#third-man

Four men went golfing together one day... Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, ""My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."" The second man said, ""My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadill…

Marrying a Canadian woman Three friends married women from different parts of the world. The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By …

Three men are on a desrted island and get captured by cannibals The chief of the cannibals walks up to the first man and says, ""We will grind your bones and use them for forks! Do you have any last requests?"" The man says, ""I would like the most delicious meal you can offer me."" The chief grants the man his request and grinds his bones into forks afterwards. The chief then walks up to the second man and says, ""We will roast your flesh over the fire and have a great feast! Do you have any la…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ""In honor of this holy season,"" Saint Peter said, ""You must each present something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."" The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ""It represents a candle,"" he said. ""You may pass through the pearly gates,"" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out his car keys. He shook them and said, ""They're…

A doctor from the U.S. is visiting a hospital in Scotland A prominent physician is visiting a hospital in Scotland. He's being shown around by the medical director. They take him to the OR, very modern. Then they go to the ICU, where he talks to the nurses. They go to another ward, where there's a long line of beds, each with a patient in it. He asks the first one, ""What are you here for?"", and gets the reply, ""Oh my luve's like a red red rose."" ""OK,"" he thinks, and goes to the next man. "…

In heaven, in order to see what vehicle you will be given, Peter must ask you a question... The first man comes up, and Peter asks, ""Have you ever cheated on your wife?"" The man answers, ""no never!"" Peter replies, ""ok, you get a Rolls Royce."" A second man comes up, Peter asks him the same question and he answers, ""well once or twice, but only in the first year!"" ""Ok, you get a Buick"" A third man comes up, Peter asks him the question, and he answers, ""yeah, but not the last year!"" ""O…

Three men walk into a party. The first man beelines toward a table with a bowl of punch. The second man closely follows. A few people are ahead of them so while they wait the first man turns to the second man and asks: ""Have you ever heard the one about the garden gnome?"" The second man replies ""No, not that I can recall..."" The first man begins ""Well you see, a garden gnome, a snake, and a raven walk into a bar."" The second man interrupts ""Snakes don't walk! They slither."" The first man…

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, ""Religion?"" The man says, ""Methodist."" St. Peter looks down his list, and says, ""Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."" Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. ""Religion?"" ""Baptist."" ""Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."" A third man arrives at the gates. ""Religion?"" ""Jewish."" ""Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."" The man says, ""I can understand there being different rooms…

Three men in line for heaven... Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came int…

Entrance to Heaven Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they're met by Saint Peter. ""In order to get in,"" he tells them, ""you must each produce something representative of the holidays."" The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. ""This represents a candle of hope."" Impressed, Peter lets him in. The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. ""These are bells."" He's allowed in too. ""So,"" Peter says to the third man, ""what do yo…

3 Guys Die And Go To The Pearly Gates St. Peter was waiting for them at the gate and said, ""However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven"" as he pointed to another shining gate many miles in the distance. The first guy comes up to the gate and says, ""I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. "". St. Peter smiled and handed him the keys to a brand spanking new Ferrari. The next man stepped forward an…

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day... Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I c…

Blowing bubbles 3 guys walk into a bar and head straight for the bathroom. About a half-hour later one man emerges from the bathroom and the bar keep asks "" You where in there for awhile are you ok?"" The guy replies ""yes I was just blowing bubbles"". The second guy emerges and the bar keep again asks "" You where in there for awhile, are you ok?"" The man replies "" yes I was just blowing bubbles"". The third man emerges and the bar keep says "" let me guess blowing bubbles?"" And the man rep…

A man was nervously waiting for a job interview when the receptionist warned him about the boss... A man was nervously waiting for a job interview when the receptionist warned him about the boss. ""Before you go in for your interview,"" she said, ""just be aware that he doesn't have any ears and he's super sensitive about it. Whatever you do, don't draw any attention to it."" ""Oh, ok thanks!"" said the man. When he went in for the interview the man with no ears looks at him and said, ""do you n…

