#adam

Adam was feeling lonely... so God created all of the animals to be his companions. "God," Adam said, "These animals are great and all, but none of them seem like truly great companions for me." "Well, Adam, I think I know exactly what you need. Tonight, I will create a Woman for you." "A Woman? What's that?" "Well, I'm sure she'll be the perfect companion for you. Women are extremely kind, moreso than the most loving animals. They are beautiful, even more than the most colorful birds." At…

Adam's companion. Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman." God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and wi…

Three nuns get into a car accident 2... and are killed. Sisters Mary, Rose, and Kathleen arrive at the pearly gates confident that their entry was inevitable. They are met by Saint Peter, who explains to them that even though the spent their mortal lives in service to God, they were not gauranteed a place in Heaven. There were some questions that would need to be answered first. They are all very stressed out about the possibility of getting questions they might not be able to answer. Kathleen …

Adam and Eve eat the apple of the forbidden tree, God sees this and is very angry, "Adam!" he says, "for what you have done from now on by the sweat of your brow you will eat your food...." "And you Eve...you will pay with *blood* But you can pay me in comfortable monthly payments

God Knows!!! God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....." Adam said, "What is a hill?" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave." Adam …

Adam is feeling a bit lonely in the garden of eden So one day he asks God for a companion. God thinks about this for a little while and finally comes back to Adam and says "I've got the perfect bride for you. She cooks, cleans, does whatever you ask and is gorgeous to boot." Adam looks up and says "Thats amazing! What do I have to do for such a wonderful woman?" God replies "Unfortunately it won't be cheap, it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg" Adam thinks about this for a second and says "That…

A child asked his father, A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Three nuns die and get to the gate of heaven... ..guarded by st. Petrus. He says: in order to enter the gates of heaven, each of you have to answer a question to prove your knowledge about the holy father and his reign. So he asks the first nun: who was he first man on earth? She answers: oh, that's an easy one! It was adam. And the angels sing and the doors open and she enters into heaven. So st. Petrus asks the second nun: who was the first woman on earth? She answers: oh, thats an easy on…

Adam felt sad and lonely in the Garden of Eden "What is wrong, my child?" asked God. "Lord, I am lonely," relplied Adam, "I wish I had a companion." "Well, I've got just the one for you," said God. "She's perfect! She is lithe and youthful, and shall always remain so. She utters beauty when she speaks, and she listens with attention and compassion. She will desire you as much as you desire her. Adam, she's literally made for you." "Wow, God, she sounds amazing! But what will this cost me?" A…

Another costume A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough." She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough." She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough." She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

An oldie, but goodie. Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to …

Adam is lonely... So God creates Eve. God orders Adam to reproduce with Eve. "How?," Adam asks. "First, you must hug and caress Eve." Adam asks "God, what is hugging and caressing?" And God explains. "I liked hugging and carressing, what's next?" Adam asks. "Next you must kiss Eve," God answers. "What is 'Kiss'?" Adam asks, and God explains. "I liked kissing Eve, what's next?" God answers, "Next, you must lay with Eve and make love to her." Adam asks, "What is making love?" And so God e…

Seeing that Ramadan started this week, here's a joke. There were two white christian men, Adam and Jack, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do. As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then Adam said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are muslim.'' Then Jack said ''No w…

Three nuns died... ...and found themselves standing before St. Peter at the gates of heaven. "Before I can let you in," said Peter, "you'll each have to answer one question." The first nun stepped forward and Peter asked, "What was the name of the first man?" "Adam," answered the nun. And immediately bells began ringing and lights started flashing, and the gates opened up and she entered into heaven. The second nun stepped forward. "What was the name of the first woman?" St. Peter asked.…

Little Johnny fell asleep in Sunday school... The teacher asked, "Johnny, who is our Lord and savior?" The boy behind him poked him in the back with a pin. Johnny shot upright and shouted, "Jesus Christ!" "Correct," said the teacher. Johnny then fell back asleep. The teacher called on him again, "Johnny, who was Jesus's mother?" Again, the boy behind Johnny poked him. Johnny woke up again and exclaimed, "Mary mother of God!" "Correct," said the teacher once more. Johnny fell back asleep. The t…

God made women To start, I'm new to reddit and don't know if this is a repost, but its one of my favorite jokes. God places Adam in the Garden of Eden. Adam is happy for a while, but over time, God notices that Adam has grown very sad. He says to Adam, "Adam, why have you grown so sad. You have a wonderful life here." Adam responds, "Well, God, I'm lonely". God then creates all the fish of the sea, birds of the air, and creatures of the land and presents them to Adam one by one hoping that…

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty! " shouted Lucy and the teacher said, "Very good," and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, "Who is our Lord …

One day the pope decided to throw all the Jews out of Rome... He made an announcement to the Jewish community: "Send me your smartest scholar to convince me why I should let the Jewish people stay and I may reconsider my stance." The Roman Jewish community sent Rabbi Moshe, a 78 year old Hebrew school teacher and, according to everyone but himself, the smartest Jew in Rome. The Pope and Moshe meet in a large conference hall in the Vatican attended by everyone that could fit in the room. Since …

Some Christmas jokes! **What is the best Christmas present in the world?** A broken drum – you just can’t beat it **What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?** It's Christmas, Eve! **What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?** Frostbite! **Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?** They always drop their needles! **Did Rudolph go to school?** No. He was Elf-taught! **Who is Santa's favorite singer?** Elf-is Presley! **What happened to the man who st…

The birds and the bees talk. A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

At the Creation of Women God: Adam, it would cost you but would you like me to make you a woman? Adam: Yes. But what is a woman My Lord? God: A woman is a wonderful creature that would obey ALL your commands and fufil ALL your desires Adam: What would it cost me? God: Only an arm and a leg Adam: Uh, what can I get for a rib?

Three Nuns cross the road... They get hit by a bus, die and go to heaven. They reach the pearly gates and St. Peter is there waiting for them. As they line up, St. Peter says "Right ladies, in order for you to get into heaven you must answer a question each." The Nuns nod and agree. St. Peter turns to the first Nun and asks "Who was the first man on earth?" the first nun replies "That's easy, Adam!" "Correct, collect your wings and halo and come on in" St. Peter turns to the second nun and a…

3 Nuns at the Pearly Gates (very mildly NSFW) 3 nuns are in a bus in Colombia, which due to budget cuts breaks it's axle, rolls over, and kills them all. When they come to, they realize that the three of them are in a cloud-filled place standing in front of an elderly man at a dais, behind whom are enormous, gold-plated gates, which at the moment are closed. The man says to them "Welcome, my friends, to the Pearly Gates. My names is Peter, and I am the gatekeeper". The nuns, thinking that t…

Adam is a little lonely... About a month or so after Adam was introduced to Eden, God and Adam are meeting for dinner. Adam expresses his admiration for the plants and the animals and the joy and beauty of it all, but admits that there is one little thing that he feels sad about: he feels a tiny bit lonely.... God quickly points out that he is already working on a solution: it is called a "woman," and is stunning to behold, beautiful and slim, would make company for Adam, would care for him wh…

Anti Sleep Treatment One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed …