#third-man

Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, decided to stay with 3 Daughters of.. Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and…

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven Where they are met by Saint Peter. ""In order to get in,"" he tells them, "" you must each produce something representative of the holidays."" The first digs through his pocket and pulls out a match and lights it. "" this represents a candle of hope."" Impressed, Peter allows the first man through. The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. "" these are bells."" He says. Peter allows him through also. "" so,"" Peter says to third ma…

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. ""In honor of this holy season,"" Saint Peter said, ""You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."" The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ""It represents a candle,"" he said. ""You may pass through the pearly gates,"" Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ""They'r…

Three explorers are captured by a local tribe. And the elder tells them we are going to kill you, skin you, and make canoes from your skin. But first we are going to give you a chance. Each of you may request one item from your supplies and we will give you a 1 hour head start before sending out our hunting party. The first person asks for his gun. After an hour the hunting party sets out and 3 hours later some shots are heard, but by the end of the day, the first man is hauled back into the tow…

Three men died and went to heaven... ... and met St. Peter at the pearly gates, who was explaining a new reward system to the newcomers. Each person who made it to heaven would receive a vehicle, the quality of which would be determined by how faithful they were to their spouses on Earth. The first man had his fair share of adulterous adventures, and he received a 1992 Toyota Corolla. The second man was pretty faithful, but even he was not loyal throughout his entire life, and he received a bran…

100 lashes These three men were arrested and forced to get 100 lashes. The executioner let them each have one thing to stop their pain. The first man says I would like a pillow on my back. The second man says I want the lashes to be weak. The last man says I want 1000 lashes. The executioner looks surprised until the third man finished his sentence: with my mother in law strapped to my back

Three hobos are walking down the train tracks... And after days of walking and no food in their bellies they find a dead squirrel. Two of the hobos start eating but the third refuses. The first two ask him why and he replies ""I'm waiting for a hot meal."" After eating the squirrel they continue on their way. Along the tracks they find a dead pig. Still hungry the first two start eating the pig and again the third hobo refuses. ""I'm waiting for a hot meal."" The first two think him a fool but …

Three gay men died, and were cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, ''My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane to scatter his ashes in the sky.'' The second man said, ''My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.'' The third man said, ''My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can …

Three guys are waiting in a maternity ward The nurse walks out of the doors and approaches the first man. ""Congratulations Sir, your wife had twins!"" she says. The first man says ""What a coincidence, I own the Minnesota Twins!"" Twenty minutes later she walks out again and says to the second man, ""Your wife had triplets!"" The man says' ""Wow, I work for triple crown!"" Fifteen minutes later the nurse appears again only to find the third man bawling his eyes out. ""What's wrong?"" She asks. …

so a man walks into a bar with his dog.. and the bartender says "" sorry, you can't bring your dog in here, i don't want to clean up after him"" the man says "" its ok, the dog is trained"" so he lets him in a second man and his dog walks in, and the bartender says "" sorry mate, you can't have a dog in here"" and the second man says ""he's trained its ok"" so he lets him in then a third man walks in with dark glasses and a dog, the bartender says ""hey man, i don't know what your doing but you …

Three men die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter heaven. On entering they must present something relating to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St Peter asks, How do these represent Christmas?' Answer: They're Carol's.'

I felt like a golfer Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the cow…

Three gay men. There were three gay men who had the same lover. Their lover got really sick and passed away. They all decided to have him cremated. Once he was cremated they decided to share his ashes between them to spread them at their favorite places. The first man said he was going to spread his ashes on the sea since they loved sailing together. The second man said he was going to spread his ashes in his garden because they loved growing beautiful flowers together. The third man said he was…

Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment…

Three men are lost in the woods and they grow very hungry. After sitting around listening to their tummies rumble the first man gets up on his feet and says ""That's it! I'm going out there and getting us some food!"" After an hour he comes back with a dead rabbit in his hands. ""Holy cow!"" the other two say, ""How'd you find that rabbit!"" ""Well, I followed the tracks and found a rabbit"" the first man explained. The next day the second man goes out to fetch the trio some grub. Three hours la…