Gary and the Parrot. Gary owns a pet shop. One day a customer by the name Stacy walks in and is looking around and fancies a parrot. Looking at this Gary says, that the parrot can talk fluently. Stacy: What do you think about me dear parrot? Parrot: Stacy, You are one big Slut. Stacy and Gary are shocked. Gary takes the parrot to the back of the shop and finds a big bucket of water and dunks the parrot in it. Gary: Are you going to talking trash? Parrot: Of Course Gary. Again parrot is dunked in…

The Genie and the Demon Three men are out walking in the woods one day, when they stumble upon an old bronze lamp. Naturally, having spent much of their lives reading internet jokes, their first inclination is to rub the lamp and excitedly greet the genie that emerges. ""You have freed me from my near-eternal captivity!"" the genie booms. ""As my rescuers, you are entitled to one wish each."" The first man excitedly blurts out, ""I wish for a billion--"" ""Now hold on just a minute!"" the genie …

3 men are in line to get into heaven St. Peter is waiting at the gates of heaven and calls the first man up. Peter says, ""You never cheated on your wife! I'm going to let you drive around heaven in a Ferrari!"" So he gets in the car and drives off through the gates. Peter then called 2nd man up. Peter says, ""Oh no, looks like you cheated on your wife TWICE! You are going to drive around heaven in an Accord!"" He gets into his car and drives through the gates. Peter calls the third man up and s…

Three men are stranded in the desert... Survivors of a plane crash, the three men walk aimlessly in the hopes of finding the rest of humanity. Three days pass before they stumble on a door lying flat down in the sand next to a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie flies out and introduces itself. ""My name is Hector, and I'm going to be your salvation. This door will be my assistant!"", explained the genie. ""Simply jump over this door, and shout whatever you'd like to magically transform into in…

3 guys are waiting while their wives give birth A nurse emerges from the back and says, ""Mr. David, come on back, your wife has delivered two beautiful babies!"" ""Wow! Twins, huh? That's interesting, I'm from the twin rivers."" Said Mr. David After another hour, a second nurse comes into their room and says, ""Mr. Smith, you wife has had healthy triplets!"" ""That's awesome!"" Replied Mr. Smith, ""I'm from the three islands, Jonu, Frot and Trik."" And with that he went back with the nurse The …

Three car salesmen have a wreck on the way to work They all arrive at the Pearly Gates and Saint Peter says ""Let me ask you a question before admitting you to heaven."" To the first he says ""My son, while on Earth did you lead a good life?"" ""Oh yes, "" says the first man,"" I had thirty years of marriage to a wonderful woman and I was honest in business"" ""I see here in the book you're telling the truth"", says Saint Peter, ""here are your keys to a brand new Mercedes to drive in Heaven"" T…

Three Men Were Standing In Line To Get Into Heaven Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-han…

Three men are waiting their turn outside a brothel. The madame informs them that her establishment charges $10 for every inch. The first man walks in and comes back out when he is finished. ""How much were you charged?"" His friends ask. To which the man smiles and replies ""70 bucks."" rather proudly. The second man walks in and comes back out when he is finished. ""Well fellas"", he says ""I guess I can't be too mad for having to pay $60."" The third man walks in and takes his time. When he co…

A Fast Taxi Driver Three men walked out of a bar, terribly drunk. Because they lived in the same apartment building 10 blocks away, they hailed one taxi to share the ride. The taxi driver saw that the three men where thoroughly drunk and was planning on tricking them. He drove one block down the street and stopped, telling the men that they arrived. The first man thanked the taxi driver and paid for the ride. The second man, fumbling with his wallet accidentally tipped the driver $50. The taxi d…

3 Mexicans are about to cross the border They are stopped by the border patrol who stops the first Mexican and says, ""If you can say the entire English alphabet, I'll let you pass"", the Mexican agrees and goes, ""A, B, C, D..... ahhh I can't do it!"", and walks away the border patrol stops the second man and says, ""If you can count to 10, I'll let you pass"" The Mexican agrees and says, ""1, 2, 3, 4, ahhhh.... I can't do it!"" and walks away the border patrol stops the third man and says, ""I…

18 daughters Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the cows."" the…