood looking for a dry-cleaners. He goes on to find one cleaners called ""Hals Wolfgang's Express Clean."" Curious, he walks in the building to find it almost empty, exept for the manager, a small, old, asian man. Adam walks up to the old man and starts a conversation. Adam: Are you the owner of this store? Man: Yes I am. Adam: So...you're Hans Wolfgang? Man: Yes, why? Adam: Nothing...it's just a very unusual name …

Garden of Eden Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, ""What is wrong with you?"" Adam said, ""I don't have anyone to talk to."" God said, ""I will give you a companion and it will be a woman."" He said, ""This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make, she will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. ""She will not nag,"" God continued, ""a…

Letter from Scout Camp Dear Mom, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Ada…

Adam's Rib Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, ""What is wrong with you?"" Adam said, ""Lord, I don't have anyone to talk to."" God said, ""Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a 'woman'. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will alwa…