3 men are captured by savages... 3 men are traveling across the ocean on a cruise when their boat hits a large rock and sinks. Everyone on the boat dies except these 3 men who miraculously manage to swim a mile to a nearby forested island. The lucky survivors soon pass out on the beach from exhaustion. When they wake up, to their horror, they discover they have been taken prisoner by a native tribe and sentenced to death for trespassing on their territory. The chieftain feeling merciful, offers …

The Fastest Thing in the World Four men were arguing about what they thought was the fastest thing in the world. The first man says: I think it's a thought, because when you think of something, it's in your head instantly. The second man says: I think it's a blink, because when you wink at someone they barely even see it. The third man says: I think it's electricity, because when you flip a switch, power from miles away arrives instantly, and your light turns on. The fourth man says: No, no, no,…

Heavens a bit full this week.... God calls St Peter to his office and tells him that heaven is getting pretty full today and that only people with unfair or horrible deaths can be allowed in. So, St Peter returns to the Pearly Gates, stands on his podium and he calls out ""all those that died an unfair or horrible death please form an orderly line here, the rest of you. Hell is through that door"" Peter then heads to the front of the queue and asks the man ""how did you die?"" The man replies ""…

Three old deaf men on a train in London Deaf man number one says 'IS THIS WEMBLEY?' The second man replies 'NO IT'S THURSDAY.' and the third man replies 'ME TO. LETS GET OFF AND HAVE A PINT'

Delivery coincidences,Haha! Four expectant fathers pace in a hospital waiting room while their wives are in labor. The nurse enters and tells the first man, ""Congratulations, you're the father of twins."" ""What a coincidence,"" the man says. ""I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."" A little later, the nurse returns and tells the second man, ""You are the father of triplets."" ""That's really an incredible coincidence,"" he answers. ""I work for the 3M Corporation."" An hour later, the…

A pair of Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road side damage directly across the street from a house of ill repute when they witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about and then ducking into the house. ""Would ye look at that, Darby!"" said Pat. ""What a shameful disgrace, a Protestant Reverend sinning in a house the likes of that place!"" They both shook their heads in disgust and continued their work. A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around himself cautiously and then …

3 men get sent to prison... each of them are told that they get to have one item in unlimited supply during their time in prison. The first man, an alcoholic, asks for an unlimited supply of beer. The second man, a book worm, asks for an unlimited access to the library. The third man, a smoker, asks for an unlimited supply of cigarettes. When the first man is released from prison, he says ""It wasn't all bad, I had my beer to keep me content!"". When the second man is released from prison, he sa…

Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets! Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, ""Congratulations! You're the father of twins."" ""That's odd,"" answers the man. ""I work for the Minnesota A nurse says to the second guy, ""Congratulations! You're the father of ""That's weird,"" answers the second man. ""I work for the 3M A nurse tells the third man, ""Congratulations! You're the father of quadruplets!"…

The Girl In The Pink House There was once a woman who lived in a pink house , the garden was pink, all her food was pink , her car was pink. ...she'd wake up in her pink bed, turn off her pink alarm clock , slip on her pink slippers , get dressed in her pink dress, and go to work in her pink car. Then later she'd come home and open the pink door to her pink house and open her pink refrigerator to cook her pink food...Well one night she hears a knock at the door and opens it to find 3 guys standi…

Three men crashed in the desert... A plane carrying three men crashed in the desert. As the three were wandering around trying to find their way out, they chance across an old lamp and, rubbing it, out pops a genie who grants each of them one wish. ""I wish for a bottle of water, so that I won't get dehydrated,"" the first man says, and POOF! he receives a bottle of water. ""I wish for a sunhat, so that I will be shaded from the heat of the sun,"" the second man says, and POOF! he receives a hug…