#third-man

3 drunk man and Taxi driver funny story Three drunk men hired a taxi from town center to their house. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he decided to cheat them. He started the engine, and instead of driving, turned it off after one minute. Then told the men, ""We have reached your house, get down."" The first man got down and handed him money. The second man said, ""Thank you"". The third man slapped the driver! The driver, shocked and thinking that the third man is aware of his pran…

A bar purchases a robot and the robot is programmed to be able to talk to anyone; all they have to do is to tell the robot their IQ and it will strike up a relevant conversation with that person. A man walks in and the robot asks for his IQ. ""160'"" replied the man, so he and the robot start discussing string theory, the theory of relativity and the many universes in our solar system. A second man walks in and the robot asks the same question. ""120,"" replied the man so they start discussing c…

Three German artillerymen were on probation for lackluster performance. To secure continued enlistment in the military, they had to take a test that involved firing an egg out of a cannon, towards their commanding officer. They needed to use the smallest angle necessary to fire the egg in a way that didn't hit their CO. The first man fired too low and hit the CO with an egg. The CO pointed at the man and laughed, calling him a failure. The second man fired a little higher, but also hit the CO, c…

Three friends make a bet to see who can order and eat the most without ordering a full portion of the meal. The first man points to a burger and chips and says, ""I would like this, but I only want three quarters of the meal."" So the guy gets the meal with less chips than the standard meal and eats it all. The second man points to a steak and says, ""I want four fifths of this steak."" The order is brought out and the man eats it up. The third man points to a sandwich and says, ""I would like o…

They're still yummy After a shipwreck, three men manage to swim to the safety of a small island. After recovering from their ordeal they begin to explore the island, searching for a way to get back to civilisation, when they come across a tribe of cannibals. The cannibals capture them and tie them up. The leader of the tribe says the the three men ""Go into the forest and each find 5 fruit. Once you have done this, return here or we will eat you"". So the men are untied and wander off into the d…

Hunting There were three men going out hunting one day. They came across a fourth Hunter leaving the public property with a very nice eight point. Immediately they ask the man where he got it, but unwilling to share many secrets the man said "" I followed the tracks."" The first Hunter of the three who had just arrived decides to go do as the man says while the other two stay and talk with each other. After awhile the man comes back with a six point and when the other two men ask how he replies,…

A genie had a magic slide... The genie went and gathered three men. He told them that if they needed to simply say what they wished for while sliding down the slide and their wish would apepar at the end of the slide. The first man went down and shouted ""Money!"" and landed in a pile of money. The next man went down and shouted ""Diamonds!"" and landed in a pile of diamonds. Finally, the third man went down. He wasn't as bright as the other two. He slid down and had so much fun he shouted ""wee…

Three men are walking to the gates of heaven together. They had a long walk ahead of them, so they decided to discuss the ways the had died. The first man began, ""Well, I was cleaning the windows outside the apartment building I work at when, all of the sudden, the mechanism holding me up snapped! Luckily I caught hold of a window ledge, but then I felt two hard stomps smash both my hands of the ledge. Thankfully I wasn't too high up because I managed to hit the ground without any serious injur…

Three men walk up to the gates of heaven together. They had a long walk ahead of them, so they decided to discuss the ways the had died. The first man began, ""Well, I was cleaning the windows outside the apartment building I work at when, all of the sudden, the mechanism holding me up snapped! Luckily I caught hold of a window ledge, but then I felt two hard stomps smash both my hands of the ledge. Thankfully I wasn't too high up because I managed to hit the ground without any serious injuries.…

Three Apple Engineers are using the restroom... The first man finishes up and begins washing his hands in the sink. He soaps up both his hands and arms and thoroughly washes all the way up to his elbows not missing a spot. He then proceeds to use half a roll of paper towels to dry up and announces to the others in the restroom, ""I graduated from Stanford University, and there they taught us to be clean and unsullied."" The next man finishes up and walks over to the sink. Using only a few second…

A farmer is sitting in his living room. Across from him are three potential suitors for his daughter. Having a hard time deciding which of the three will get the honor, he decides to let them compete. ""Boys, I just can't decide so we're gonna have a little contest: Whomever can recite the best poem about their intentions with my daughter can have her hand in marriage."" The first guy clears his throat and recites his. ""Hello there, sir My name is Ted And your daughter I intend to wed I work re…

They think they are the only ones here. A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, ""Religion?"" The man says, ""Methodist."" St. Peter looks down his list and says, ""Go to Room 24, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."" Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. ""Religion?"" ""Lutheran."" ""Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."" A third man arrives at the gates. ""Religion?"" ""Presbyterian."" ""Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."" The man says, …

