When I was in 3rd grade my teacher smoking in the classroom told us not to tell well I'm telling you now

A fight or flight situation. Like when you go to pick up your kid and the teacher's walking towards you with "the look" on her face.

[high school] Teacher: do u have your homework? Ryan Lochte: I was murdered last night

Going to meet my daughter's kindergarten teacher tonight. Her name is Miss Cox. Not sure I'm mature enough for this situation.

DUMBLEDORE: Say hello to our new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Totally-Not-Working-For-Voldemort. SNAPE: Dude, seriously?

A cash bar on parent / teacher interview nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.

9: My teacher doesn't wear makeup like you do. I guess she doesn't need it because she's younger. Me: Get out of the car.

[covered in olive oil, salt, pepper and other herbs and spices] Professor: "That's just not what I meant when I said "come prepared"..."

our teacher used to make us do 100 lines if we'd been naughty. my nose was wrecked at the end of it

Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.

twitter has a very "high school class where the teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes" vibe

Under pressure, Air Bud's math teacher changes grade from "he's a dog" to a 70

*Good Will Hunting* Professor: are you the janitor who's been solving the math equations? me: [writing '80085' on every chalkboard] yes?

Me: u can walk around without shoes Teacher: right Me: but after a while it hurts your feet Teacher: ok Me: so time wounds all the heels

Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"

Teacher: welcome to health class Me: my friend said you can get a girl pregnant by kissing her? Teacher: sir please just mop the floor

In grade 5 during biology my teacher asked me "what is in cells?" I answered my Uncle Eric and Dad and she made me go home.

Just yelled "F, YOU GUYS!" to my students. Another perk of being a music teacher...

Omg someone broke into my professor's house & stole his laptop so my class today has been cancelled. I gotta find this person & thank him.

TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy TIMMY: I'm scared to look. TEACHER: Don't worry. It's all B's lol *opens it & gets engulfed by bees*

Teacher: Any questions *raises hand* T: NO DUMB ONES "Can you see continent names from space" T: FOR FU-..ugh...Not if it's cloudy bud

Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

My teacher was pointing a ruler at me an said, "There's an idiot at the end of this ruler!" I got detention after asking which end.

I find it odd that my son's teacher would like to see him skip grade one without knowing how horribly he screwed up when doing our taxes.

(Art Museum) Me:*sees nature painting* *pulls out sharpie* *draws sun in the top left corner* My 5th Grade Art Teacher: *thumbs up* nice