#third-man

3 men walk into a hotel. Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said ""no but you can sleep with the pigs."" the second man went to the father and said ""can I sleep with your 18 daughters?"" the father said "" no but you can sleep with the…

WALKS INTO A BAR... FREE DRINKS A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him he owes $8. ""But I already paid you. Don't you remember?"" says the customer. ""OK,"" says the bartender, ""if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."" The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not. The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stun…

A very religious man is in a terrible flood. He prays to God, expecting a miracle. A man in a boat comes along and says ""Get in!"" The religious man replies ""No, God will grant me a miracle."" Another man in a boat comes and tells him to get in. The religious man replies the same. A third man in a boat comes and the same exchange happens. By this time, the water is up to his chest. A helicopter comes, and a rope ladder drops down. A person with a bullhorn leans out and says ""Hurry! Climb in!"…

An old multi-billionaire is lying on his deathbed... And he calls his 3 best friends into the room.   ""Now look,"" he says, ""I know I won't be alive much longer, and you know I love my money. I want to prove to my family that you CAN take it with you when you go. So, to keep them from getting their greedy mitts on my money, I'm giving each of you one billion dollars of my money to keep in trust until my funeral, at which time you will place the money in my casket before they close it.…

Three men were driving down a lonely country road one night Suddenly, the car broke down. One man was a mechanic, but try as he might, he couldn't get the car to start. They checked, but there was no cell phone reception for at least a hundred yards in every direction. Looking around, they saw a dim light far in the distance, and with no other option, they headed towards it. About halfway there, the wind was becoming fierce. A storm was brewing. They had a brief debate on whether or not to go ba…

Three men were married to girls from different parts of the world. The first man married a girl from Sweden. He told her that she must do the housework. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see the house clean. The second man married a girl from Thailand. He told her that she must do the housework and have his dinner fixed promptly at 6pm every day. On the first and second days, he didn't see any results, but on the third day he came home and found his dinner on the ta…

Stranded unfortunately... 3 men survive a plane crash in the ocean and wash up on a random remote island. They are soon captured by the local natives who tie them up and keep them captive. After a few days of being tied up, the are brought in front of The Chief. The Chief informs them that they're to go out into the jungle and find 10 pieces of the exact same fruit and bring them back here for judgement. If they fail the judgement then they will be eaten! The Chief also informs that if they try …

Mysterious Tracks Three friends are walking through the woods when they come across a pair of tracks. One of them exclaims, ""Those are bear tracks! We'd better be careful."" ""Are you stupid? Those are way too small. Probably just a dog,"" says the second man. The third man says, ""I may not know a thing about animals, but-"" And then a train hit them.

A man walks into a shop and asks for a fork. He gets one and walks out the door. A second man walks into a shop and asks for a fork. The shopkeeper gives him the fork and the man walks out the door. A third man walks in and asks for a straw. The shopkeeper asks, ""Why do you want a straw when everybody else wants a fork?"" The man replies, ""Somebody spewed up on the sidewalk and all the chunky bits are gone!""

Heaven is getting too full... So God tells St. Peter to only let in people with really sad deaths, so the first man walks up and says ""I live on the 30th floor of an apartment building and I suspected that my wife is cheating on me so I get off of work early and go home. When I get there I discover clothes on the floor and my wife is just sitting there, so I start searching the apartment because I know he's in there. Finally I go out on the balcony and I see someone hanging there by their hands…

Three men appear in heaven at the same time. They approach the pearly gates when they're stopped by St. Peter. ""Woah, woah, woah! Sorry, heaven's been a bit busy today and we're starting to get overcrowded. The Big Man told me I'm only allowed to let people who died sad deaths in today. If you can tell me how you died, and I think it's pitiful enough, I'll let you in."" ""I'll tell my story first,"" says one man. ""So, I'd been pretty certain lately that my wife had been cheating on me. I only …

Don't mean to brag, but...... Four men went golfing together one day; three headed to the first tee and one went into the club house to take care of the bill. The three men started talking, bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, ""My son is a home builder and he''s so successful that he gave a friend a new home - for free."" The second man said, ""My son was a car salesman and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He''s so successful that he gave a friend two Cadillacs."" The t…

Plane over the Jungle There is a plane flying over a vast jungle. The plane is about to crash, so the passengers are instructed to lose some weight on the plane. There are three men in question that day, who each threw over something important to themselves. ""I have too many of these,"" said the first man, as he threw over some suitcases full of clothes. ""I have too many of these,"" said the second man, as he threw over some crates full of fruit. ""I have too many of these,"" said the third ma…