There are three married men who are friends at a christmas party. The first man called his wife over and handed her a present. It was an expensive diamond ring. She hugged him and gave him a kiss. The second man went to the car and carried in a box. It was a massage chair. His wife came over and was ecstatic. The third man had no present, and his wife wasn't even there. The others were confused. ""Where's your wife?"" One of the men asked. The third man says, ""My wife said she wanted a dog for …

There were four men sitting on a couch, each wanting to watch the TV. The first man was keen to watch the grand national (horse racing). The second man was keen to watch wrestling. The third man was keen to watch a televised nature documentary. And the fourth man wanted to watch christian hymns. As they began to argue about what program to watch, the remote control got stuck down the side of the couch and the TV began flicking through the channels itself. The TV could soon be heard saying: ...""…

Three deceased appeared before st. peter in heaven... Peter asked one of the deceased what he made in his previous life. The soul replied, ""$300,000, I was a lawyer."" Peter questioned the second deceased with the same question. ""$75,000"" the second man replied, ""I was a salesman."" Peter finally asked the third deceased how much he made to which the third man sheepishly replied, ""Around $6000, I..."" Peter interrupted the man, exclaiming, ""OOOOOOH, what instrument did you play?!"" (I hear…

Three nuns went to a baseball game. Over the course of the baseball game, the nuns became increasingly rowdy. So, three men behind them began to have a loud discussion. ""I think i'll move to Idaho, I hear that there are only 20 nuns there,"" said the first man. ""20 nuns? I'm going to move to South Dakota. I hear that there are only 10 nuns there,"" said the second man. Just before the third man could speak, one of the nuns turned around and said, ""You should go to hell, I hear that there are …

90 Year old Ukranian man told me this one: Three men die of natural causes and are in line at the pearly gates, waiting to hear if they will be saved or damned. When the first man gets to the front of the line Saint Peter says to him ""You have been single all your life, so you will go to hell because your life was like heaven"". The second man is now at the front of the line and Saint Peter says to him ""You have been married all your life, so you will go to heaven because your life was like he…

A bartender is closing down his bar at the end of the evening. Three men remain hunched over at the bar. Each has been there the whole night and has been drinking heavily, but none of them seem to have the strength or desire to strike up a conversation. As the bartender cleans the last few glasses before he kicks the three men out, he decides it's worth a shot to try to cheer these poor guys up. He goes up to them and asks what's got them down. As it turns out, the three of them have all just be…

Three men are on a plane all three of them have weapons. Halfway through the flight an attendant notices the weapons. She tells the men they cant have the weapons on the plane. The first man drops his arrows from the window. The second man drops his gun from the window. The third man drops his bomb. After the plane lands, the third man is walking along. He notices a little girl crying. ""Little Girl, why are you crying?"" He asks ""My dad just got hit by an arrow."" she replies. Sheepishly he ru…

3 friends are on an island when they discover a bottle... ... When they rub the bottle, a genie comes out. He decides to grant each of them 1 wish. ""I wish for a boat and all the fuel to get home"" The first man says. ""I wish for a plane and all the fuel to get home"" The second man says. The first two man leave. The third man says ""I'm lonely. I wish my friends were here.""

Three old men die and go to heaven... ...and St. Peter explains to them that the lives they lived on earth will determine what kind of car they drive for eternity. He looks to the first man and says ""You were a top-notch citizen your entire life. You paid your taxes, showed up for work every day, never cheated on your wife and went to church every Sunday. Well done, sir. Here's the keys to your Rolls Royce."" He looks to the second and says ""You were a decent bloke, more or less. Had a bit of …

Moses, Jesus and a third man are playing golf one day. Moses is up first. He hits a nice shot, but it dips and lands in a water trap. Moses quickly raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls out of the trap. Jesus is up next. He hits an almost identical shot, again landing in the water trap. The ball hovers a few inches over the surface of the water, and Jesus casually strolls out and chips the ball up onto the green. The third man is up last. He hits a long shot, but it's going in a w…

3 men are walking in a desert... After awhile they came upon a goat farm. Tired from their journey the men ask the farmer if they can rest there for the night. The farmer agrees but says there's only room for two of them in the house, the other will have to sleep in the barn. The men squabble a bit but soon 1 relents and agrees to stay in the barn. That night the two men meet the farmers daughters,one with beautiful eyes the other with beautiful hair. The men get close to the daughters and that …

18 Daughters Joke Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the cows."…

God decided to visit Earth... ...so He traveled from Heaven to the big city. He walked down the street until he came upon a beggar sitting against a wall, crying. ""What ails you, my son?"" asked God. ""I've been overtaken with a crippling disease and I can no longer walk"" replied the man. However, God took pity on the beggar and cured him with a snap of the fingers. The beggar stood up and ran down the street, laughing with joy. Ambling down the road, God spies another man sitting on the curb,…