#third-man

Heavenly Christmas After an accident, three dead souls find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to Christmas. The first man searches his pocket and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of panties. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, ""How do these represent Christmas?"" The man responded, ""They're Carol's.""

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, ""Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."" St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse. St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said befor…

Three men on a deserted island find a genie. The genie will grant the men three wishes, so they decide to take a wish each. The first man wishes to be home with his family and his wish is granted. The second man wishes to be in Vegas with many beautiful women and his wish is granted. The third man says ""I'm getting kind of lonely, I wish those guys were here with me again.""

Three men are walking in a large field. Three men are walking in a large field, when they come across a horrid stench. Upon looking around, they find a small pile of dung. The first man states, ""Thats some nasty bird poop."" The second man laughs and says, ""Nope, thats bunny poop."" The third man looks at both men, and says, ""Bullcrap.""

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

Story for St. Peter Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day and they only let in a certain amount per day so St. Peter says, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I c…

3 men are riding in an airplane over their city 3 guys were in a Cessna Airplane flying over the city they lived in. The first man said ""I love my city so much, I'm gonna drop this 50 cent coin out the window for someone to find. That will make their day!"" So he threw it out. The second man pulled out a roll of coins and said ""I love my city so much that I'll throw this whole roll of coins out the window! And he threw it out. The third man hated his city, so he pulled out an incendiary grenad…

three men were on a road trip when their car broke down they walked a mile and found a farm and decided to ask the old farmer if they could crash. the farmer was a kind man and decided to let the men stay, as long as they didn't touch the three hot daughters. later that night none of the men could help themselves and decided to go for it, thinking that the old farmer wouldn't catch them. the next morning, the farmer lined up the three men and said ""I know you three have slept with my daughters!…

Blowing chunks At work, three friends get into an argument over who got more wasted the night before. ""I got so drunk last night, when I got home I blew chunks,"" said the first man. ""I got so drunk last night, I had to sleep outside because I couldn't make it inside my house,"" said the second man. But the third man was certain he got more wasted than his friends. ""I got so drunk, I set my entire house on fire!"" he argued. ""I don't think you guys understand,"" said the first man. ""My dog'…

IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Poland. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, …

Three men go into confession... The first man goes to the Father and says, ""Father, forgive me, I stole office supplies from work this past week."" The Father says, ""I see. Speak the 'Our Father' 15 times, and go and drink from the Holy water. Go in peace."" The second man comes in and says to the Father, ""Father, I have sinned. I cheated on my taxes this last year."" The Father says, "" I see. Go and pray the 'Hail Mary' 20 times, pray the 'Our Father' 10 times and go drink of the Holy water…

How To Get Hired At Walmart A manager at Wal-Mart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, 'What is the fastest thing you know of?' The first man replied, 'A THOUGHT.' It just pops i…

Heaven getting too full. (worth the read) Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I…

Three men in prison are about to be executed. There are three men standing in a prison yard, about to be executed for their crimes. They are offered a choice in execution style; beheading via guillotine, death by firing squad or an injection of HIV. The first man chooses beheading. He's led to the guillotine by the guards, positioned, and executed. Blood sprays everywhere and his head goes rolling across the yard. Horrified by what he's just seen, the second man chooses to be shot. The guards le…

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.... One remarked, ""Windy, isn't it?"" ""No,"" the second man replied, ""It's Thursday..."" And the third man chimed in, ""So am I. Let's have a beer.""

Wife's Duties Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties at home. The first man had married a woman from Georgia and had told her that she was going to do dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple days, but on the third day, he came home to a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from Arkansas. He had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The first day he didn't …

3 young lads trying to get into heaven. One Christmas eve three young fellas were out on the crawl drinking and partying. All at once a bus came and killed them outright. They came to St Peter at the pearly gates and he told them there was no entry unless they had a Christmassy item to give him. The first fella rumaged in his pockets and pulled out his keys, he shook them and said, 'These are Christmas bells.' The second man pulled out his lighter, held the flame in the air and said, 'It is the …

An old friend told me this... Three middle aged jewish men are sitting around one afternoon. The first one says, ""Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He came back as an atheist!"" The second man says, ""Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did. He married a Christian!"" The third man without missing a beat says, ""Oy, I sent my son to Jerusalem and you'll never believe what he did, he converted to Christianity!"" All of a sudden they h…

3 men go to hell Three men die and go to hell. On their arrival the devil greets them, saying ""hello and welcome to hell! You are all here because you were addicted to something that ruined the lives of you and the people around you. You will all be given your own personal hells until you are cured, then you will go to heaven."" He goes to the first man, ""you were addicted to eating and you became extremely obese, ruining your family."" He opens up a door to reveal donuts, cake, soda, every ki…

So the army is forced to cut the pensions of some of their veterans... In order to repay the veterans for their service they bring in three veterans. They tell the three that they will be reimbursed in money, in that each one can choose two points of their body, and the distance between the two will be how much money they receive. Anyway, the first man goes and says, ""I'll have my outstretched wingspan measured."" His wingspan is 160cm, so he is given $160. The second man chooses the top of his…

Three learned gentlemen are discussing 'savoir faire'...(joke full of fuffery, told to me by a man who wore a fez all the time) The first one takes a healthy belt of his brandy, leans back in his leather chair and says, ""Mes amis! Savoir faire is something one does not learn easily. No sir! For example, a husband comes home earlier than he planned to. He opens the door and sees another man's coat hanging on the rack. Without a word, he heads out to the local bar and has a smoke and a drink and …

In line at The Pearly Gates... are 3 men. The first approaches St. Peter who says,""Tell me, what did you do in life?"" The man explains that he was a priest. St. Peter shakes his hand and ushers him to a waiting escort. The second man steps up. The same question is asked and he explains that he was a doctor. Again he receives a simple hand shake and a single escort. The third man steps forward and explains that he was a lawyer. Suddenly Peter gets very excited. A band comes rushing out of the g…

Murder There were three european men going to America. they didn't know english so they each went to a place. the first person went to a football game and learned yes. the second person went to a resturant and learned forks and knives. the third man went to a candy shop and heard a little kid yell he stole my lollipop! they all found a dead body when a police officer came up and said did you kill this man? the first man said yes. the cop asked what did you do it with? the second man said forks a…

Three men died in a car accident. So they ascended into heaven and stood in front of St Peter. "" After I let you in, there will be three room. Each of you will be assigned to one room."" Said St Peter, ""in the room, there will be a clock that determines how smart you are. The slower it goes, the wiser you are."" So the three man happily walked into their room. The first man walked into the room and look at the clock. After an hour, the clock didn't move at all. He was very happy to know that h…

The difference if you marry a Canadian girl... Three friends married women from different parts of the world... The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he…