Discussing Funerals Three men are sitting around drinking coffee when a pastor comes up to them. ""Men, I want you to think about when your life ends. What would you people to say about you at your funeral?"" The first man thinks a bit and says, ""I'd like them to say I was a good family man. That I provided for my wife and children."" The second man thinks and says, ""I'd like them to say I was a good Christian. That I read the scripture and lived for the Lord."" The third man says, ""I hope th…

Easter Joke Three men are waiting for Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates to get into Heaven. St. Peter arrives and tells them they can enter Heaven but first he wants to ask them a question. He looks at the first man and asks ""what is Easter?"". The man says, ""That's easy. It is when you put up a tree and put presents under it and Santa comes.... Saint Peter interrupts him and says ""No, that is not Easter."" He looks at the second man and asks ""What is Easter?"" The second man says, ""That's ea…

Two men are sitting in a saloon.. They're arguing about whose horse can go longer without drinking water. One man says ""ill bet you $20 that my horse can drink enough water to go two days without another drink."" The other man says, ""well i'll bet you $50 that my horse can drink enough water to go four days without another drink."" Suddenly a man that had been sitting at the end of the bar speaks up, ""i'll bet you both $100 that MY horse can drink enough water to go for SEVEN days without ano…

Two men are playing a golf... When one of them hits a put. ""You didn't hit a put you bloke!"" his partner says. ""Yeah I did,"" he replied. So they fought and fought until a third man came along and said ""Guys calm down. There's no need to dis-put.""

Raisin Bread An old man walks into a bakery owned by a beautiful young lady that is known for wearing short skirts. He asks the lady for a loaf of raisin bread on the top shelf so that he can take a look up her skirt. Another man walks in and also asks for raisin bread to sneak a peak. A third man walks in and the frustrated baker asks, ""I guess yours is raisin as well?!?."" The man replies, ""No, but it's twitching a lot.""

A troll is guarding a bridge across a long river. Translated from Polish. 3 men want to cross the bridge. The troll says to go off and come back with their favourite plant. The first man comes back with a tulip. The troll tells the man to shove it up his ass. He does, then crosses the bridge. The second man comes back with a rose. The troll tells him to shove it up his ass. The man starts laughing and crying simultaneously. The troll asks, ""Why are you crying?"" ""Because the thorns hurt,"" the…

The bellringer for the local church died... And the priest sent out a notice for a job opening. 3 men applied for the job. One with no arms, one with no legs, and one with no arms or legs. So the man with no arms got the first interview. He meets the priest in the bell tower, and the priest says ""How are you planning to ring the bell?! You have no arms!"" And the man says ""like this!"" And he jumps up and kicks the bell, and the priest said ""ok, well I'll give you a call if you get the job"" …

3 men are in a jungle... when they are ambushed by a group of savages. The savages give them a choice; find 10 pieces of one fruit and shove them up their butts without showing any emotion, or get shot. All 3 men, liking their chances, go into the jungle to collect 10 fruits. The first man comes back with 10 strawberries, shoves 6 up his butt, but starts crying. He gets shot and goes to heaven. The second man comes back with 10 blueberries. He shoves 9 up his butt, however right before he can fi…

Three men lived on top a cliff One day, a god said to them, ""my children, jump off the cliff, say what you want to become and you will."" The first man jumped and said ""I want to be an eagle!"" and thus became an eagle. The second man jumped and shouted ""I want to become a whale!"" and thus became a whale. Just as the third man was about to jump, he tripped over a rock. ""Shit!"" he exclaimed, and thus became a miserable turd.

Three men in a Gulag They start talking about how they got into the Gulag in the first place, the first man says ""I was thrown in for being lazy, I never got to work on time."" The second man says ""I was thrown in for always being early for work, they thought I was a spy!"" the third man says ""I was thrown in for having a watch made in the West. ""

An emperor is on his death be and is seeking somebody worthy to take his place... He arranges for men who think they are worthy to come before him and demonstrate why they believe they can take his place. The first guy comes in. The emperor asks him ""What makes you believe you are worthy to become emperor?"" Without a word the guy opens a small box and a bumble bee flies out. Without looking at the bee, the man quickly draws his sword and swings at the bee in one swift motion. The bee falls to …

Three Men in the Middle of the Desert There are three men stranded in the middle of the desert. Doomed to waste away without any rescue on the way they are approached by a genie, granting them each a wish, but that wish cannot be to get out of the desert. The first man replies 'Well I wish for enough water and food to last us the entire time we are trapped here, to ensure our survival'. The second man replies ""How about a map, Genie? That way we will surely find a way out of here at some point.…